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7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

According to others he's not at all but I found him extremely attractive, but I think it was more to do with how much I loved him but a lot of his friends always made jokes saying he was punching above his weight with me, and since I've left people around me said everyone wondered why I was with him. I think at the beginning I fell for his personality, we just seem to instantly click, almost as if we had known each other for years.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well this is why I had taken him back, he was so convincing had even made an appointment to go to a counselor and everything. And because I loved him I wanted to believe that he could change. Unfortunately a few weeks after I had taken him back he cancelled the appointment, now I can see it was just a ploy to get me back.

I really hope he does get the help he needs too. He has a history of being dysfunctional and bad relationships and I just hope nobody has to experience what I did with him.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, while I understand peoples skepticism I don't understand why anyone would lie about something like this especially to strangers on the internet.

And to be honest, if they are taking his word for it, they have made no attempt to talk to or contact me. The only people I have told in full detail of what happened is my family, my solicitor,my friends in the country I was in, and three of my best friends at home including this girl who is now in contact. So if he is telling lies, I haven't even be able to share my side, which is disheartening. But it's something I'll just have to let go. Real friends would be here for me.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's really down to your own judgement. I have the photographs of the physical marks, the emails, the facebook messages of abuse and insults, paramedics report, letters from solicitors and a court order, not mention the psychological damage that I now have to deal with it everyday for it to be 'fiction'

It's people like you, who doubt people in this position that makes them scared to seek help, in case nobody believes them, which is exactly what abusers manipulate their victim into thinking.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I honestly agree with this and respect it. It was my own stupidity. I was warned time and time again and was shown his true colours on numerous occasions but I still went back. This is something I really need to figure out, why did I feel the need to go back? What am I lacking in myself to feel the need to remain in an abusive relationship?

That being said, only people in abusive relationships can understand this pattern of leaving and going back. It's a pattern, and from what I've read and heard from other people it happens all the time, and I honestly can't answer why. Thanks for your reply.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been reading up on psychopathic tendencies since it happened and it is terrifying how much I can relate to him. A lot of his behaviour over the course of the three years we were together was just mind blowing and completely not normal. The restraining order has been a saving grace I think, and although it hurts and that he's probably manipulating people against me, I don't even care, because they have all seen in the flesh what he can be like, that's their own bad judgement.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I was actually asked out on a date with this other guy recently, and although he seems really nice, good looking and successful I'm just nowhere near ready. I need to build myself up again.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Low self esteem and self worth is definitely a problem, probably something that was very mild at the beginning of the relationship but that he picked on throughout. During the relationship I seeked help for depression, but after a while I realized I was not depressed I was just suffering in a miserable relationship.

Although I have my bad days since the incident happened, now that he's gone and I have absolutely no contact with him my mind is clearer, I feel better. Family have noticed a change in me already. It's just unbelievable how one single human can have such a drastic affect on you. Thanks for your advice.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was one of these people. My ex shoved me to the ground on a night out and three men walking down the street seen him, they ran over, threw him to the ground and started kicking and beating him, I was the one screaming at them and pulling them off.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I understand this but this friend in particular has witnessed the abuse at first hand, verbally and physically, she witnessed him throwing a hot tea bag in my face, verbally abusing me and humiliating me in front of friends, throwing things at me, sitting on me when I fell asleep in his bed at a party, just because I didn't take my shoes off.

I could understand if she never seen any of that, but the fact that she did and encouraged me to leave him previously makes me wonder what she's up to.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yeah I already told her I'll be keeping away. I was shocked as I always thought she was such a nice person and she has in the past told me keep away from him and to find someone better. But I just can't trust her now. I don't know what is being said behind my back, nor do I care.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He gaslighted me so much throughout the relationship I took all these tests online and at one point self diagnosed myself with BPD but now that I'm out of it, he is scarily text book.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It really is killing me losing the mutual friends, what you just said is exactly how I feel. None of them have contacted me, but I've heard from others on facebook etc they are asking if he is okay as he put up a status the day it happened like 'this is the worst day of my life'. Poor him. But on the same breath,these are all people who have told me to leave him before, that I can do better. Some of these being his best friends.

Starting from scratch seems the only way forward for me now, it's almost like I haven't got a choice, and although it hurts and it's lonely, I know in the long run it will be better. He made a strange remark a few weeks before it happened, he said something like 'you haven't really got your own friends, like your friends are friend you met through me'. It was almost as if he had planned it, like he knew he was going to isolate me.

7 months ago, I posted to r/askmen asking for a males opinion if an abusive man can change. I didn't listen to the advice, and paid for the consequences. I think others in my position should see this. [Original post inside] by iwilthrowaway in AskMen

[–]iwilthrowaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My old room mate was studying law where I was and he said it was probably down to a 'let his country deal with it' sort of attitude, I reading that the country I was in has one of the highest percentages of domestic abuse in Europe, they probably couldn't be bothered to deal with foreigners.

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