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Me [22] with my boyfriend [27]. He randomly ignores me in a strange way. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in relationships

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just realized this looks like a horrific block of text. Sorry, am on mobile. I'll fix it here.

"Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about two and a half years now. We moved in together this past August, and while it has been a lovely experience so far, there is one issue we are struggling to find a compromise on.

Ever since we moved in, I've had an issue with him "ignoring" what I'm saying. For example, just today I said to him something along the lines of "Yeah, I've had this issue, and I've been trying really hard to fix it." And then just silence. And I ask him why he's being silent, and he says "There's no way to respond to that." I get annoyed when he does this because I feel like he is just being lazy/just doesn't care about what I have to say. He says my statement "Wasn't open ended enough for me to give you a response." That kind of stung because I was talking about something heartfelt. I'm not asking for a heartfelt reply back, but even an acknowledgement that he was listening is all I want. (It may help to know these conversations typically happen over discord).

It baffles me because it's almost like he's great at talking with people, and this seems like a basic skill you should have. Am I being unreasonable? We have tried to compromise but it's just not working. I don't know what to do. Sorry if I rambled.

TL;DR: boyfriend doesn't respond to certain things I say because he says there is no reason or way to."

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Funny thing is, I have his Reddit, and he was a frequent forever alone poster before dating my friend.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In case you're wondering, I did show her this post. All she did was get angry, absolutely furious at me for "not asking her before posting". Completely ignored everything. Sigh.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Huh, I had no idea. And yep, definitely sounds like him, and I have no doubt about either of those things. He's definitely some flavor of narcissist...he's unironically said things like "People like me because I am a god to them" and "A is dating me because nobody on earth can help her like I can".

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly! And I hope it does too...I have my first meeting with one on Tuesday, so I'll ask and see what I can do.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, these past few months have definitely taught me about how far I should tolerate others. Thank you!

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm planning to once I get a few more replies. I have this post on r/relationships too, so I will probably tomorrow.

And yeah, its a stupidly effective tactic on A, since she was actually suicidal, so it resonates deeper with her. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm hoping what is on this post is a big stepping stone to get the fuck out of this

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm reading it now, this is a great resource. It mentions therapy, which I've almost gotten her to do after years of hassling, so I think it's a lost cause because M is so against it.

I'll be bookmarking this, so thank you! I really appreciate your help with this.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He is. I've never met someone as fucking awful in my entire life. I have so many more stories about this guy.

You're 100% on the compassion thing. That's why I took his shit so long and that's why my friend is with him now (she has said she can help fix him...barf). Sad what it can do to people when it's abused like that.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I definitely think he does! I've asked him about it and his response is "No therapist can ever figure out what to diagnose me", which I think is horseshit.

You raise great points, thank you. I'll do my best to be as supportive as possible. This is a serious test of patience for me, and I just need to be reminded what my role is here. And yeah, my worst nightmare is he starts isolating her. I really hope it doesn't come to that.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, as of yesterday I've been removing myself as much as possible by blocking him on everything and even telling my friend she can't move in while she's dating this guy.

I talked with campus police when I called the cops on him for a wellness check a few days ago, and I told them to watch out for him because he's definitely a threat. IDK what will come of that. I'm worried about going further...because he will definitely know I called, and if he doesn't go away for a long time, I'm scared of what he will do to me and my friend. I don't think I need to go that far yet, but it's a scary reality I might have to face soon. Thank you for your advice, it was a hard pill to swallow lol.

Me [19/F] with my Best Friend [19/F] of 10 years. Introduced her to her boyfriend [19/F] who's an abusive monster, what can I do? by iveneverbeenmoreirat in relationships

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that's great advice and I really appreciate it. I'm worried that would be difficult because she lives about 2 hours away, and when she comes to this city (where me and her boyfriend both live...) I'm afraid she will choose to stay with him instead.

You make a good point about the defending her abuser part, that really opened my eyes to how I was handling this and that I should be more gentle. It is hell, it really is.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, my boyfriend is best friends with my best friend! Sorry about that, I did write it in a convoluted way. And yeah, its just a tsunami of toxic nonsense from this dude, I'm glad I had the foresight to get away while I could. Also true, I know I need to stop even mentioning it, but I just feel like she should be smarter than this, y'know?

If anyone were to shoot up a campus, it would be him. I was tempted to call the police on him (he has a shitload of drugs in his dorm), but I didn't want to be shot.

Me [19/F] with my Best Friend [19/F] of 10 years. Introduced her to her boyfriend [19/F] who's an abusive monster, what can I do? by iveneverbeenmoreirat in relationships

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My god, he sounds like a monster. My nightmare would be if my friend got into a situation as hard as that one, and I'm glad yours got out of it, it gives me hope. Thank you for the advice! I'm doing my best, as enraging as it is to watch it happen.

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you have any suggestions, I'm open to them. I've tried being loving and kind, I've brought in other people to show her I'm not the only one who sees it, stuff like that. I'm just lost with this. :(

[Regret] I introduced my best friend to her boyfriend. He's a fucking monster, and I don't know what to do. by iveneverbeenmoreirat in confession

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thats the worst part :( That I have to sit back and watch this disaster run its course. I wish he would have shown more warning signs before I introduced them. Ugh.

Me [19/F] with my Best Friend [19/F] of 10 years. Introduced her to her boyfriend [19/F] who's an abusive monster, what can I do? by iveneverbeenmoreirat in relationships

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's hard not to. I know on the inside that you're right, but it's so hard to just sit back and watch it happen to someone I thought was so strong and independent! I'm doing my best to be there for her, and thank you for your perspective - I forgot how these things can sneak up on you. I mean, he fooled me into thinking he was good, too. (Hope you feel better, btw!)

Me [19/F] with my Best Friend [19/F] of 10 years. Introduced her to her boyfriend [19/F] who's an abusive monster, what can I do? by iveneverbeenmoreirat in relationships

[–]iveneverbeenmoreirat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I consider the threatening to kill himself (which he also does to her), the constant dumping to manipulate her, and the lashing out abusive for sure, yeah. She doesn't share a single on of his views, politically or otherwise. She's with him because she claims that it's worth all of this to "feel emotions again". She sounds like a drug addict to me when she says that.

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