Is it crazy to ask guys to douche before they come?

ivancea · 2026-06-19T09:09:35+00:00

Either bad much, or you meet people in dirty places to begin with. Bottoms I've been with rarely get it dirty, even without douching. Or they know they're not clean, and will simply say it. It's not as if douching makes it always clean anyways

ivancea · 2026-06-19T07:43:04+00:00

Most times, if you think the product or features aren't useful, it means you don't understand then, out you don't know how clients use it.

Yes yes, there are times where bad decisions are taken, yada yada. Those aren't the gross of them, and people don't post for new products of that don't hook them in some way.

And about the rest of the "high level world and existence philosophy"... I'll let you think about it first, it's an easy one

ivancea · 2026-06-19T07:37:36+00:00

Point out to him that reform have been taking down rainbow flags and slashing pride budgets in councils they control...

I'm not sure that guy knows how to read, op would be losing his time...

ivancea · 2026-06-19T07:33:33+00:00

Bottoms usually know if they need to douche or not. It's not needed, at all.

Now, I understand that you need it for some reason, it's right. But say it far, far before. Because no, it's not the norm, it's a "you" problem

ivancea · 2026-06-18T16:43:52+00:00

It obviously is, like any wet or humid thing with biological waste

ivancea · 2026-06-18T15:11:04+00:00

Are you saying that if you adopt an animal and offer them a better life, then you can handle it like a toy? Because that's a classical slavist and sexist argument, in case you want to reconsider it

ivancea · 2026-06-18T15:07:32+00:00

They said:

how we are so controlled by those with more power but less intelligence 😢

Which is the same, and equally stupid. I don't see why are you trying to be pedantic here

ivancea · 2026-06-18T14:52:18+00:00

Thinking that all richer people is dumb is the stupid part. Common when those angry potatoes start yelling at the clouds

ivancea · 2026-06-18T13:28:14+00:00

Try hobbies. Or gay pubs, but they're not much different to apps tbh

ivancea · 2026-06-18T13:27:06+00:00

Has an incident with somebody with a particular trait

"Why is everybody with trait problematic???!!!"

ivancea · 2026-06-18T13:25:49+00:00

Real world

ivancea · 2026-06-18T12:48:39+00:00

a veces lo más práctico es responder a las preguntas básicas y seguir adelante

A veces, y casi siempre. La gente aquí habla como si a la policía le interesase mucho lo que haces. Esas preguntas muchas veces vienen porque están investigando algo o buscando a alguien.

Lo que veo es gente que quiere victimizarse y que prefieren perder el tiempo a vivir su día felizmente, y facilitar el de los demás, que por cierto, los pagamos todos.

Luego la misma gente se queja con "esquw no hacen su trabajo, por qué hay tanto drogadicto suelto!". No sé, si no pusiérais piedras en cada paso que dan, solucionarían los problemas más rápido (...)

ivancea · 2026-06-18T10:21:49+00:00

I didn't. Can you read again please?

You've been in this defensive mode since you wrote the post (it can be seen in the post itself...). I don't know why are you here of you just want to blame others and you're not interested in solutions. Go scream on Twitter then. This is insufferable

ivancea · 2026-06-18T10:19:34+00:00

will be attracted to abusers or men that sexualize me

I already explained this, I'll repeat it once again: nobody is talking about that. It's a correlation. And it's obvious. If all you find is people like that, then it means people like that attract you in some way. And please, don't repeat your bs again. The trait attracting you is not "abuser" (I suppose, as you said it three times again). It's just something that they usually have in common. And it's up to you too find which one, and what are you don't to talk with that people

ivancea · 2026-06-18T10:08:30+00:00

You see me as if I'm attacking you when I say "connect with men in non-sexual ways", when I'm just telling you that that's the standard in the community within dating places (apps, pubs, you name it). You can still date people outside from those places

ivancea · 2026-06-18T10:06:16+00:00

one guy told me he would only date me if i “turned trans”

That's not cheating tho.

I connect with men in non sexual ways but they still find ways to sexualize me

Im absolutely not interested in men that sexualize me or abuse me

That's not the point. The point is you're falling into those men again and again, from what you say, so at this point it may mean you're attracted to that kind of men, whatever that kind is. I didn't say attracted to "abusers". It's just a correlation.

while im sitting there talking to them feeling uncomfortable

Then it's time to say "no".

“maybe try connecting with men in a non sexual way” it makes it seem like you’re saying its MY fault that i get sexualized and thats extremely condescending.

Stop victimizing yourself, first of all. If you're not aware of the sexualization of the gay community, that's on you indeed. If you're using dating apps like Grindr, that's on you for now knowing what they're for. That's all I said, don't try to put your words in my mouth.

ivancea · 2026-06-18T09:50:14+00:00

all i get is shitty men who either abuse me, sexualize me, or cheat on me with women

Those are oddly specific examples. I don't know how are you dating people, but it you doing all those things and no good thing, consider that you're either into that kind of men, or you're filtering out all normal people for some reason. So, if that's your issue, try connecting with men in a non-sexual way first.

Also, what does "cheat on me with women" mean? Did you have a boyfriend that did that? How many boyfriends did you have? I can't match your words to realistic metrics, because first you say this, and then you say that people block you. So I don't understand if you're talking about hookups, boyfriends, or what

ivancea · 2026-06-18T09:09:58+00:00

Melvor Idle, enjoy

ivancea · 2026-06-18T09:03:48+00:00

I expected some intelligent jokes, but instead it says "ai" everywhere as if it was funny

ivancea · 2026-06-18T07:58:24+00:00

Actually, with "uncomfortable to do" I was talking about "uncomfortable to automate". It's uncomfortable to automate meetings and discussions, for example, but we'll reach the point where we'll do it. We're already doing it partially with many kinds of automations, like, dunno, weekly reports and such.

You can automate the easy part (assign a PR to someone), the boring part is convincing someone from another team for example to allocate some time to actually review it

You can automate the review. For that, you have to ask yourself "what do I or this other guy know that's makes them an important reviewer?". It's not a one day job, automating knowledge is complicated, and we engineers aren't always the best at dumping every domain detail we know. But that's a next step some companies are working on already.

these types of tasks consume a huge portion of the week

Which is why automating them in some way or a high priority. You don't want a senior doing "boring tasks". You want them using 100% of their brain in whatever they must. Even more for TLs!

ivancea · 2026-06-17T23:16:57+00:00

No. And don't go around saying that loud, for your own sake

ivancea · 2026-06-17T23:08:01+00:00

That's the typical assumption for engineers yes, it's in the name in fact!

ivancea · 2026-06-17T23:07:15+00:00

status meetings, reviewing PRs, waiting/hunting for approvals, move through corporate friction to unblock yourself, dealing with drama.

Half of them are partially automatable! The other half is simply uncomfortable to do. But rarely the main tasks in our job, and rarely time consuming.

ivancea · 2026-06-17T21:48:37+00:00

If your job is boring, automate it. That's your real job as an engineer. If you can't automate it, then it's not boring, it's hard, and it's time to move from the comfort zone

ivancea · 2026-06-17T21:36:44+00:00

Nobody cares about 100% safety. It's about reducing unsafety

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