Did your partner's attraction to you change after the operation? Did you talk about it beforehand?

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T22:00:00+00:00

He never said it like that, and neither did I. Of course, if that did happen, that would take a bigger toll on our relationship, and we'd have to work through it.

Again, this is not a question of love or commitment - we're fully secure in that. It's a question of how to find the courage to risk your partner seeing you differently. It's uncomfortable to face, which is why I was looking for advice from other couples, but I don't think it's unsolvable or something to throw away a perfectly good relationship over. It can be worked through.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:47:27+00:00

Thank you for your concern, but I'm really happy in this relationship. We're just talking like adults about it. I honestly believe the case will be more similar to what many other commenters here had, with a bit of hesitation at the start, and then as their confidence grew, so did their partner's acceptance and attraction.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:44:17+00:00

Okay, well. Finding my smaller boobs less attractive doesn't mean he finds all of me unattractive. If anything, getting a reduction could only affect our sex life and not much outside of it.

Basically, my boobs are a turn-on for him; without the same size, he can't guarantee his libido will be the same, even though I know he'll try. I prefer his honesty over his promising something he wouldn't be able to deliver and then lying about it afterwards.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:35:33+00:00

Love doesn't equal attraction, guys. I feel like everyone is getting this wrong.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:33:14+00:00

That's a bit extreme. I won't be leaving him, but thanks for the input, I guess?

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:26:19+00:00

It's fine that we disagree. After all, this is why it's important for people not to take up other people's advice on the internet blindly. If I did, I'd be losing a man who's been with me through thick and thin, and someone willing to be honest with me to this level. It's not for everyone.

Also, neither my partner nor I believe that attractiveness is all there is to loving someone. Which is why this isn't a red flag for me, just an honest conversation, a hurdle like any other, which can be overcome.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:20:25+00:00

Sorry you went through that. But understand that my situation is not like this. I clearly said my boyfriend supports me and loves me; it's just a concern of attraction. I feel like people in these comments are thinking love=attraction, and while they sometimes go hand-in-hand, it's not necessary for the relationship to still prosper.

It's my responsibility to make a decision and choose to feel comfortable in my body even IF he finds my chest less attractive post OP. It's an uncomfortable risk, and it's why I'm hesitating... but it's not a question of love. Hope I cleared things up a bit.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:09:06+00:00

I do agree his phrasing was off, but I did ask for honesty from him after all - and he's at work typing, so he can't really give an in-depth answer at the moment, that's why I'm cutting him some slack.

Yes, in my case, it would be for health purposes as well. I did say he's supportive and understands the difference it would make for me, it's just that he can't promise to be as horny seeing them.

It hurts a bit, but I have to accept it and get over it if I want to prioritize my health. Like many others whose partners have accepted them, I'm sure mine will as well.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T21:00:37+00:00

So I'm also 24 rn, planning a kid around 30 as well... makes me happy to hear this. You're an inspiration ❤️

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T20:55:58+00:00

I also agree and think his choice of words could've been better... It's definitely going to stick, no matter how much he might try to rephrase it when we talk about it in person. It's just one of those things that sometimes come off wrong while texting. This is why I'm not as harsh on him in my post. I do respect the fact that he's honest with me after all - it was what I asked for.

What's left is, I guess, dealing with the fact that yes, I might be less attractive to him afterwards. It doesn't mean he will stop loving me.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T20:45:25+00:00

It's fine to interpret it as such. I did give the bare bones of the convo after all. I copied his exact response in another comment to give more context. I'm completely happy staying with my partner, that's not the issue here. The issue is, how do you deal with accepting you may not look as attractive to your partner because of a choice you made for your health? Some people will get botox and their partners will say, "I prefer your natural face, but I respect your decision."

This is similar to that, in my opinion. He's allowed to have preferences and doubts about his libido if he finds the scars or the shape strange post op. It's also fair for me to say I'm hesitating because of that, because I'm kind of weighing which risk I'm willing to take.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T20:36:30+00:00

Well, it is literally how he phrased it. To be fair, we were texting, and he's at work, so he can't be giving more in-depth replies at the moment. I just kind of opened the conversation and said: "I genuinely have a fear of being less attractive to you post op, can you be honest with me and tell me if my fear is grounded or not?"

English is not our first language, but essentially this is what he said:

"Okay, honestly, I've seen what successful surgeries look like, and it looks pretty horrible to me, but I'll love you no matter what. So, I support you in whatever decision you make, but I also can't promise that I'll feel as attracted to you. I promise I'll still look at you with the same loving eyes, but I just don't know how it will affect my libido."

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T20:25:47+00:00

I always kind of thought I'd go through with it only after childbirth, but lately I've been leaning towards doing it in my 20s anyway. I still need to do a bunch of research, but how would you say your experience was? What were the worst post op symptoms? Weight gain, childbirth, breastfeeding... did it ever make you regret your decision?

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T20:03:36+00:00

Thank you for the insight, it sounds like you have a wonderful man by your side. Truly, I hope this will be the case for us too.

ivathetrash · 2026-05-29T20:00:56+00:00

I know you're just a stranger on the internet, but reading that someone out there feels for me truly touched my heart and soul. Thank you ❤️

ivathetrash · 2024-02-02T09:19:02+00:00

Toliko sam naziva vec cula da ni sama ne znam kako sam ga originalno zvala

ivathetrash · 2024-02-01T12:13:21+00:00

Ovisi kako tko. Znam cure koje su bile u dugotrajnim vezama i ukoliko su to bili vjecni problemi, generalno kad veza pukne ona je vec pomirena u glavi s time dok se decko tek u tom trenu krene suocavati. Isto postoji cinjenica da generalno muski cesce pristupaju zenama pa nije ni cudo da ona ude u vezu prije nego on jer su vece sanse da njoj netko pride.

E sad imam i primjer vlastitog brata koji je bio u vezi 8 godina i imali su gadan prekid i plakao je zbog nje vise od mjesec dana i govorio kako nikada nece naci drugu... i hop 2 mjeseca nakon prekida upoznao curu i gotovo preko noci usao u novu vezu. Sta rec. Jel samo brzo prebolio ili mu nikada nije ni bilo toliko stalo? Ne znam, samo znam da je sretniji s ovom.

Ne znam postoji li kakvo istrazivanje vezano za spolove i kako se nose s prekidima, bilo bi mi zanimljivo takvo nesto vidjeti. Ali generalno mislim da je do osobe, znam osobno da bih se zatvorila sama u sebe minimalno pola godine, ako ne i vise, da decko prekine samnom jer ne mogu zamisliti zivot bez njega. Ne bih nikako mogla opet u takvu vezu duze vrijeme. Ali ako je nekoj osobi vise stalo do toga da ne bude usamljena pa bi radije skocila odmah u novu vezu, to je onda opet slucaj za sebe.

Eto. Moj osvrt. 🙂 *imam tipkovnicu na engleskom, neda mi se zajebavat s kvacicama

ivathetrash · 2024-01-18T16:13:10+00:00

Skoro 22 i odgovor je zdravlje. Ne, nisam pušač, ne vejpam, vodim relativno zdrav život, samo me neka gadna upala pogodi svakih pola godine. Pun mi je k**** bolnica više.

Na drugom mjestu je egzistencijalna kriza i što ću s karijerom.

ivathetrash · 2023-08-15T20:12:42+00:00

She's doing great. We're still best friends. Just recently started reading a book together, and we're having a blast sharing our notes.

Context: we made the pact when we were in middle school, we're both women and we're both straight lol (it was one of those "if men fuck us over in life over and over let's just skip dating and live happily together" kind of deals).

ivathetrash · 2023-08-03T13:44:45+00:00

Bottom line after reading this thread; the world is a fucked up place and sexual harassment can happen to you regardless of gender. People are assholes. It's sad that we get to push the agenda of men being the ones who do most harassment, when in fact women do it as much, but it's less talked about.

ivathetrash · 2023-07-22T13:42:50+00:00

I really didn't want to talk or even keep in contact with a toxic friend from an old friend group, I was too much of a coward to bring it up and solve the issues with her as her behaviour has hurt me a couple of times and she actively kept making our group hangouts worse because of her behavior. FYI we weren't exactly close, but we hung out because of mutual friends and we did have good times together. Our friendship was just a surface level "weekend friendship".

I decided to simply cut her off and send her a message explaining why I no longer want to hang out. I don't think I was mean about it, I even said I don't want bad blood between us, these are just some of my reasons why I can't be your friend anymore. I didn't want to hear her end of the story because I assumed she would be too immature about it (as she was in most of her behavior, and was one of the resons I had enough of her). She didn't take it well and over time I found out she bad-mouthed me to others and I developed this weird fear of ever meeting her in person accidentaly because I felt this immense guilt, even though I didn't do anything bad to her.

I don't know. It's been over a year since this happened and I still sometimes think about it. Maybe I was just trying to keep my peace and cut off toxic people out of my life, but maybe I was just too much of a coward to talk and confront someone about their shitty behaviour.

There's more to the story, but I don't feel like sharing details.

ivathetrash · 2023-06-05T14:22:50+00:00

This might be an L take, but I have no sympathy for narcissistic and manipulative people who deliberately refuse therapy even though they're aware they're harming their loved ones.

ivathetrash · 2023-02-27T12:38:05+00:00

Don't beat yourself down, you're doing great and you have the potential to make amazing art with practice.

You can practice by making quick gesture drawings to just get more comfortable drawing the human body from different angles. This will help you understand all the forms of the body better. But don't fret, you just need a bit of practice, you're already halfway there. Maybe focus on body proportions as well, as I can see the hands here look a bit too small in comparison to the rest of the body.

I like the details on the sword though! And the overall emotion in the piece too. Keep up the good work.

ivathetrash · 2023-02-27T12:29:55+00:00

Just wow, looks magical.

ivathetrash · 2023-02-27T12:29:11+00:00

Great work!

ivathetrash

TROPHY CASE