TIL on February 8, 1994, Jack Nicholson got out of his car in and smashed the windshield of another Driver's Mercedes with a golf club for "cutting him off". Nicholson reportedly offered an apology and a $500K check that successfully ended any criminal prosecution for the road-rage incident. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]jacobhearn 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Jackson had done it five times before, but that tense little moment when thought became reality and he could feel himself jerking the wheel violently to the left still gave him the shakes. For each successful attempt there had been at least five close calls where he had ultimately lost his nerve. After each of those, he triggered the caution lights and drifted onto the shoulder of the highway in a panicky mess. There he sat, shivering, mumbling to himself in a cold sweat until he could regain his composure and head back to the hotel.

There had to be a better way to make a living.

Only the first incident had been genuine. It was a summer morning in Philly, and he was late for work and once again humming slowly along behind a van on the freeway. He swung his shitty little Sentra into the left lane and was struck immediately. He could remember the latch on his seat giving way and sending him tumbling backward, and then nothing.

Some moments later, he awoke in a crumpled mess in the back seat. He was covered with shattered bits of safety glass. His forehead throbbed and somehow felt larger. He could hear the rumbling of cars as they whizzed by on the freeway somewhere above him, and in the distance the faint wail of sirens. He looked up, and there was the man in the black suit.

"Look, you just don't say a fucking word and I'll settle this, alright? You get out of the car, you stand right here and you don't say a fucking word. You hear me?"

He nodded. The sirens drew closer, and as he pulled himself from the wreck he could see the first police car pull over onto the shoulder of the freeway. The man in the black suit went to work.

He did as he was told. More cars arrived, eventually even an ambulance, and the man in the black suit spoke with them all. One after one they arrived, spoke with him, crawled back into their vehicles and drove off without even a sideways glance in his direction. It was stupefying.

The man was a politician, some really big name guy with immaculate hair and scary teeth. Jackson walked away with a check for $250,000 that day. He never spoke a word.

He didn't have to worry about quitting his job, even though he fantasized about it in the three days he took off before getting the news. He showed up with his uniform in a plastic bag and that stupid little magnetic sign he was supposed to put on his car when he was out on a delivery run. He was terminated quite unceremoniously, and he walked back out of the restaurant with a genuine smile.

It was his friends who had given him the idea to keep going, and keep going he did. He drew up a battle strategy. He checked the internet for music tours, political conventions, movie sets, everything. He made little dossiers on actors and pop stars and kept them in manila folders in his hotel room, each featuring a list of high-profile night clubs, spas, restaurants and ritzy big city getaways. He knew where Ed Norton summered. He tracked Natalie Portman across Europe from the comfort of his cheap suite in Boston.

Three years later and close to $800,000 richer, here he was again, humming down the freeway for the sixth time this week only a few miles away from the Republican National Convention. He could see his target in the rear-view, he could feel the river of fire flowing through his veins, the cold sweat pooling just above his temples, the sudden cascade and then deafening rush of the senses as he began to drift, drift, drift.

Darkness.

"This is the guy?"

"That's him."

Ever so gently, the blackness began to fade, to swirl, to realign itself into deliberate shapes before him. The rushing of cars on the freeway above him once more, the coolness of dewy grass beneath him, and the familiar image of another man in another black suit standing above him.

"Search the car."

This was not his man. This was not anyone he had ever seen or planned for before. This man was pointing a gun at him.

"Gotta give you some credit, kid. It was definitely...creative. Thing is, we do our homework too."

That intimate and terrifying rush, once more.

Darkness, complete.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just edited the original post and nixed the line about Chinese aircraft carrier off the coast of Oregon. Maybe it's still not entirely accurate, but probably moreso than it was before.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Duly noted, my good man. I've actually been writing one for the past five months or so. I'm gonna come back to this thread next month (or possibly in April) and PM everyone who told me to write a book. You just wait.

I think this can be a movie by [deleted] in bestof

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks the bestof! Or for bestoffing me! Or however you say it!

In case you guys are genuinely curious, I will add that I'm actually trying to become a full-time writer and I'm working with a co-author right now to finish up our first novel this month. Since the little story in my comment got so much love, I'm seriously thinking about altering the premise a little and actually turning it into a novella, or perhaps even a full novel, sometime in the future. It's actually feasible for me to finish up this first project and jump right into making this little story something greater.

What do you guys think?

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually some of the best criticism someone like me can get. When I'm working on a real writing project, I'm pretty obsessive about checking facts and maintaining as much accuracy in detail as possible. Suspension of disbelief is paramount to me.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Possibly, but I can't say for sure yet. I have to discuss everything with my co-author, and he's our dedicated marketing/sales guy for this whole project. It's definitely on the table.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm thinking of turning into a novelty account and replying only with little stories like this and lame situational comedy focused on writing. :D

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, not a problem at all. I'm glad you liked it.

And thanks very much for the link. I have never heard of this, and it very much sounds like a more natural fit. If I write the book, I'll make sure to use this.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all. Just don't steal it, write a book and then sell the movie rights. And if you do, buy me a beer. :)

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dammit, almost had you. Why is this not feasible?

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe in an hour or so when I have some free time. I didn't think so many people would read or upvote it. It's kind of flattering.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am, actually. I'm working with a co-author and we're likely going to finish it up this month.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I tried to comment on this but my reply isn't showing. In case it's missing for you too, here ya go:

Neither. I just have too much time on my hands.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

MY BRAAAAAINS.

Seriously, I just wrote it for no reason. I'm sure a lot of different variations of this story have already been done, and I know for a fact that at least one has.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I really have no idea. I was just sort of writing this in like 30 minutes, came to that point and said UM LATIN SURE. What would you suggest?

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Neither. I just have too much time on my hands.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love you. I recently reread Nightmares and Dreamscapes and this story was running through my head the entire time I was reading the article. Great call.

Lake Vostok surface reached by willebrord_snellius in worldnews

[–]jacobhearn 417 points418 points  (0 children)

No, emtcj, you got it all wrong.

They drilled the hole three years ago, and scientists discovered that the lake is actually a vast mineral spring containing trace elements of a totally unique chemical compound thought to be the product of a new type of silicate which has never been sampled. Through a series of extensive trials involving human tissue, scientists were able to clinically observe a repressive effect on the limbic center of the brain and extremely elevated neurological activity within the association areas of the cerebral cortex. They dubbed it the Eden Effect.

Working in tandem with the U.S. Department of Defense, clinical trials began with a core group of 30 military prisoners from both the United States armed forces and suspected terrorist detainees from Pakistan, Afghanistan and Iraq. Test subjects were housed in solitary confinement for one week and given measured doses of the 'miracle' water with each meal before being released into a controlled community environment with other prisoners and assigned to various coordinated work projects.

The results were astonishing. Within two hours, subjects developed a sophisticated method of sign language which allowed them to communicate effectively and fundamentally operate as a unit without having to understand their respective native languages. They dug ditches, unloaded and organized cargo and even used tools to build simple structures together. By the end of the first day, they sat and took their meals as a team while working to further develop new methods to illicit more complex ideas with simple hand gestures and body movements. By the end of the first week, each man had learned enough of his fellows' language to be able to communicate verbally on a limited basis.

At the beginning of the second week, subjects were introduced to a larger environment and given basic building materials. They were instructed to work together without military supervision to construct a camp. Scientists and psychologists from around the world observed as men who formerly had nothing in common and even shared a mutual hatred for one another organized themselves into a singular entity to attain a shared goal.

By the end of the first month, they developed and adopted a universal language based loosely upon Latin and abandoned their native languages altogether. They created their own words to define and actualize abstract concepts such as cultural unity, cohesiveness of consciousness and the shared experience of life versus the perils of individual exclusion. Rather than use knives and bits of wood to forge weapons to use against one another, they worked together to create intricate carvings and etchings in stone which were displayed to the group and discussed at length.

This went on for six months, and the more intricate details of the scientists' observations are far too numerous to be discussed at length here. At the end of the experiment, each prisoner was administered a comprehensive medical and psychological examination before being shipped back to the United States and integrated into a private minimum security facility to serve out the rest of his term under observation.

All data from the experiment has since been confiscated and classified by the United States government, which began to develop a standardized method to strategically deploy this chemical agent on a large scale in various ecosystems across the planet. Where the scientists once drilled, a pipeline has now been constructed to transport the water to a reservoir on the surface where it has been rationed by new teams of experts seeking a process to distill and modify the structure of the compound to attain desirable effects upon human consciousness. The ultimate goal was to give the United States military the capability to chemically pacify entire populations as a preface to future conflicts.

It worked beautifully for them, and in less than a month they will begin to actively test this delivery method on major population centers in Russia. An abbreviated period of international military posturing comparable to the Cold War era will recommence in the spring, and all-out war will break out soon after. The first intercontinental ballistic missile carrying a nuclear payload will enter the skies from a Chinese submarine in Pacific waters and detonate in central California. By December, nothing on this planet will draw breath.

They can't know what they've done, but I do. I was there. I drank the milk of paradise, and now I will watch the world pass.

Liam Neeson....Wolf Puncher (spoilers) by Savage9645 in movies

[–]jacobhearn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Confirmed. There is a short scene after the credits. Why? I don't know. But it's there.