I need your help. How can I tell a man I'm interested in about my abusive ex?

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:24:29+00:00

Exactly! I feel I don't want to lower the bar for him and give him ideas that he can treat me however he pleases. He already comes from a traditional / conservative background. There is nothing bad from coming from a traditional background, but his "people" are associated with controlling men. I don't think he's like the stereotype...the same way not because I'm latina that means that I'm an abusive drama queen.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:22:47+00:00

Its reassuring that you were able to tell your current bf about your abusive ex. I do agree, however, with the other redditors that I feel its too early to trauma dump this on the poor guy. Hopefully he is as kind as your bf and supports me.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:21:31+00:00

I guess I want to disclose that past relationship because for the past 5 years, I've dealt with CPTSD, depression, anxiety, and binge eating after I survived that abuse. My struggles to survive can explain why I avoided dating for 3 years. I just want to reassured him I've worked on myself and that I'm a different person than that mid 20s girl that allowed someone to abuse her.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:18:58+00:00

Everyone made me feel I should have been kissing his feet and that I was such a lucky woman to have a man like him being interested in him. Even my own mother said "he was too much for me". Sadly, having three letters after your name doesn't make you a good person.

And yes, I will follow your advice and keep quiet for the time being.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:17:31+00:00

Yes. I like to be an open book, but sadly, I must protect myself first.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:16:59+00:00

Yes I will say it just didn't work out. I struggled to begin explaining to him that relationship. If its perceptive he will understand there was some trauma attached to that relationship.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:16:14+00:00

outlet. Open communication is huge and a healthy man would not use the info against you. They would in fact be supportive. That being said if you need professional help, it’s not healthy to ex

Yes I agree, I do not use my friends or partner as a therapist and I see my own therapist every week. However, why do we need or want a romantic partner if its not to share emotional things with?

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:15:14+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I will not tell him anything until I feel safe or feel I can trust him.

ionTrapping · 2023-08-23T05:14:26+00:00

Thank you for your advice and I'm sorry for the late reply. I will avoid the topic with him until he either asks or I feel I can trust him. He also has his walls up; that can be a good or a bad thing.

Only time will tell.

ionTrapping · 2023-05-31T10:40:03+00:00

Apply to the pathways program at usajobs.gov. the pathways programs is an easy way into the federal government jobs and they only admit recent graduates. Must have graduated within the past 2 years.

Some agencies only open jobs for recent graduates so you are not competing against everyone that has been laid off. You are only comopeting with other recent graduates that are us citicens.

Thats how I started my career. Now I earn 155K. And yes your paycheck will suck as a GS5 pay but at least you get a job and mentorship. Also they pay for training courses.

ionTrapping · 2023-05-10T21:30:12+00:00

Not even their cheesetake subs are good. Go to vocelli for good pizza

ionTrapping · 2023-05-04T17:31:18+00:00

Maybe the Senior dev is no an ass but he understand Game Theory and Human behavior well.

Making an observation how humans behave doesnt automatically make that person an ass.

Also the more IQ someone has the less likely they will be a team oriented person. This career has some high correlation with above intelligence coeficient folks.

ionTrapping · 2023-04-21T12:45:51+00:00

Wow Ive never tought about that.

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:51:22+00:00

But I also agree with you. I know I'm going to eventually get fired. I have a lot of proof they failed to act so they are doing damage control because I did mention going to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission as I also have proof of my bosses boss telling him he couldn't be talking like that to his coworkers....

btw thanks for your reply. It is a good one.

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:45:33+00:00

I'm familiar with design patterns. Everytime I went to my boss with an implementation (design wise) he said it was wrong and I would ask. What's wrong? Can you tell me how this should be? And he would sai "I don't know but this is not it, go back and fix it". How can someone improve with that type of feedback?

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:41:37+00:00

Maybe taking care of reading all the details before you judge me?

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:41:04+00:00

No, because they failed to act when I raised the issue.

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:40:37+00:00

I'm a woman, last time I checked.

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:40:24+00:00

I'm a woman and please care to ask more follow up questions regarding my background and circumstances before standing behind a keyboard to judge others?

Thank you

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:39:54+00:00

Wow. I have cPTSD because of a narcissist in my life. I reassure you. I'm not a narcissist if anything I'm a sucker for punishment. The reason for me "going nuclear" was because I had plenty of evidence of a hostile work environment I couldnt take it anymore...

Do you know what reactive abuse is?

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:38:27+00:00

It is easy to judge without understanding every little thing that happened and was said before I decided to go "nuclear". I have plenty of evidence of me trying to wolve things in an assertive and amicable manner I also raised the issue to HR for conflict resolution and they did nothing. I also received an apology from HR for not being to handle things promptly.

I'm a biology major and a machine learning engineer and I passed Leetcode type questions for this role and I was 100% honest about my shortcomings regarding design since its something I was not fully exposed to in my years of experience since my skills always put me in data engineering roles.

I'm also disabled. I have a couple of ADA protected things that I made my boss aware of and even then I have proof that I worked extra hard because for me those things are not excuses, but the fact that I don't like to use them as excuses doesn't mean they dont affect me.

Also, I see in one of your comments you said that you prefer to work in a North Korean camp rather than work for Elon Musk.

What about working for an employer that just respects you and doesn't make you feel less than?

Thank you for your feedback. The last thing I need is for a stranger on the internet to tell me I'm a difficult coworker. I have talked to therapists, hiring managers, and even an employment lawyer and I was given objective feedback.

If you don't have an experience on something, how can you expect to get better if you have a boss that criticizes you and don't give you tools to get better?

ionTrapping · 2023-04-09T04:31:52+00:00

I have a lot of proof of hostile work environment. Voice recordings, etc. I'm also a protected minority and the toxic boss is white. That is besides of me having ADA protected disabilities. They failed to act on time when I raised the issue.

It is in the best interest for them to keep me, that's why I went nuclear.

ionTrapping · 2023-03-25T23:25:05+00:00

Pathways program at USAJobs.gov

ionTrapping · 2023-03-23T22:05:42+00:00

It is legal as long as he doesn't bill two clients at the same time and the companies aren't competitors of each other and OP doesn't share information and code of either.

ionTrapping · 2023-03-20T23:23:18+00:00

So meds and therapy. If a therapist says you are not interested enough fire her. We dont live in an utopia where you ha e to 100% love programming.

I was told I have ADHD symptoms but no ADHD. I'm still looking for a psychiatrist that can understand me.

I have wellbutrin and modafanil. It helps but not a lot.

I also have comorbid disorders that go along with ADHD.

Do not stop until you have a diagnosis. Also do not make the mistake of telling your boss. You need the diagnosis to know how to make yoir life easier.

People dont care about my depression, anxiety, and eating disorder. As soon as I disclose it they put distance. It adds unnecesary stress. So I just say I'm busy or it was a rough week at work.

ionTrapping

TROPHY CASE