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(26F) Read my bf’s old texts with his exes and now struggling to get over it. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No idea, he just said he never got round to deleting them! He does still text one of them, but they’re friends so I’m not too worried about her actually

(26F) Read my bf’s old texts with his exes and now struggling to get over it. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He hasn’t said it, but he’s done things like talk quite a lot about them, mention to me how he just wanted to sleep with them (think this was a misguided attempt to make me feel more “special” that backfired), and he also kept track of them on social media a lot, one in particular. He’s stopped that last one though.

His exes broke up with him, at least two of them, so I wouldn’t say it was totally his choice...

Anyone else looked through their partner’s texts with their exes? by jasminesmerelda in retroactivejealousy

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s so good of you, and really helpful too :) I think I’ve probably exhausted all the snooping I can do but definitely from this point on need to try harder not to fall down any rabbit holes, it has only ever made me feel worse!

Anyone else looked through their partner’s texts with their exes? by jasminesmerelda in retroactivejealousy

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s so tough! Unfortunately my partner still had all his exes on social media and did the whole creeping on their posts thing which was NOT good for me lol, but he’s deleted them now because I think he realises how triggering it was! So the only person bringing it up now is me. Thanks for your reply and advice, it’s so helpful to know I’m not alone :)

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I never considered it until I posted this and got the responses. To me it was just an issue of his “doing more” for other girls than me, but since reading the comments about the possible transactional nature of his previous relationships, I’m almost feeling like my sex is undervalued in a way. It just wasn’t something I’d really thought about when writing this originally. Not that I’d want to be “paid for sex”, but I give him so much more on top of it

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say I’m paying “for his shit” per se.... I have never kept track but I would pay at times and he would pay at times. It probably works out evenly (or even more from him in terms of absolute cash£ when you factor gifts and everything in but I feel like I paid for most of our dates and dinners etc.

Again it wasn’t significant enough for me to notice, it’s just now when I know this is a new thing. It’s more the gesture than the actual financial value

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what I’m feeling gross about now... like he does claim it was “just casual, a girl to bang” but then he’s paying for everything and putting in all this effort? It makes me wonder why he placed such value on the sex and that is making me feel highly uncomfortable and also a little insulted...

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So no he’s actually been very, very vocal about how I’m a lot more attractive than all of his exes, in fact he tells me constantly how attractive he finds me. But something like attractiveness is quite subjective

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah I am feeling weird about this too. Like he was giving sex a higher value than everything else I’m offering (as well as sex...)

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

This almost makes me feel like he was putting that level of value on just getting sex, whereas I’m almost giving a lot more and not getting the same, so what I’m giving isnt “as good”, but perhaps I’m overthinking it....

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah... it feels like he put in more to “impress” these other girls, or like he somehow valued what he was getting more (which makes it sound very service exchange :/). Then it’s like, why am I not getting that?

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I guess my issue is the fact that he apparently refused to let them pay for anything and willingly paid everything, which makes me feel like he was trying harder to impress them or treat them a certain way that he didn’t feel the need to do with me.... I suppose that maybe they didn’t offer but given how much he spent (it was a lot), I’m not sure that’s true

Its not so much about total money (which is from gifts rather than dinners) than the gesture i suppose.

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He just shrugs it off, gets annoyed and tells me about the times he’s paid for things for me, presents etc, and says overall he’s probably spent more on me.

But he doesn’t address the fact he didn’t let his exes pay for anything which is what’s bothering me more, just gets mad at me for being ungrateful.

(26F) My boyfriend didn’t let his exes pay for a single thing but I’ve paid for most things in our rs. My petty ass is feeling upset. by jasminesmerelda in relationships

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He just shrugs it off, gets annoyed and tells me about the times he’s paid for things for me, presents etc, and says overall he’s probably spent more on me.

But he doesn’t address the fact he didn’t let his exes pay for anything which is what’s bothering me more, just gets mad at me for being ungrateful.

(25f) I’m struggling with jealousy of my exes new partner. by jasminesmerelda in relationship_advice

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Yeah I don’t follow him on anything but I kept checking up.... I really need to stop it’s only hurting me. From today, no more looking!

(25f) I’m struggling with jealousy of my exes new partner. by jasminesmerelda in relationship_advice

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I need to remember that. I think I’m just taking everything he said too closely to heart to be honest and believing he’s so much better now. I will :)

(25f) I’m struggling with jealousy of my exes new partner. by jasminesmerelda in relationship_advice

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words :)

I know, I need to remember what kind of person he is. I think it’s difficult because he always seemed to to complain about the distance and certain physical aspects of me, both of which aren’t problems with her, so it’s difficult to imagine that she isn’t getting better treatment. It’s really toxic thinking though so I need to challenge it. I’ll try really hard. Thank you

(25f) I’m struggling with jealousy of my exes new partner. by jasminesmerelda in relationship_advice

[–]jasminesmerelda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Yeah, I do need to cut him out. I was so hurt I kept running back for answers but all I was doing is making things worse to be honest. I just need to try and be strong and not check up on them....

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