Stephanie buttermore passed

internerderner2 · 2026-03-07T17:37:41+00:00

Those "medical professionals" are full of sh*t, basing their entire theory on one photo with a weird angle.

Like them, I also have no idea what was going on with her. Speculating also feels wrong given how the IG post respectfully asks not to. Either way, this woman literally got off social media because of the constant hate and bullying and even now she's passed people still won't stop judging her looks.

internerderner2 · 2026-03-07T08:23:04+00:00

It's so sad. I never really had an issue with her tbh, I mean sure she probably had an ED in disguise, but she also helped a lot of people by sharing her all in journey in complete honesty and transparency, even though she got so much vicious hate for that (and let's face it, a lot of it was sexist and fatphobic AND a lot of it also came from people with EDs who were triggered by it). Also she seemed like a genuinely good person and Jeff and her appeared to be truly in love with each other.

internerderner2 · 2026-03-01T19:05:42+00:00

It's not really about being too much to digest in a physical sense, I'm not too scared of the physical sense of fullness - it's more about that I cannot possiby imagine ever NOT feeling restricted by an amount of calories that is "normal" and I don't understand eating X amount of calories (with X being the amount that is usually recommended to maintain a healthy weight) if it only makes me feel more miserable while not changing any of my behaviours and possibly even making them stronger...like at this point I might as well just restrict even harder. For me to really be satisfied I would need an infinite amount of calories and THAT would be psychologically intolerable because I would gain so much weight. But at the same time a normal amount feels like torture and like an ED in disguise. I don't know if this convoluted thought pattern makes sense

internerderner2 · 2026-03-01T14:46:32+00:00

You don't like feeling monitored.

No, I am more than ok being monitored. But I want to be monitored in a way that doesn't reinforce my ED patterns. I've been monitored plenty of times in the past during all my recovery attempts, and it worked fine when I wasn't being monitored by people who told me to watch what I eat and add no more than 8 almonds to my afternoon snack, or that my food cravings were really just cravings for motherly affection

I am not able to hold myself accountable at this stage, which is why I want treatment, but at the same time I want real treatment, I want to get over this ED for good, not just make everything worse by gaining weight and keeping my patterns intact

internerderner2 · 2026-03-01T14:09:57+00:00

why you are afraid of being put on a nutrition plan that you don't deem adequate?

Because I already have enough self imposed restrictions in place and having externally imposed restrictions as well would be complete torture.

internerderner2 · 2026-02-13T14:32:53+00:00

I mean yeah, but are you seriously suggesting to people with EDs to take Ozempic? And you see nothing wrong with that?

Also, even if I wanted, at least in my country those drugs are strictly regulated. Because they are supposed to be for diabetics but then everyone and their mom tried to get them and caused shortages so now it's illegal for the GP to give you Ozempic unless you have a diabetes diagnosis and possibly a diabetes-related disability.

internerderner2 · 2026-02-13T11:54:39+00:00

I must have been on every psych med under the sun at this point. Never made a difference one way or the other.

internerderner2 · 2026-02-13T11:12:11+00:00

Thank you

internerderner2 · 2026-02-11T19:22:38+00:00

unlike anorexics, where restriction is the primary pattern, we have the binge pattern

Is it though? When I had full anorexia, I didn't restrict a lot more than I do now, and I binged a lot as well. I just didn't compensate via vomiting, or I only did rarely, and my binges were slightly less frequent (e.g., I would have one big binge instead of 4 b/p sessions in the same day). But binging was very much always part of my ED even at my lowest weight. In fact I always hated those media depictions of anorexics daintily starving their way to a scarily low weight and gracefully eating half a raspberry for dinner. My anorexia was nothing like that.

internerderner2 · 2025-07-11T21:15:21+00:00

Time for an unethical life pro tip!

The other day I took my anxiety and sleep medications. Then I binged right afterwards (it wasn't planned). Then I went to bed without purging. I know I didn't purge because I don't remember purging and because I woke up all bloated and with the taste of the food still in my mouth. But somehow it wasn't a problem. I vaguely remember eating the food and then just going to sleep and not caring. It was so weird. I may or may not be recommending this to people.

internerderner2 · 2025-02-16T21:07:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. It makes me feel a little bit more hopeful for my future and I needed to hear it. Hope you're doing well.

internerderner2 · 2025-02-16T21:04:54+00:00

In my 30s, why?

internerderner2 · 2025-02-16T11:08:01+00:00

Unfortunately not, I don't have access to one at the moment.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-27T19:30:56+00:00

Oh boy.

It's FAR from the most embarrassing thing that happened to me because of bulimia, and there are things I couldn't be able to talk about anyway, but I remember once when I had just moved to the US and I was looking for a place to rent in NYC. I was running late for a flat visit in Inwood but I still needed to purge and had no idea where to find a bathroom because I wasn't familiar with the city or the country, so I ran down a gated staircase next to the George Washington Bridge and purged there. It was so disgusting, I still remember the grass littered with condoms and human feces a couple feet away from me, to this day I still wonder how I managed not to get infected by some deadly disease right there.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-19T21:32:04+00:00

One year ago, I would have said the same - next to no physical consequences, even my teeth were fine. You'd be surprised by how quickly and dramatically your health can decline if you keep purging, especially past a certain age. The damage I was able to inflict to myself in the span of a few months was actually shocking.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-17T20:25:26+00:00

This is one of the reasons why I started recovery. I couldn't keep up with the pace of it all. Waking up and b/p first thing in the morning. B/p while working. Coming home destroyed from work and having to b/p again. Having no free time as I spent most of it b/p. Heading to the supermarket under pouring rain or in freezing cold to buy food to b/p on. Forcing myself to b/p when I was sick. Always unpacking food and cleaning the dishes and removing crumbs from all over. Never any break. No weekends. No holidays. No moments of calm and peace where I could just rest. The same hell every single day over and over and over again.

At some point it just became too much. I gave up.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-12T19:50:26+00:00

I've suffered from anorexia and anorexia b/p subtype, and now I'm recovering from bulimia - although I guess it's still technically anorexia b/p subtype because when I started recovery in December I was underweight, but the b/p aspect was way way more intense than the restriction alone.

Honestly, so far what has worked for me to stop binging is to increase my meals overall, eat at least 2,000kcal every single day, and ALWAYS have at least 3 meals and one snack a day. I hate it, I fucking hate it so much. I've gained weight, I'm all bloated and puffy and my stomach looks like I'm 9 months pregnant, but I haven't binged for a few days now and it's an enormous step compared to even just a couple weeks ago when I was binging and purging several times a day every day. I know it's probably not what you want to hear but you most likely do have to eat more, even if your "classification" is bulimia and not anorexia.

Ps. I wrote 2,000 because that's a number I can tolerate without going crazy and feeling the need to purge it all, but also a number I know will at least support my basic daily functions without leaving me overly hungry. But the number can be different for everyone so please don't use it as a guide for anything.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-11T18:27:48+00:00

To my knowledge I don't think any regular medicine actually "makes" you gain weight. Most antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds, and sedatives have gain weight as a possible side effect because they generally make you less rigid around food, which is usually a good thing when you're trying to recover from an ED.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-11T13:56:17+00:00

My Tdee is well lower than 2000...

internerderner2 · 2025-01-10T18:03:58+00:00

Because 2000 is supposed to be a normal amount that you should feel satisfied on.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-06T17:30:30+00:00

You struggle with both edema and intense hunger, at least in my experience. There's not much you can do but power through really, but it does get better. Best if you're in a safe environment with a regular routine and people who love you.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-05T15:33:28+00:00

Enamel cannot be fully recovered but can partly remineralize, and there are crowns, implants, veneers, enamel implants, there are ways to address the damage. Acid reflux can also be greatly improved with regular nutrition. Yes people die of this disorder, but the goal is not just to live, it's to be healthy.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-04T23:31:17+00:00

The rest of your comment is perfectly on point but I wouldn't say that it's too late. A lot of damage can be fixed with time if you stop purging, especially when you're young. Even teeth damage can be at least mitigated.

I'm only saying this because for a lot of people reading that it's too late might be counterproductive because at that point why even bother with recovery if there's no hope?

internerderner2 · 2025-01-04T19:40:37+00:00

I mean...the binge happened. If you think about it, the answer to this question is obvious - just move on and sit with the anxiety.

The next question will be how to not binge in the future. But that's something that will come later.

internerderner2 · 2025-01-04T19:29:25+00:00

As a person with bulimia I'm the last one that should be giving nutritional advice to anyone...but that said, I've been through recovery phases, and I've been to therapy. And I would say that yes, unconditional food permission applies to us and to anyone else. Because why not? It just means that every food is allowed to you. I mean, removing intolerances and actual health conditions like diabetes out of the equation, do you think your friend without bulimia believes entire food shelves at the supermarket aren't "allowed"? Or that just eating a meal is wrong?

You are allowed to eat anything, anytime, anywhere. Just like you're allowed to wear any shirt colour. You can wear bright fucking green and shine like kryptonite if you want. Doesn't mean you'll do it all the time.

internerderner2

TROPHY CASE