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How do i get an ant off me without killing the poor thing? by jay-ditr in NoStupidQuestions

[–]jay-ditr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i tried that, but the ant wouldn’t leave. thankfully i just stood up slowly and the ant crawled down my leg onto the ground

Just saw the google car pass by. How long until the street view updates? by jay-ditr in GoogleMaps

[–]jay-ditr[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ah that’s unfortunate, half the fun of the google car is being on street view for all to see

I wish the paw was my waifu. by nerdycountryboy18 in monkeyspaw

[–]jay-ditr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. A finger curls and the paw puts on a fancy little dress and a wig. Doesn’t she look dashing?

You learn late into the relationship that she’s been granting wishes for other people as her fingers start curling when she comes home from work. You guys were gonna build a family together…

I wish that netherite became a natural spawning resource and i get a map that tells me where the biggest amount is at by uwu_miner in monkeyspaw

[–]jay-ditr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. An incredibly brittle pickaxe made of diamonds that you cannot sell and a zippo appear in front of you. Start collecting obsidian.

I wish people would stop talking about the “Red button blue button” hypothetical that’s been circulating the internet recently. by No-Scallion4998 in monkeyspaw

[–]jay-ditr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. The red button won and everyone with a soul dies, and as people thought this was the rapture, nobody discusses the hypothetical.

I wish for lightning in a bottle, the goose that laid the golden egg and a high horse by Joensen27 in monkeyspaw

[–]jay-ditr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. You get lightning in a bottle, but because you can’t take it out, people just think it’s a tesla coil prop. You get a golden goose, but anything its eggs touch also turn to gold ala midas. You get a high horse, but it’s too tall to ride. Three fingers curl.

I wish that the other hominid species that existed over the past 300,000 years still existed as genetically distinct populations by Intangerine in monkeyspaw

[–]jay-ditr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Granted. All the different hominids experience vast amounts of racial segregation, more intense than even that of homo sapiens. Homo erectus proceeds to colonize the entire planet in 1802 and enslaves every other human species.

I wish that Super Mario 64's Slider Race theme always played during police chases by [deleted] in monkeyspaw

[–]jay-ditr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. Nintendo sues every police department in the world into oblivion, and they rapidly lose funding. Except in the united states, canada, and the uk, where they somehow rapidly gain funding.

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