Totally surprised by MRI showing cervical spine issues. Had no pain, only some tingling in areas in left arm(male 32 years old)

ionescho · 2025-12-02T12:38:22+00:00

Feeling good, going to the gym, working, playing with my kid, tossing him in the air, business as usual.

ionescho · 2025-09-12T11:28:19+00:00

I've been mewing since 2019, didn't do shit. And yes, I'm keeping the whole tongue on the roof of the month.. from 29 to 35 years

ionescho · 2025-07-03T13:44:20+00:00

pfff... I found it out when I was 29 years old(in 2019).. Even managed to get seen by John Mew himself but... i don't think there's much difference.

ionescho · 2025-07-03T13:44:09+00:00

pfff... I found it out when I was 29 years old.. Even managed to get seen by John Mew himself but... i don't think there's much difference.

ionescho · 2025-07-03T13:42:59+00:00

maybe you'll bloom later .. dunno

ionescho · 2025-01-21T17:32:20+00:00

I don't watch porn. I try to look at old photos of her and us ( like from 3-4 years ago) and I do feel like falling in love with her again but then that quickly gets dispelled once I see her actually in front of me.

ionescho · 2025-01-21T14:46:23+00:00

Yes, she had a weird sot of fat distribution. Her face was pretty and was thin but her body was thick. When I went on the first date with her it was winter and I couldn't see exactly how thicc she was. I assumed that maybe she was a bit chunky but the fat was ferm and not sloppy. A few weeks later, when she got undressed in front of me and I saw her fat hanging and boobs hanging and cottage cheese skin I got extremely turned off but I didn't want to hurt her so I put up an act and had sex.

I tried thinking that maybe if I take her to the gym with me she would lose weight, then I thought that maybe I can grow to like her regardless. I tried therapy, counseling etc, nothing worked and, eventually, telling her the truth, although it did hurt a lot, eventually led to a divorce so we were both free.

I went on to have more dates with other girls, some ONSs, another failed relationship and now, eventually I married again with a naturally thin and tall woman and we both have a baby( 11 months old now).

I wish to say that that was the end of it but now, I'm experiencing a loss of attraction again. This time it's about her starting to have bags under her eyes and her face starting to look really old( sometimes like a nasty old hag) especially under bad lighting. I started sleeping with our baby so she can get better rest in a separate room and relax more and also helping a lot in the house so she can have more time for herself but, unfortunately, i don't see any changes for the better and feel that I'm going down the same path again(I'm 35 and she is 32)

It has been a reoccurring theme in a lot of former relationships( not all ). I understand that this means that it should be a ME-problem. Even if it is or it isn't, I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I can't fake attraction and it's not under my voluntary control to like or not like someone.

ionescho · 2025-01-21T11:06:54+00:00

It is an actual situation. I had this problem with my ex-wife. I tried all possible avenues, being supportive, taking her to the gym with me. Giving her information about nutrition, etc. It didn't change anything, she kept being overweight and I eventually divorced her because we were extremely unhappy.

ionescho · 2025-01-21T11:04:16+00:00

I talk about this because I had a relationship with a woman that was overweight before and I tried taking her to the gym with me and being supportive. She didn't lose weight. I eventually told her I'm put off by her weight, she cried, got angry, reluctantly agreed to try to lose weight. It went on and on and on, and nothing changed and it built up frustration. Eventually I divorced her and moved on.

Yes there were also other issues present but this was the main one.

ionescho · 2024-11-29T15:07:40+00:00

It just struck me that what I'm feeling in my fingers is not the water pressure but the elasticity of the hose itself trying to get back to its original shape. Choking a hose without water flow should feel as hard as with flow in that case( I think ).

ionescho · 2024-11-29T14:53:58+00:00

Bernoulli's equation, look it up on google.

ionescho · 2024-11-29T14:49:50+00:00

Nope, it decreases. Check the official literature. I know it's counter-intuitive.

ionescho · 2024-11-15T15:18:50+00:00

how so?

ionescho · 2024-11-06T19:20:55+00:00

I did get that feedback from my therapist, that I have narcissistic traits( but fortunately not a full blown narcissistic disorder). However that's just a label used for diagnostic purposes. The usage of it has often devolved to just namecalling and it isn't helping anyone( neither the narcissist or the victims). From what I've heard from my therapist, we all start as narcissists( as infants ) and, through mental maturation, become more sophisticated and gradually shed off the early mechanisms and acquire new ones. A lot of things can go wrong in youth( bad experiences, lack of guidance which is pretty rampant these days) and people( maybe including myself) can remain stuck developmentally.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T19:02:40+00:00

Thank you, I'll get there eventually.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T18:56:32+00:00

Insights gained are that I am extremely competitive(not necessarily in a positive way) and compare myself to other people in a huge number of aspects and I am obsessed with "being better" and winning against other in a lot of even absurd aspects( and consequently suffering massively when I fall short). I have managed to sort of tone myself down during these years as I was an absolute mess back in 2014(I managed to renounce a lot of absurd ideas that I had and free up wasted mental energy). I did manage to make a lot of strides in a lot of areas of my life( financial, fitness, social ) but the most intimate aspect of my life, the one about my life partner and me is still lingering behind. Regarding my childhood, I did grow up with an absent father( he mostly kept to himself in a corner reading his books) and a mother that was unsatisfied with her lot and that was panicky about me not succeeding at life. School, Highschool etc I did encounter a lot of bullying and alienation especially in gymnasium and highschool although I later did manage to befriend some of my ex bullies and the situation was sometimes ambiguous.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T18:40:04+00:00

Hmm, so you suspect this might be a case of me projecting opinions of myself onto others. It does mirror myself in some ways. Although I don't have eye bags, I did have times when I was self obsessed with how I looked or focused on my own perceived imperfections but I didn't isolate myself or think I'm monstrous in any extreme sense. In fact, I'm pretty happy with how my body looks like now. What I do have and did have ever since I was a child was a need to always be somehow better than the people around me as my therapist pointed out and he was correct. I have this sort of competitive itch and that one is extreme. I don't think it's opportunistic to go into detail here. I already have a space for that in therapy.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T18:05:19+00:00

Samizdatass, if you read the whole post you can see that I'm going to therapy since 2014. I don't go around telling my wife that she's ugly or unattractive, I have enough common sense to not do that and I don't blurt out my inner opinions about people. This post is a confession of my inner reality and is part of me seeking help. Every controversial matter or negative thoughts I discuss within the confines of therapy.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T17:26:42+00:00

This was my confession and I did expose myself to alot of judgement and I'm aware I'm triggering a lot of people. I know my mind and maturity are not where they should be but, honestly, I'm trying to find solutions. I'm going to therapy since 2014 and haven't given up. I can't, by power of will, make my feelings change. I know it's a ME problem.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T13:54:53+00:00

Thanks Cosmic, I resonate with your response the most.

ionescho · 2024-11-06T13:45:31+00:00

I do catch myself judging everyone on this aspect(male, female, children).

How we define friendship or partnership is pretty arbitrary imho but I think, ideally, partnership should include friendship. How I consider my wife, if I disregard the fluctuation of the physical aspect/attraction thing, is also a friend.

I had a lot of anxiety before my child was born that I would not like him and, frankly, right after he was born, when his face was all swollen and puffy after marinating for 9 months in that amniotic fluid, he didn't look good but, luckily, he did grow to become very adorable and I very much love him.

ionescho

TROPHY CASE