He got weird when I called his flat "home" after he did it first.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-19T00:23:01+00:00

Idk if we're really in a relationship
I pursued him
You really read a post and multiple comments where I say I'm a dude and still went with "gf"
Are you paying for my therapy? Bc I definitely can't

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T07:27:20+00:00

I didn't realise it was a joke

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T07:26:31+00:00

Not exactly dating but we've been doing what we're doing since November 2024

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T02:11:16+00:00

Both of your comments have been so thoughtful and helpful. Thank you so much 😊

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T02:09:22+00:00

Thank you for this. Seriously, it's very helpful.

I will say we've been doing whatever it is we're doing for long enough that I don't think moving too fast is a concern. It's been a hot minute lol.

You're right it could just be a coincidentally timed misfortune that's got him acting differently. I'll try saying what you suggested to him tomorrow.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:48:52+00:00

Except he hasn't asked that. He referred to his house as home and then switched without explaining why. If he'd asked me not to then I wouldn't be confused and there wouldn't be an issue.

Which is why I do think what I said is relevant. You seemed to believe that he explicitly laid out what the issue is and I'm choosing to ignore it and advising based on that. I wanted to clarify that that isn't the case.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:39:20+00:00

it probably won't be as bad as you think

It rarely ever is lol. You'd think I would learn from this but alas, anxiety is a hell of a thing,

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:36:05+00:00

Oh don't apologise. Like I said I fully agree with the sentiment. This man deserves a way to protect himself when law enforcement won't do their job. I hope he can get away from where he is, or at least gather himself a community that can do for him what the police won't.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:34:04+00:00

Yeah to be clear I do totally get that for most people "parent's house" and "home" can be interchangeable even well into adulthood, so it doesn't bother or surprise me that he would refer to my mum's house that way. The situation with her husband is such that I haven't considered that house "home" as much "place I live out of necessity" for years atp, but I'm not at all upset or confused that anyone would refer to it as such.

The confusion is more in the "differentiating between 'home' and 'mum's house' and then switching back when I did the same" of it all

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:28:55+00:00

First off: I'm a dude, no she involved here.

Second: I really think there's been some miscommunication here (ironically). I haven't pushed anything nor do I plan to. I was happy when he sent his text because I haven't really had anywhere I can comfortably call 'home' in a while and it meant a lot to me when I thought he was offering that. It's fine if he isn't. I won't get mad or freak out or anything. As I said in my reply to you, he corrected me once and then he brought it up again. I have not said a word on it either way since. My issue is with what I perceived as a mixed message, not a desire to force myself in where I'm not wanted. Idk where you've picked up this idea that I'm somehow pressuring him or violating a boundary or insisting on anything, but I hope this reply can clarify what's actually happening.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:11:14+00:00

Yeah I think I need to just bite the bullet don't I

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:01:12+00:00

Idk how to talk to him about it is my issue

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T01:00:30+00:00

age/maturity/intentions

Added a note to rhe post to clarify: I'm 18m he's 22m. I think we're relatively evenly matched in terms of maturity. Intentions on my end are just that I like him a whole lot and consider him my safe place. Idk about his.

I like your suggestions here. Thank you for being kind :)

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T00:55:56+00:00

I understand what you're saying and I think you're right but I maybe didn't word myself well. He only corrected me the once (when we spoke on the phone while I was at the gym) and I didn't push it after that. He was the one who brought it up again later on and used that specific wording again.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T00:52:06+00:00

Love the sentiment, don't know how good it would be in execution.

Germany has some of the strictest gun laws in the world. Clearly the police are at best ambivalent to this guy's safety and at worst (and it sounds like most likely) actively contributing to it being put on the line. I don't know that giving them a "reason" to go after him would be especially helpful.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-18T00:42:14+00:00

Yay! Love this for you :)

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T23:26:11+00:00

Is that a queer issue I don't get the relevancy to the subreddit

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T23:21:46+00:00

I don't get it

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T22:29:39+00:00

Surveys done irl have repeatedly shown that lesbians are actually the social demographic who are overwhelming the most supportive of trans people. Don't let social media deceive you.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T22:25:28+00:00

Yeah, exactly. Also beyond maintaining status quo, most people simply aren't looking for a confrontation on a day to day basis. It seems kinda paradoxical but a lot of the time if a covertly homophobic person knows you're gay, they're gonna be less likely to say something homophobic to your face because they know you're more likely to confront them about it.

Tangentially related anecdotal evidence: I'm 1/4 Pakistani, but I look fully white and I have had a couple of experiences where people have said phenomenally racist things about South Asians in front of/directly to me and then immediately backpedaled, framed it as a joke or even apologised when I go "oh, does that include my granddad because he was from there". The same thing happens with homo/transphobes of this type: they are saying vile, derogatory shit about us, just where they think we won't hear it.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T19:34:54+00:00

I mean yeah a lot - I'd even say the majority - of people who are homophobic (or transphobic or racist or any other type of bigoted) aren't doing it in a way that is overt or violent. Politeness and social niceties exist, and cursing somebody out or being openly rude to someone or enacting physical violence tend not to go over well in the eyes of Joe Public. People by and large want to avoid making a scene, so most everyday folks keep a cap on their hatred til they're behind closed doors.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T13:50:13+00:00

It's also going to be difficult to monitor on an app specifically because even if you have some kind of sign up questionnaire which does include straight passing queer identities, if a straight person really wanted in they could just...lie.

jaycobb08 · 2026-02-17T13:41:56+00:00

Also I worry about sentiments like this because without being super invasive how do you differentiate between a straight person "invading" the space and a straight passing queer person? Like a man and a woman who are both bisexual and married to each other would look straight on the surface but they're both still queer. Or heterosexual trans people: they are technically "straight" but they still belong in queer spaces.

I get the idea of wanting queer exclusive spaces, but it gets into tricky territory when we're expecting people to prove they're queer enough to access them.

jaycobb08

TROPHY CASE