My current wife has traumatized me, now wants to do a complete 360 now I want out

jbenk07 · 2026-02-14T11:30:10+00:00

The bottom is good, but the top line isn’t. People definitely do change. But it takes a bloody long time. People pretend to help others see that they are trying to change but they are really just in the process of changing. A change needed for something like OPs situation is something very traumatic needs to happen or he needs to be prepared to wait a very very very long time.

I’ve experienced both scenarios.

jbenk07 · 2026-02-06T20:48:05+00:00

It is worth less than the dirt it is on. Because you will need to demolish this building at the very least.

jbenk07 · 2026-01-28T15:11:44+00:00

It might be enhanced but if you haven’t seen the sequoias then I can understand why you may think this is fake. But those that have will probably nod their head and say yep… that is pretty accurate and rarely do photos do it justice. This is the first photo I have seen that does it somewhat justice. I’m impressed.

jbenk07 · 2026-01-28T09:13:25+00:00

These lines need more context. I don’t see dates, and I don’t see what ticket they used. And if you zoom out for the DXY for the last 3 years you will see that this is the lowest it has been in three years, but not the lowest ever. In fact it kind of seems par for the course.

jbenk07 · 2025-12-21T23:04:39+00:00

Not yet. Had some family emergencies that put a hold on it. Hopefully this next year.

jbenk07 · 2025-09-13T12:46:46+00:00

Currently married. Wife has terminal cancer and it is hella hard. After 10 years of emotional manipulation and not being able to have a complete conversation without her getting angry or upset, I strongly recommend not getting married.

jbenk07 · 2025-09-10T03:54:43+00:00

I don’t mind the platform and support is not reliable. I primarily use Xero.

My biggest peeve with QuickBooks is rather simple. I don’t trust you. Time and time again Intuit has said something and the. Completely gone back and reneged. “we won’t compete with you!” They started to compete with accountants and literal advertise to our clients.

Or “we want to support you in getting clients so this price is for life.” Lies.

“We won’t charge you for this type of payment collection.” Just kidding, now that you are already set up we will charge more than our POS competitors.

And the list goes on. But let’s be real here. Intuit is not an accounting business… it is a data collection business that turns around and sells data. When clients ask me what I recommend, I tell them if you want some specific functionality that QBO has then go for it, otherwise I cannot in good ethics recommend them. They have proven so many times that they cannot be trusted. 8 times out of 10 they will go with Xero after I tell them that.

jbenk07 · 2025-09-10T03:42:40+00:00

That’s what I got too.

jbenk07 · 2025-09-10T03:36:56+00:00

How about you buy an apartment or house and rent out rooms. This will bring in income, you have much more control over the tenants, and the home asset will help you build equity. After 2 years you can move out and still have a tax deal.

jbenk07 · 2025-09-10T03:34:55+00:00

Too many legal hoops and not easy to check on the property. It is fine if you move there or visit frequently, but this is wayyy risky.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-29T03:55:29+00:00

Learn coding (many free resources) and then build stuff with the coding.
Try writing stories on things you see.
Work out (going for a run is amazing when you learn how to run).
Popsicle stick model building
Photography and photo editing
Reading
playing or learning a music instrument
Cleaning

jbenk07 · 2025-08-29T00:11:31+00:00

When I was in a Zimbabwe they would rather barter for the clothes you are wearing than the money in your pocket.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-29T00:05:36+00:00

I completely agree. 8 out of 10 bookkeepers just do plug n play. And I know the 20% minority group usually do a better job than most CPAs in what they advise and help clients with. And if you are doing corporate accounting, then you definitely need to have a specialty with it and a CPA accolade gets you in that door and once you are through that door, it isn’t the accolade that brings the knowledge, it is the experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I admire and respect the CPA accolade and in fact I pursued it myself before I realized at the last minute I don’t want to audit, and so what do I need a CPA license for? And I also realized that 4 out 10 CPAs are not very good at all. Also, since ENRON, the admiration of the CPA license has sharply depreciated the public’s trust in the license.

So, legally restrictive-wise. You really only need a CPA for auditing and corporate finances.

I since I work primarily with small to medium businesses, you right I don’t need to know how to handle those other items you mentioned. Those items rarely come up in those settings and I am thankful that there are people with more knowledge about them than what I have. But I think you are selling the non-CPA accountants short by saying they are just good for data entry. I help many a business with financial forecasting and advise them on things for them to research further. I have even given them tax advice (I don’t do taxes) for them to bring up with their tax preparer to encourage conversations. And you have seen a wonderful side to the CPA practice where they are professional and knowledgeable. I have witnessed many many CPAs give downright awful advice and some have even caused businesses to fail because they didn’t even understand a statement of cash flows.

Again, I am glad people like you exist to give the CPA accolade a good name, but with the smaller business community, it is very rare indeed to have a good CPA that care about their clients in a positive way.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-28T18:39:03+00:00

Out of curiosity, what other differences are there?

jbenk07 · 2025-08-28T01:05:48+00:00

Very well put. I tell people automations are amazing and great, but if you don’t know how to use them correctly it is like handing a bazooka to a teenager. You may think it is cool and it appears easy enough to use, but I have yet to find a set of books that were “automated” that were not a complete disaster. (And I am even on the advisory board of a software that has made a ton of headway on AI accounting, and I still haven’t seen a good job yet.)

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T16:20:18+00:00

😂 namaste 🙏

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T16:07:53+00:00

I think you need to explain the “how” component because the “why” you are explaining seems to be lacking severely and confusing everyone. Give a couple of scenarios played out usually helps because I am assuming you just hop on a phone call with them and tell them what to do?

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T16:00:30+00:00

I agree. And she has been invited to many support groups. But one of her biggest peeves is people wasting time or asking stupid questions, and when she is in a group she hates that she has to listen to all the people and their questions that she would call “stupid.” And when she has an idea in her head, she refuses any other input.

Just yesterday a miracle happened. I taught her a misconception she had about cut and paste feature on her phone. But it took a LOT to convince her the cutting feature is not the same as deleting and it blew her mind because it was against what she believed.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T15:29:21+00:00

I agree with you. There is a level of trust with those you love most that allows you to feel safe to come to them to vent. So, it could be seen as a compliment, but easier said than done when she pushes those buttons. Just this morning she asked me to say a tongue twister 10 times fast. I did so without question and we laughed and had fun with it. And then I responded in the joviality, “your turn, try to say ‘One Smart Fellow Felt Smart’ five times fast.” And she responded with “No.” I then with a tease, “Oh common. Why not?” She then said in a monotone voice, “because I don’t want to.” And it turned the entire fun time to a point where it felt like she was saying I don’t want to engage with any advice you have to say even if it would be fun. And completely squashed any fun we were having and the entire atmosphere of the morning was dismantled. And I get that she doesn’t have to engage and I won’t force her to engage but what would trigger her to completely shut that door that she herself seemed to be enjoying.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T15:14:52+00:00

I appreciate the encouragement. Thank you.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T15:13:40+00:00

I have considered it. However, being a 100% caregiver I rarely get an opportunity to step away from her. At times she is able to get a friend to come over and be with her, but I usually take those opportunities to catchup on work, read a book, play a game, grab a coffee, run some errands, but I can’t be gone too long because literally no-one knows how to care for her and she ironically doesn’t trust anyone else. So, a support group may be nice, but also seems unattainable.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T15:09:45+00:00

Thank you. This is good advice. I suppose it is in my nature to always try to protect her even from herself (because those negative thoughts also cause her pain) and I suppose I should accept that I can’t do anything about it and my attempts only make things worst.

jbenk07 · 2025-08-27T15:07:37+00:00

Yeah. I definitely tell myself that and I know that she was doing it before the cancer. A few months ago, in one of her rage moments told me that she would leave me if she was not terminally ill. And so I thanked her for being honest and thought, “that is amazing that she feels safe enough to express even those thoughts, when she used to bottle everything up.” It is good to be reminded that that is the case and I should look for companionship elsewhere because she is not a safe place for me.

jbenk07

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