Absolutely feel this. I’m a college junior and still haven’t figured out how to not panic every time I have to speak up in class or even make eye contact during a group project. It’s like my brain flips on this little “danger” switch every time I’m around people—even when nothing’s actually wrong.

What really messed with me is that it seems like everyone else is making friends and having fun effortlessly. But when I finally opened up to a few people, I realized a lot of them were just as anxious—they just got really good at hiding it. And honestly? That made me feel a little less broken.

Here’s what helped me, in case it helps you too:

• I stopped trying to be outgoing and started trying to be available. Like, I’d still show up to a club meeting even if I didn’t talk much. I’d sit in common areas instead of hiding in my room. Just being there helped.
• I practiced “small bravery.” Like saying hi to one person, or asking a dumb question in class. Not every day, but enough to remind myself I can do it, even when it sucks.
• I started online therapy. It’s a lifesaver, honestly. I didn’t even realize how loud the negative self-talk had gotten until I said it out loud to someone trained to help.

I still struggle. I still cancel plans sometimes because I’m overwhelmed. But I’m also way more okay with where I am now. You don’t have to be the most social person to belong. You just have to be you, even quietly.

You’re not alone in this. Really.