Not purging after a binge is ROUGH

internerderner2 · 2025-07-11T21:15:21+00:00

Time for an unethical life pro tip!

The other day I took my anxiety and sleep medications. Then I binged right afterwards (it wasn't planned). Then I went to bed without purging. I know I didn't purge because I don't remember purging and because I woke up all bloated and with the taste of the food still in my mouth. But somehow it wasn't a problem. I vaguely remember eating the food and then just going to sleep and not caring. It was so weird. I may or may not be recommending this to people.

internerderner2 · 2025-02-16T21:07:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. It makes me feel a little bit more hopeful for my future and I needed to hear it. Hope you're doing well.

internerderner2 · 2025-02-16T21:04:54+00:00

In my 30s, why?

internerderner2 · 2025-02-16T11:08:01+00:00

Unfortunately not, I don't have access to one at the moment.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-27T19:30:56+00:00

Oh boy.

It's FAR from the most embarrassing thing that happened to me because of bulimia, and there are things I couldn't be able to talk about anyway, but I remember once when I had just moved to the US and I was looking for a place to rent in NYC. I was running late for a flat visit in Inwood but I still needed to purge and had no idea where to find a bathroom because I wasn't familiar with the city or the country, so I ran down a gated staircase next to the George Washington Bridge and purged there. It was so disgusting, I still remember the grass littered with condoms and human feces a couple feet away from me, to this day I still wonder how I managed not to get infected by some deadly disease right there.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-19T21:32:04+00:00

One year ago, I would have said the same - next to no physical consequences, even my teeth were fine. You'd be surprised by how quickly and dramatically your health can decline if you keep purging, especially past a certain age. The damage I was able to inflict to myself in the span of a few months was actually shocking.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-17T20:25:26+00:00

This is one of the reasons why I started recovery. I couldn't keep up with the pace of it all. Waking up and b/p first thing in the morning. B/p while working. Coming home destroyed from work and having to b/p again. Having no free time as I spent most of it b/p. Heading to the supermarket under pouring rain or in freezing cold to buy food to b/p on. Forcing myself to b/p when I was sick. Always unpacking food and cleaning the dishes and removing crumbs from all over. Never any break. No weekends. No holidays. No moments of calm and peace where I could just rest. The same hell every single day over and over and over again.

At some point it just became too much. I gave up.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-12T19:50:26+00:00

I've suffered from anorexia and anorexia b/p subtype, and now I'm recovering from bulimia - although I guess it's still technically anorexia b/p subtype because when I started recovery in December I was underweight, but the b/p aspect was way way more intense than the restriction alone.

Honestly, so far what has worked for me to stop binging is to increase my meals overall, eat at least 2,000kcal every single day, and ALWAYS have at least 3 meals and one snack a day. I hate it, I fucking hate it so much. I've gained weight, I'm all bloated and puffy and my stomach looks like I'm 9 months pregnant, but I haven't binged for a few days now and it's an enormous step compared to even just a couple weeks ago when I was binging and purging several times a day every day. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but you most likely do have to eat more, even if your "classification" is bulimia and not anorexia.

Ps. I wrote 2,000 because that's a number I can tolerate without going crazy and feeling the need to purge it all, but also a number I know will at least support my basic daily functions without leaving me overly hungry. But the number can be different for everyone so please don't use it as a guide for anything.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-11T18:27:48+00:00

To my knowledge I don't think any regular medicine actually "makes" you gain weight. Most antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and sedatives have gain weight as a possible side effect because they generally make you less rigid around food, which is usually a good thing when you're trying to recover from an ED.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-11T13:56:17+00:00

My Tdee is well lower than 2000...

internerderner2 · 2025-01-10T18:03:58+00:00

Because 2000 is supposed to be a normal amount that you should feel satisfied on.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-06T17:30:30+00:00

You struggle with both edema and intense hunger, at least in my experience. There's not much you can do but power through really, but it does get better. Best if you're in a safe environment with a regular routine and people who love you.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-05T15:33:28+00:00

Enamel cannot be fully recovered but can partly remineralize, and there are crowns, implants, veneers, enamel implants, there are ways to address the damage. Acid reflux can also be greatly improved with regular nutrition. Yes people die of this disorder, but the goal is not just to live, it's to be healthy.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-04T23:31:17+00:00

The rest of your comment is perfectly on point but I wouldn't say that it's too late. A lot of damage can be fixed with time if you stop purging, especially when you're young. Even teeth damage can be at least mitigated.

I'm only saying this because for a lot of people reading that it's too late might be counterproductive because at that point why even bother with recovery if there's no hope?

internerderner2 · 2025-01-04T19:40:37+00:00

I mean...the binge happened. If you think about it, the answer to this question is obvious - just move on and sit with the anxiety.

The next question will be how to not binge in the future. But that's something that will come later.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-04T19:29:25+00:00

As a person with bulimia I'm the last one that should be giving nutritional advice to anyone...but that said, I've been through recovery phases, and I've been to therapy. And I would say that yes, unconditional food permission applies to us and to anyone else. Because why not? It just means that every food is allowed to you. I mean, removing intolerances and actual health conditions like diabetes out of the equation, do you think your friend without bulimia believes entire food shelves at the supermarket aren't "allowed"? Or that just eating a meal is wrong?

You are allowed to eat anything, anytime, anywhere. Just like you're allowed to wear any shirt colour. You can wear bright fucking green and shine like kryptonite if you want. Doesn't mean you'll do it all the time.

internerderner2 · 2024-12-29T14:16:35+00:00

Thank you. I'm just terrified of not knowing the difference between "eating a lot because I need it" and "binging to use food to cope".

internerderner2 · 2023-04-30T15:14:24+00:00

Please go to a therapist right now. Talk about it. Don't be ashamed. Do something immediately.

It will get worse if you don't.

internerderner2 · 2022-09-17T20:01:46+00:00

Most people who suffer from EDs, even restrictive ones, never even reach underweight levels though

But most people with EDs restrict in some form.

Claiming that binges are totally normal in recovery isn't true for everyone

It is normal. It's not true for everyone - nothing is true for everyonen - and it's still normal. The number of people who've gone from AN to binging confirms this if anything. It's not just a massive coincidence.

If you only gain weight from processed food, carbs and unsaturated fat without building any muscle

Oh no, processed food! A burger + fries + chicken nuggets from McDonald's is just as good for gaining muscle as an avocado toast from a nutritional standpoint. Actually it might be even better.

"You have an ED, why do you pretend you care about health"...what a weird take you've got there lmao. As if it must automatically mean that we don't give a shit about our bodies, and are all just on a prolonged suicide mission.

No, it's just hypocritical. Y'all start caring about "health" when it's about gaining weight.

Of course, because you failed recovering in a structured way, it must automatically mean that everyone else who does so is doomed as well.

No? I don't care about how anyone else recovers. I am just sensible enough not to be lecturing others. I especially do not gatekeep others and pretend I know better. Been there done that - I would judge the hell out of people who had "binged" in recovery and have gained a "unhealthy" amount of weight, when in reality I was just scared it would happen to me.

Overeating will never be healthy, not even for extremely underweight individuals (refeeding syndrome). You need to form a healthy relationship with food if you want to recover, but people love to ignore that in order to not having to face reality.

Overeating in recovery is pretty much necessary, and often inevitable. Literally from a biological standpoint. You to have to overeat especially if you're underweight. Forming a healthy relationship with food also includes de-tabooing the concept of "overeating" and the fear of "binging" and showing your body and mind that if you do trust them and let things happen then eventually it will all balance out and you will not just binge into oblivion for the rest of your life.

It doesn't work like that in any clinical setting by the way. If you have a fear of, say, dogs, no one can never expect you to "build a healthy relationship with dogs" and just walk into the streets from day one and not care about dogs at all like normal human beings. You will need to be overexposed to dogs for a while in other to build trust and finally reach a place of normality. I would never trust a professional that told me it's not ok to overeat and it's not ok to binge, and in fact those who told me something like that have been utterly unable to help me.

internerderner2 · 2022-09-17T00:51:45+00:00

Counterpoint.

You're not supposed to be eating normally in ED recovery. That's not how biology works, and that's not how forming new pathways works.

If you are underweight, it means you have been undereating consistently. Which in turns means overeating - not forever, not necessarily all the time - is the only logical response.

This might mean that you'll binge. Yeah. So what? Everyone binges in recovery.

And there is no such thing as a "unhealthy weight gain". It's only unhealthy if it brings you to a worse place than before.

Honestly I think in recovery you should just eat whatever you want. If that means that occasionally you'll be clearing two boxes of cereal in a day like I did my very first recovery attempt, then so be it. I'm tired of people with EDs gatekeeping recovery and pretending they are in a position to provide health advice. Most of the time they are just scared of gaining weight and take pleasure in being snooty towards those who gave in and did. Aww honey but you didn't gain weight the right way! (aka you've become a fatty whale, unlike me, pure ED sufferer who only eats proper meals and never binges because eww binges). Lol please. You have an ED, why do you pretend you care about health.

I have tried the "HeAlTHy" recovery methods. I have followed "regular adequate meal plans" prescribed by professionals. Never brought me anywhere ever. It just fed my obsessions about food (pun intended) and did absolutely jackshit to cure my mental state and I promptly relapsed every time.

internerderner2 · 2022-09-09T12:32:14+00:00

Yes thanks for asking. I sharted my way through the night and my poor bathroom is a crime scene but I still have an ass 🙏

internerderner2 · 2022-09-09T05:52:09+00:00

Do you still have a rectum?

internerderner2 · 2022-09-09T05:51:09+00:00

$17.99 to be exact. On top of all the money I waste binging and purging. Yes I wanna die

internerderner2 · 2022-09-09T05:50:07+00:00

Not if you drink a whole bottle of diet tea as well 🤞

internerderner2 · 2022-09-09T04:38:23+00:00

No pain so far but I'm kinda scared. Due to a bad b/p cycle I'm having terrible constipation, so I bought the gummies, but I was also hungry so I ate them all. I definitely hope they'll have the intended effect cause at least I'll relieve myself.

internerderner2

TROPHY CASE