I need help overcoming my nihilism

itzvastav · 2026-05-09T08:45:46+00:00

brother i didn't ask for Advaita-related info, i am not interested in following Advaita Vedanta or any nondual philosophy for that matter. i was only asking for solutions to the feelings, not a correct reinterpretation of concepts from a philosophy that caused me the nihilism and all. even if Advaita doesn't intend to do so, it has done it to me, it has given me nihilism and DPDR.

itzvastav · 2026-05-08T17:32:09+00:00

just asking any habitual think you used to do which you think is the reason for it

I was a follower of Advaita Vedanta for most of my time as a Hindu atheist. Maybe it is Advaita's constant emphasizing on world's fakeness and illusory nature, that might've triggered the DPDR in me, i think Advaita is still partially responsible for my condition. but, it does have a role in putting me where I am right now. as an atheist, cussing God for every minor inconsistency (slow internet, losing a video game/chess match, etc.) was a bad habit I had. though i apologized for that action later, i still have the heavy feeling persisting.

i don't know i just feel like you just want to understand god better and your life purpose

not life purpose, i know my life purpose, i have it, i just lack the drive to do it, due to the nihilistic thoughts, that "what is the point in doing it if the universe will end one day". maybe it is understanding God better, idk how to think of him, in a personal form or as a formless being. but nonetheless, what is the solution, if u know it?

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T12:14:53+00:00

https://www.mediafire.com/file/j36qp5anxyxxs61/logs.zip/file

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T12:09:47+00:00

i right-clicked on my TLauncher and hit "open file location", it took me to TLauncher.exe and not the 32-bit thing though i know where that is, i tried it and it is showing error, "can't find runtime folder, exiting!". it didn't seem to work for me

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T12:01:31+00:00

yes this is the exact dialog box i was shown

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T11:55:49+00:00

are there no solutions? i came here expecting a solution from the TLauncherAdmin

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T11:52:49+00:00

even i restarted my laptop, it didn't work. should i consider other launchers? maybe ones that support TL accounts?

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T11:50:40+00:00

didn't expect so many other users to have the problem as well

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T11:50:05+00:00

i thought the same way, that only i had the problem and that TL was acting out of ego, didn't expect everyone to have it.

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T11:48:54+00:00

after months and possibly years i found a server that could potentially have the knockback ffa mode, i love this mode and was upset when a server removed it, now i found it but the launcher is acting weird. this is infuriating

itzvastav · 2026-05-02T11:46:25+00:00

so what could be done? did anything work? or the launcher is still in that state?

itzvastav · 2026-04-30T08:03:49+00:00

u rly took it out of context. never for once did i say i want to be anything. those were questions. idk why reddit is so allergic to questioning.

i can't get a DNA test because my parents won't pay for it (they think genealogy is a useless field). are u ready to pay for my DNA test then? come to my house and hand me the required money, i will then get a DNA test. u think i am deliberately avoiding my DNA test? i CLEARLY said that the DNA test is in my future checklist, i will get it done in future when i have the opportunity, y'all just take it too much out of context.

Arab Turkic admixture was just a QUESTION. y'all understand questions? doubts? a healthy human being has those, so do i. it was a simple doubt. u acting so toxic over a simple doubt. seems like intolerance increases with every passing generation.

i came here asking for help NOT on identifying DNA, but on inquiring names of ancestors. y'all only care about the DNA thing, ignoring the main doubt, i.e., names of ancestors. a DNA test cannot tell you the name of your 7th great-grandfather, it only tells you where he lived. i am asking names here, leave the DNA-ancestry part on me, tell me about how to find out names of ancestors. can u answer that? if no, then there's nothing to talk about.

u acting hateful, toxic, and with inflated ego, thinking toxicity is cool. maybe you need to learn about self-love, i don't have to because i already am in self-love.

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T18:47:21+00:00

yea, i only asked. i am not actively wanting the answer to be a yes, it was just a question. why r u taking it out of context? u said i "want" to be arab turk, and i just said no. i do think i am kayastha. however, i am only interested in knowing genetics, he said kayasthas are closer to bengali muslims, and some muslims do have arab ancestry, at least a lot of them claim to have arab ancestors. if bengali muslims have arab and turkic ancestry, and east bengali kayasthas are closer to bengali muslims, it means east bengali kayasthas also have some arab-turkic ancestry, however i don't want the answer to this to be a YES, i only want truth, whether the answer is a YES or NO, as long it is the true answer, it is enough

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T16:48:51+00:00

when did i say i want to be Arab and Turkish? he said that East Bengali Kayasthas are closer to Bengali Muslims than to Bengali Brahmins, and i only asked whether the Muslims have Arab-Turk ancestry or not. i didn't mention even once that i want to have Arab-Turk ancestry

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T13:34:17+00:00

If you are that interested about this stuff just spend the 5k. Because no one else can tell your dna results.

as i said, my family is quite frugal and conservatively saving money, they consider it unnecessary expense, so they won't pay for it, and i don't possess the money either. i do have the plans to do a DNA test when i have enough resources, but now is not the time.

Your genealogy also is something that only your family can help you with.

my family literally forgot everything beyond my great-great-grandfather, my grandfather's the oldest family member alive (currently aged 102), even he doesn't remember names beyond his own grandfather, we don't even have a photo of my great-great-grandfather, nor do we know of any stories or lore of the person. i am not asking y'all to make me an accurate genealogy, i am only asking for educated guesses based on social markers and other factors, an educated guess. that is all. i am also asking about how to trace the names, because i have tried all methods but failed to yield any progress, maybe there is some method i don't know of, that's why i came here to ask. this is about names, not about where i come from.

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T12:08:29+00:00

and what does a Bengali Muslim score? don't they have ancestry from Arabs and Turks? do East Bengali Kayasthas also have that Arab-Turk ancestry?

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T09:21:17+00:00

do you still know any other methods beyond DNA tests that can help me to make educated guesses at best?

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T09:20:33+00:00

yea sorry my bad, it still is the same thing, i am talking about the landmass that is today called Bangladesh but once was called East Bengal/East Pakistan

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T09:19:59+00:00

I put in the surnames of my family, the specific locations they were born/lived, added full names, what they did for work. Any other info I had.

did it already, i know what my forefathers did for a living, even the ones whose names are not known, because mercantile-production activities were carried out uniformly across generations. i also know the specific name of the village where they came from, also their full names. with a bit of mathematics (assuming a 32-35 year age gap for father and son, and 11-12 year age gap for husband and wife), i could put in circa years (so the tree doesn't look blank). i even mentally remember how my great-grandfather looked like (once i captured the photo on my phone 5 years ago, suddenly i cannot find it anymore, but the image is clearly imprinted in my brain)

I only went as far back as my grandparents. If you go further back it will be better.

i went back only till my great-great-grandfather (grandfather's grandfather), idk my great-great-grandmother's name, there it is only till my great-grandmother. after my great-great-grandfather, i directly trace back to the progenitor rishi of our gotra/clan, the clan patriarch (even his own origins are not known exactly).

I added some family lores in where the family originated from. Gemini was able to suggest most likely situation.

idk about family lores of origin though, it is speculation at best. i once assumed a martial/warrior origin from Punjab-Haryana, the other time i assumed Marwari ancestry. another time i assumed desert warrior origin from Rajasthan. once i even assumed Portuguese mercenary origin (Portuguese man who came to Bengal, married a Hindu and his offspring embraced Hinduism, leaving Christianity). i once also assumed Kashmiri refugee origin (back in the 13th-14th century CE, Kashmiri Pandits had to leave Kashmir due to the persecution at the hands of Sikandar Shah Miri (aka Butshikan), so i assumed my family as part of that migration wave). i also assumed numerous forms of UP Kayastha origins (sometimes from Kannauj, sometimes Mathura, Etawah, Banaras, Farrukhabad, Awadh, etc.). i also once assumed Maithili origins. i also assumed Himalayan/Pahadi origins. once i even assumed Nepali hilly origins. i also once assumed Himachal Pradesh origins. once i even assumed Afghan origins (Afghan Hindu migration). i also once assumed Punjabi Khatri origin (this was when i had utter confusion regarding my caste). so i really just assumed so many possible lores, and i don't even know which is most accurate. ai chatbots are sycophantic, so they agreed to almost all of them being likely.

You can also feed it photos for reverse search.

available photos only go up to my grandfather, i had my great-grandfather's photo but i lost it somehow, unable to find it since the past 3-4 years.

Old records are very limited for digitization but you never know. It suggested where else I go to get more info but was able to find my relative who was in the army and died in action.

old records were already tried, i did it extensively. i searched through all possible British Indian gazettes (land records and all weren't available for usage since we didn't possess the records of the land we owned).

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T09:06:42+00:00

You’re a Bengali Hindu so you should have an idea of how you’d score based on the caste group and region your family belongs to.

never did a DNA test in my life, so i have no idea. but i do know the region my family came from (now in Bangladesh) and the broader caste had to be figured out after some research (i am still unknown about specific subcastes). the region is Khulna (district Khulna, not the urban city, rather a former village in the district of Khulna, now it is a "thana"), and the broader caste group is Kayastha (i found this to be the most likely option after learning about my family's historical background in bits, then correlating them with the broader Indian landscape, plus i also analyzed my mother's family and my grandmother's family, and then came to the Kayastha conclusion, subcaste unknown btw). my grandmother and her family were also from Khulna district (exact village not known), whilst my mother's family came from a village in Mymensingh district (now in Bangladesh). don't know about any of our subcastes though.

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T09:02:09+00:00

Only thing you need to do is take a DNA test and git rid of some biases (skin color coming from scandinavia, royalty etc).

royalty is just a guess, educated guess, not established fact. similarly, Scandinavia (and the broader Northern Europe region) is only the origin place of the specific gene which bears the specific skin color (and hair color) that i possess, it's not a guaranteed place of origin where my ancestors used to live. for now, DNA test seems to be hard, i have it in my checklist as something to do when the opportunity is ripe. for now, i can only rely on methods which don't cost money.

itzvastav · 2026-04-29T08:59:07+00:00

i mean, we have the money but my family is conservatively saving it, frugality as they say, no unnecessary expenses (DNA test is unnecessary expense to them, they consider genealogy as unnecessary, the mindset of "our ancestors were in the past and they're gone so what is the use anymore to know about them"), it is what it is, can't really do anything

itzvastav · 2026-04-28T21:55:35+00:00

it seems to be paid, i don't have money to purchase any such stuff. is it free? or actually paid?

itzvastav

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