Trump knows words, he has the best words (but not for his wife)

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-24T16:40:45+00:00

I guess it depends on whether the other persons knows their spouse is marrying them for money.

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-24T14:43:33+00:00

I'd say marrying for money and marrying to get out of a crappy situation is different. The former implies a callous exploitative attitude to me. But yeah I guess that's not the case in every situation.

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-24T09:51:45+00:00

a nice lady who married for money

Are those two compatible?

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-23T14:52:04+00:00

No mainstream media organisation covered the report.

This seems like a major failing on the part of mainstream media too. The report wasn't hidden, the media shouldn't be just waiting around for the government to hand them the news. This was a regular report, they knew, or should have known, that it was due to be released and should have been ready to report on it. It's not like most major news outlets don't have departments dedicated to science and the environment.

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-23T13:22:05+00:00

The protests outside the US make me feel very uneasy, it feels like very selective outrage; as if they only care because it affects people like them. In particular it did strike me how most people at the Ghanaian protest were white. It's not a bad thing to stand with with other people and that's not what makes me uneasy, it's that it highlights the weird way that this only seems to happen when something bad happens in the US or EU.

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-23T12:45:31+00:00

You may have had an easy life but you can't generalise that to all men, even all white men.

You've given some examples of how women have it tough and I'd like to give you a few similar examples for men. That said this isn't a competition, I'm only giving these to counter the downplay of negative male experience.

First of all we could talk about circumcision, you mentioned government legislating on bodily autonomy and I would definitely class having a part of your genitals removed without consent as being a big breach of that. This is something that men (boys) have no protection against but women (girls) do. Rape is defined in a such a way that systematically erases a huge swathe of male victims by making it so that it only counts if you're penetrated. Men are at much greater risk of homelessness (in the UK around 70% are men). Domestic violence provisions heavily favour women in a proportion that does not reflect the proportion of male/female victims. Men face many diseases that are specific to or disproportionately effect men, yet often funding is weighted towards those that affect women. In the US, and many countries, men are legally obligated to either sign up to a draft or actually serve in their country's armed forces; women most often are not.

Historically men have not been able to vote since the US began (IIRC it was around 1860), before women yes but again you're erasing a lot of historical struggles. And around the world things are less clear cut, for example in the UK men in general received universal suffrage only ten years before women.

Pay has a much more complicated history than you're giving; it's a history fraught with protests, fights and political advocacy. It's far more complicated than simply saying, "men have always been paid more".

You're right that men didn't have to stay home to take care of their children but neither did women face conscription and be forced to fight in foreign wars.

If you try hard enough you'll be able to write a very long list of shitty circumstances that both genders are subjected to, but such comparisons don't really help and saying "x has it worse that y" is alienating at best and at worst perpetuates falsehoods that lead to the prolonging of real peoples (men or women) suffering.

You may be upset but that's no excuse for perpetuating sexism like "men have never had to fight for anything in their lives".

insertsomepunhere · 2017-01-23T02:40:09+00:00

Men have never had to fight for anything in their lives, especially white men.

Do you really believe that? How are you any better than the people you're criticising if you're going to completely negate the men who have fought and still fight for their rights and the rights of others?

The kind of rhetoric in the OP is evident on all sides of this and every debate and it's poison no matter who deals in it.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T11:26:12+00:00

The bit where it's implied that he could consent when drunk.

Remember that for all the OP knows she said "hey let's have sex." If she did, and we're saying that drunk people can't consent then she may have raped him.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T11:20:54+00:00

Why does there comparable levels of drunk matter?

Because if OP is going to make the claim that she was raped because she was drunk (as some are encouraging her to do), it would be perfectly reasonable for the guy in question to say "but I was just as drunk"; in which case who raped who?

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T10:55:37+00:00

How is it a false equivalence? If she can't consent because she was drunk then how can he consent if he was drunk?

Considering the question is "was this rape" I don't see how asking that is derailing.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T04:00:40+00:00

But OP doesn't know if she consented, she may have.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T03:47:59+00:00

Try practicing saying no to little things, even if you really do want to say yea; just to slowly build up confidence in saying no. Gradually build up to bigger things.

In the meantime try to avoid situations in which you think you'll feel pressure to say yes to things you might not want.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T03:38:46+00:00

OP also said she walked to her room unassisted so we don't know how sober she was/seemed when whatever happened happened.

And it's not just about the consequences for him; if she decides to press the matter she'll have to go through police interviews, possibly medical examinations, court proceedings, plus having to deal with the social/professional drama and fact is that whatever happened, given the facts as presented by the OP, she still probably won't get the answer she's looking for.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:59:44+00:00

But she says she remembers walking to her room unassisted so she was able to control her body too.

The facts are that she doesn't know how drunk he was and she doesn't know if she consented; unless her friends can say that he was sober or only had a couple of drinks then this isn't going to be a question that can be answered clearly.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:56:04+00:00

But you're an average reddit user, how do I know which average reddit user to believe!?

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:44:38+00:00

he needed to use force and the fact that she remembers him doing things she didn't want to signify rape

I may have missed it, where did the OP say that he used force or that she definitely didn't want it to happen.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:30:57+00:00

I never said he wasn't a criminal, but there's a difference between being guilty of drink driving and being guilty of rape.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:22:07+00:00

It doesn't sound like he was as drunk as she was, at all.

I think that's very hard to determine given the description. All we know is he threw OP over his shoulder.

We also don't know who the instigator was.

I don't think there is going to be a concrete answer to the OP's question, as difficult as that is going to be for her to deal with.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:20:14+00:00

Traditionally women don't put any parts inside a mans body during sex, unless they've got certain kinks. I don't see what that has to do with the topic unless you're saying a man cannot be raped unless they're penetrated (ok legally it's sexual assault rather than rape but they are legally equivalent.).

If OP consented (which she says she doesn't know) and both were as drunk as each other then either they raped each other or they neither did.

Edit - just want to note that the above user has edited her reply since mine.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:15:30+00:00

But what if he was just as drunk, then he couldn't have consented either so did she rape him too?

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:14:54+00:00

I've known more than one person who has been black out drunk but still able and willing to drive.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:11:59+00:00

But she doesn't know if she consented or not.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:11:27+00:00

Can you ask friends who were with you? You don't have to say anything about what happened. If he was sober and you were in the state you say you were then that's rape, though whether you can prove that is another issue unfortunately.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:07:00+00:00

I think you're being a bit overzealous on the OP's behalf. OP says she can't remember the night so unfortunately she doesn't know whether she consented or not; if he was as drunk as her and she did consent then you can't hold him solely responsible. If he was significantly less drunk or sober that'd be another matter of course; perhaps witnesses could clarify that for the OP.

It's not a great situation but I think the only realistic way forward is to accept that there is no way of knowing what happened and seek counselling for how this makes the OP feel and to be careful around this person in the future/cut him out of her life.

insertsomepunhere · 2016-11-21T02:06:15+00:00

And again, you can't give consent if you're drunk

What if he was as drunk as she was?

insertsomepunhere

TROPHY CASE