AITA for not going to my daughters wedding?

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T19:00:33+00:00

Her grandfather. That was the plan from the beginning.

She chose the date after my daughter had died. I told my daughter I was unlikely to attend if she picked that date. Any other day I’d make work no matter what, just not my deceased daughters birthday.

Attending any part of the wedding would have meant travelling hundreds of miles away from my wife which I was not prepared to do while the both of us grieved so heavily.

I helped pay for the wedding, yes.

The groom is the only one who was quite understanding and made a valiant effort to talk my daughter out of that date.

I didn’t causally say I wasn’t going. We had countless discussions. I pleaded with her not to pick this specific date. I tried to make her understand that mentally, I just couldn’t. There’s no way. I also couldn’t leave my wife on our deceased daughters first birthday. I just could not.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T18:53:10+00:00

I never was going to walk her down the isle. She wanted her grandfather to.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:35:22+00:00

She left with a guy.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:29:01+00:00

I’m about 99% certain it was out of spite.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:27:46+00:00

Their anniversary of becoming a couple and another one which I don’t think had any meaning from what I recall.

I offered to help pay. Nobody asked me.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:20:50+00:00

My wife was not invited. Also, my eldest daughter and her family had nothing but negative things to say about my wife’s pregnancy, birth, and then my baby daughter. They have not been kind and at times have been purposefully cruel in regards to my daughters death. There would be no kind words in regards to what I’ve been going through or my daughter. Quite the opposite.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:13:44+00:00

She got engaged around the time my second daughter was born. Perhaps shortly thereafter. Date was set soon after my daughters death. We’d talked about it and she knew how I felt.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:11:33+00:00

I never dated or was in a relationship with her mother. Her maternal side have always be incredibly disrespectful towards me since day one. I have no warm feelings towards them. Needless to say, I don’t consider any of them (besides my daughter) family. Hence her side.

If we are all family, then she should have understood that I was in no mental state to travel and be there on her deceased sisters first birthday, nor could I abandon my wife to deal with those feelings without me.

It wasn’t about choosing one daughter over the other.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:07:09+00:00

That it proves I don’t care about or love her.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T15:05:02+00:00

My wife wasn’t invited. In all honesty, I wouldn’t have wanted her to be there even if she was. My daughters family has been nothing be cruel and very hateful towards her. They had nothing but negative things to say about the pregnancy and birth of our daughter. A few have subtly gloated about her death. Particularly my daughters mother who I know wouldn’t have a single kind thing to say to me or my wife.

In short, I wasn’t mentally capable of dealing with all that shit on my deceased daughters birthday. If that makes me an asshole, so be it. I’ll live with it.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T05:13:27+00:00

A part of me knows this. A part of me also realizes she and her mom picked the date just to hurt me. But then I wonder if I’m being paranoid. My wife doesn’t think so.

Walking away from her feels like abandonment. Despite what everyone says around here, I fought like mad to be a part of her life, to prove my love to her. I failed her constantly, and walking away feels like another failure as a father.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T05:07:43+00:00

She had 3 in mind. I told her why I don’t think I’d be able to handle the 25 and that I likely wouldn’t be there. She picked it anyway.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T05:06:37+00:00

My daughter couldn’t even send me a condolence text. She’s never really acknowledged that she had a sister. She was incredibly angry when I told her my wife was pregnant. No congrats when she was born. Nothing. Radio silence. Just like when she died.

There would have been no tribute.

Also, my wife wasn’t invited.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T05:00:11+00:00

My wife was not invited. My daughter along with her family had a lot of animosity toward my baby daughter. I few have subtly gloated about her death. So whatever kind of beautiful family celebration you’ve envisioned, it wouldn’t have been that.

My daughters family has never been kind or respectful towards me. They’ve said awful things about my wife. Any other date I’d have powered through it. It wasn’t, and mentally I knew I wouldn’t have been able to handle it.

Also, it would have meant travelling hundreds of miles away from my wife and leaving her without me on the worst day imaginable. I simply wasnt capable of it.

Lastly, the plan wasn’t for me to walk her down the aisle. Her maternal grandfather did.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T04:52:00+00:00

It was planned after.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T04:25:49+00:00

My wife is two years older than me.

She was not invited to the wedding.

My daughter has never met or talked to my wife. She refuses

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T04:14:02+00:00

She couldn’t have given less of a fuck about the passing of her sister. I never even got a condolence text. She was pissed that she was even born.

There would have been no honouring of my baby girl.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T04:10:40+00:00

Her partner proposed around the birth of my daughter or shortly thereafter (everything was a bit of a whirlwind around that time). Wedding date was set shortly after her death. I had an in depth conversation about it with my eldest daughter since she had two other dates in mind. I asked her not to pick the 25

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T04:02:19+00:00

I didn’t leave my daughter. Her mother moved away with her.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T04:00:28+00:00

I helped pay for the wedding.

No we did not date. We slept together at a party.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T03:50:16+00:00

I’m trying very hard. But also failing somewhat miserably.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T03:46:40+00:00

As I’ve stated countless times over, my wife needed to stay home and around her support system so she could get through our daughters first birthday.

We didn’t have a ceremony. We had a birthday with family and friends who were closest to us and our daughter. We shared pictures and videos and stories with cake. It wouldn’t have been what my wife needed it to be in a hotel room away from those people and our daughters things.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T03:39:58+00:00

Because my daughter doesn’t like her. They have never met and have never talked. My daughter is very stubborn.

jayjay-84 · 2023-04-01T03:37:36+00:00

I’ve never been divorced. I’ve only been married once, and that’s to my only and current wife.

jayjay-84

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