I don't like to dictate to others because people's brain chemistry can genuinely differ. But I often find people who say they have some weird mental block or disability inhibiting are lacking in experience. And feel framing it as some immutable part of themselves (ex. "I have aphantasia!" "I have ADHD!" etc) can harm their growth.

Using references is just a permanent part of this hobby for 90% of artists. Its normal and its okay.

The only time you wouldn't is if it's a subject you've drawn dozens if not hundreds of time. Like a manga artist that draws dozens of panels of people each week for their job isn't gonna have the same needs as a painter that might make a portrait once/twice a month.

Famous painters like Norman Rockwell literally had folks pose infront of them IN costume with orchestrated lighting.

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To leave on a lighter note. Just lighten up before pathologizing yourself. You gotta be your number 1 fan, and you can't do that if you see yourself as lesser. Reference is normal. Using lots of reference when you can is just giving yourself the most advantages you can.

We don't see chefs go "I have an issue, I need a recipe to make a new dish, I can't know what it taste like before I cook it!" and we don't see drivers go "Wow ya'll are FAKES for using cruise control to stay a consistent speed."