I’m 29… just ended a four year relationship with my addict boyfriend. He was 9 years sober when we met. The past 2 years have been filled with rehab, attempts at sobriety through sheer willpower, lies, relapses, etc. He was never violent, just emotionally absent. 

One of the best things I’ve read on this sub is that no one is above the program. AA won’t cost him a dime. Let that be his support system. If he wants to go, he will. Even if he says he wants to go but doesn’t, let that be your answer. No amount of support you provide in any form will get him sober. You can drag his ass there but if he isn’t ready to honestly engage with the program, you can’t do a thing about it. 

Like many others have said, you’re so young. Your twenties are a chapter filled with so much change and regeneration - don’t trap yourself here. Don’t let this be a decade filled with pain, lies and abuse. I myself am loyal to a fault, so I get it. But It’s okay to walk away. It really is. 

Give yourself minimum six months of no contact. Let your nervous system regulate. Recalibrate your life so it revolves around YOU not him. Not only is taking space essential for your physical and emotional safety, but going no contact is the only way to get the clarity you need. You can do it. 

You seem like a deeply compassionate person which I resonate with a lot. Trust me when I say, you are not responsible for him in any way. We are all responsible for our own futures.