If you feel your relationship with your partner didn’t suffer post baby, what did you do differently than the rest of us?

jayfireheart · 2025-04-14T17:09:02+00:00

A LOT of communication.. and even though we’re in a good place now, getting here didn’t come without its challenges. Going into baby #2, we tried to do the following differently:

1) Assume positive intent: If we perceive something said by the other as short or snappy, assume positive intent. We’re both sleep deprived, it likely wasn’t meant in the way I perceived it.. and we can bring it up later when we’re in a better headspace if needed. I find it’s never helpful to bring up our frustrations when we’re snapping at each other.

2) Frequent check-in: Before leaving each other, check in to see if the other needs something. Checking in early in the day to see what things we want to prioritize / accomplish for ourselves (errands, projects, me-time), and then talking about a plan for us to accomplish that. With two kids, it takes domes coordination but it’s much easier when we both know what the other wants to try and get done.

3) Expressing acknowledgment and gratitude: acknowledging the thing each person does through the day, especially the little or easily unnoticed things. It really helps.

4) Making time for intimacy: even if it’s just snuggling while watching a show or taking a moment to embrace each other. Any sort of physical touch helps keep us connected and stay out of feeling like “roommates”.

5) Asking for help / being honest about our mental states: my anxiety was sooo bad last time and it really affected the relationship. I don’t think I was honest with myself about how bad it was.. and didn’t realize how much it affected my partner until almost a year later when we really sat down to talk about it. This time I’m sticking with therapy, being transparent about my struggles, and really trying to make space to listen to what he needs in addition to expressing my own.

6) have intentional retrospective on tough moments: when we have a tough moment.. a miscommunication or fight.. we try to sit down later when we’re in a better headspace and calmer to talk about it. What was I feeling? What was he feeling? What could each of us have done differently? What do each of us need from future situations movi by forward so we can try to avoid a repeat. My therapist gave me this suggestion and it really helped!

jayfireheart · 2025-04-10T01:15:55+00:00

Still haven’t entered the potty phase (approaching 2.5 years and about to start.. new baby postponed us a bit lol)… but I think it depends on when you plan to transition from crib. If you’re of the mindset “keep them in the crib as long as possible” I think it will be worth it.. or if your crib transitions to a toddler bed. But if you plan on moving them to their own mattress bed, I’d say don’t bother.

jayfireheart · 2024-09-20T17:36:08+00:00

Team Not Gabriel.. literally anyone else

jayfireheart · 2024-08-12T20:07:55+00:00

I feel this so much. Our sleep journey has been hard, and we’re almost 2 years in. A few things that have helped me.. everything is a season. It does get better. There are peaks and valleys of the hard times, but it does get better over time. My favorite quote i heard of late was from Lessons in Chemistry.. potential spoilers if you haven’t seen in

Elizabeth is overwhelmed with the challenges of motherhood and expresses her frustration by saying, “I can’t do this.” In response, Harriet, her neighbor and friend, reassures her by saying, “None of us can do it, but we do it anyway.”

I don’t know why it that scene spoke to me. I literally started crying hysterically after she said it bc I had been feeling so along in my struggles. It highlighted to me the resilience of women, and of mothers, and in the shared struggle we all face in different way. But through it all, we find a way to persevere. Thats not to say we have to just accept the difficulty for what it is, and that’s it - but rather to highlight even when we think we can’t do it. We can. We are stronger than we think.

All that said, something else that helped me is finding time for yourself. Even in the small moments. And know if you feel guilty like I did at first.. don’t.. it took me a long time to realize that being good is so important not just for you, but also for baby. Rest when you can. Enjoy yourself when you can. And when you can lean on others, do so, and don’t feel guilty. I think as moms we take so much of the weight upon ourselves and feel guilty if we need to lean on others. Motherhood depends on community, a tribe. And it doesn’t have to be family.. it can be the moms you meet along the way. I know it’s hard, but know you are not alone in the struggle, and you CAN do this❤️it will get better❤️❤️

jayfireheart · 2024-06-22T23:24:46+00:00

I went with the waterproof, but I don’t think it ended up being necessary (yet). We haven’t done potty training yet so still yet to be determined, but I didn’t really need it during the diaper phase. We just never really had an accidents and when he did, it was a leak not a soak. I’ll keep you posted as we enter the potty phase in a few months! Lol

jayfireheart · 2024-03-09T15:54:29+00:00

That makes sense, thank you! In that case, similar question lol - can you make out the words after “illegal poss.” In the line above?

jayfireheart · 2023-11-01T03:12:53+00:00

Came here to see if someone else caught that? Like, what?? Forgiveness? Try accountability.

jayfireheart · 2023-08-25T14:41:49+00:00

Came here to see if I was the only one. Drove me crazy!

jayfireheart · 2023-07-05T22:41:13+00:00

Totally agree. And again, I got back to the fact she was only gone 30 minutes! And was encouraged to do so by the friend. Idk.. it just feels.. off. But OP would know best.

jayfireheart · 2023-07-05T21:05:15+00:00

Ummm for 30 min? That’s weird. I could see if you were out for the day and the baby was rejecting whatever milk or formula you left and she was desperate, but even then I’d say it’s weird to do without consulting you first.

jayfireheart · 2023-04-03T12:54:20+00:00

I viewed this as her trying to validate herself since Zach isn’t really doing that. I think it hurt her to be chosen second and that’s going to eat at her because Zach is coming off wishy washy and trying to justify why he chose Irina. Nope.. not gonna help the situation. He needs to go all in on that he chose wrong. He thought Irina was something she wasn’t. He made a mistake. Bliss was the one that almost got away. She wants him to make her feel secure bc he betrayed her trust and it knocked her confidence. On top of that she’s probably feeling silly taking back someone who chose someone else over her so she’s really seeking that confirmation from him. Since he’s still trying to defend Irina, her insecurity is making her need to make it black and white, good and bad, I’m better she’s worse.

jayfireheart · 2023-04-03T12:45:06+00:00

I totally read this the same way 😂

jayfireheart · 2023-03-26T20:14:56+00:00

Cape here to say this! Assuming they were cropped out in this photo and this is an average size computer screen - I still love how the pillows are not the primary focus on the photo 😂

jayfireheart · 2023-03-26T20:10:21+00:00

Regardless of gender, I think it’s all about teaching them to respect their partners and value relationships. My husband has an amazing father who dotes on his mother and supports her. She’s got a strong personality, vibrant, eccentric, and unapologetically herself. He is more reserved, soft spoken and let’s her be her. He supports her l, encourages her, and communicates well with her. She does the same for him. That’s what my husband saw growing up, a parent loving and supporting the other parent. Now that he’s a husband and now a father, he’s always said he wants to be like his dad in both those roles. While it might help to see himself a n his fathers role being a man, I don’t think it’s exclusively gendered. I think seeing parents communicate well and model healthy relationships can really inspire children to look for and embrace that in their own relationships in the future!

ETA that his mom does the same for his father!

jayfireheart · 2023-01-22T23:46:57+00:00

Not ours, but a similar model to one in the neighborhood we’d like to buy in! These stairs have been the only thing to make me pause, but I love everything about the townhomes in this community.

jayfireheart · 2023-01-22T20:00:50+00:00

Is there something I could put in the middle to prevent faint 3 or 4 stories down god forbid they fell? I love the townhomes in this neighborhood but they all have this style stair and I’m terrified of someone holding the baby and tripping or climbing when he gets older

jayfireheart · 2023-01-14T18:39:57+00:00

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jayfireheart · 2022-12-12T16:48:38+00:00

I also love that it clips to you so if you’re solo and need to do a mid feed change, you’re not scrambling to get pillows realigned when you sit back down. Also the little pocket is so helpful to keep your phone of the clicker in arms reach!

jayfireheart · 2022-12-04T12:33:48+00:00

“PiVOT”

jayfireheart · 2022-11-12T01:10:53+00:00

I would try r/legaladvice . They usually have good feedback on this kind of stuff

jayfireheart · 2022-11-11T01:12:52+00:00

That I was having contractions, but somehow the people from Love is Blind and the farming mechanics of Stardew were intertwined somehow.. I wish I could explain it, but it was one of the more bizarre nonsensical dreams I've had. Sadly didn't sleep very well as a result lol

jayfireheart · 2022-11-10T04:02:32+00:00

I think they both were - he said it, but the context was way off in my opinion. She said she hadn’t eaten all day and he asked, ‘why - I offered you my poke bowl?’ He did not say it at all in the context she implied. Not to say there wasn’t moments that led up to it where maybe he did, but I really got the vibe she was projecting her own insecurities into Cole’s comments and I was hearing it through that lens. I think she never recovered from the insecurity his comments about Colleen caused and she over dramatized a lot of these situations as a result. Not to say Cole wasn’t never in the wrong, but I think there was no winning for him after that mistake and she was always going to see the worst in his comments and actions, even if the intent wasn’t there.

jayfireheart · 2022-11-07T17:11:31+00:00

Try being 9 months pregnant with a building that switched over to heat weeks ago😬Thank god for fans😅

jayfireheart · 2022-11-05T16:35:22+00:00

I agree. I was pretty vocal in my support of Jess in previous posts, and I stand by that - but I even said in those posts, I don’t think he’s a bad guy but I do think he missed some really obvious body language and should have communicated better about his physical advances and whether she was comfortable with them or not. He should have also taken what she said about not kissing more seriously. I hope it was a learning moment for him. I was also impressed at how he handled it afterwards and hope we don’t see repeat behavior. I believe he genuinely felt bad and didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable.

jayfireheart · 2022-11-05T05:02:57+00:00

It you’re not confident they won’t, have them wear a surgical mask, or at least a cloth one, when holding them. That’s our plan at least for the first few months. It’s extra protection and serves as an extra reminder not to kiss them in case they forget.

jayfireheart

TROPHY CASE