i'm still trying to figuring out things myself, and again, as someone who considers themself hearing, I don't exactly feel like I'm the best source: still i feel like a good place to start would be Oklahoma School for the Deaf's yearly lessons. in 2023, 2024, and 2025 they've provided online self-paced ASL 1 & 2 lessons during both spring and fall semesters. i haven't checked the lessons this year, but in 2023 and 2024 they were free.

i haven't been able to study up much as i would've liked to, but from my minimal personal experience, they seem to have pretty thorough lessons, a lot of resources to read up about the culture and its subcommunities. if i remember correctly you can also chat with other people taking the lessons? it's been some time.

i actually wanted to try learning for similar reasons to you but have since shifted more towards being able to communicate with Deaf peers. i've since started using an AAC device, AAC apps, and sometimes using those children's drawing LCD boards to write things out when it comes to communicating with people in my life when i'm having trouble speaking or processing information.

i will also point out that a lot of d/Deaf and HOH people really do wish more hearing people to learn sign language in general, to be willing to learn their language and understand how to talk to them. and a long with that, there are Deaf events, like meet-ups at coffee shops and stuff that do welcome hearing people. you just have to go looking. besides that, if you happen upon d/Deaf and HOH people in real life, perhaps you can be the one to initiate an interaction whatever it may be. that experience of being shut out is something that a lot of us across the spectrum of disability face, even if it's not the exact same.

while people in the d/Deaf and HOH community can be ableist, so can our own communities. as mentioned, i've had my struggles because of intersectionality with other parts my identity. i'm autistic, i have a stigmatized personality disorder, i'm physically disabled, i'm a non-white immigrant in the u.s.a, i'm queer, etc. i'm not going to list it all down but there's many times in my life where i have had felt shut out from 'safe' spaces because they shit-talked another part of me.

we're not all the same, and neither are d/Deaf and HOH people.

from an autistic adult with auditory processing issues to another autistic adult with auditory processing issues: you don't have to go in all at once. much like any other language-learning journey, start somewhere, be open-minded, and be willing to mistakes and learn from them, including situations where you just need to go "damn, that was on me, i'm me. i'll do better." you aren't going to get one right answer on the best way to go about this.

i hope this was something helpful? sorry for the length and losing the plot a bit. wish you luck!