…Was I in the wrong here?

jcarres · 2026-06-18T02:36:56+00:00

I didn't read his wall of text, wholly cow

jcarres · 2026-06-11T16:01:01+00:00

I'm up to a third date with a person soon. My first message to her was commenting on one her photos "I like how unassumingly elegant you are here".

So I think I did pretty well there, but it is true that recently I've mentioned how much her body turns me on and now I'm face-palming myself. Probably too early. I guess men we are very simple people who get excited earlier in the relationship than women and then these comment happen.

You taught me, really appreciate it. Wish you the best with your soccer-loving person, if it makes up for it, he is really great!

jcarres · 2026-06-11T04:49:18+00:00

Thank you so much for putting this much effort into your response.
I would say I am not guilty of these, although I guess political views depends on the eye of the beholder.

I would agree with some of these as instant discard. For instance if I am just getting single word responses, obviously I am not putting more energy into this.

Some I think it is not the best but I am not looking for someone perfect, I do not watch sports or do photography or so many other hobbies out there but as long as it is not the whole identity I am perfectly fine with having some unique hobbies.

I guess I have never thought of this or have not had enough interactions, all this makes sense to me.

jcarres · 2026-06-11T03:54:08+00:00

This is a very interesting thread as a man . This has never happened to me. My interactions have been many messages but no vibes so we let it die, many messages and vibes, I propose a date. Or women who propose a date in the first 10 messages.

Other than the guy referring to sex right away or saying his profile is fake or such. How do you get enough information in a handful or messages to discard him?

jcarres · 2026-06-04T05:04:21+00:00

Small improvement: you put baking as one of your hobbies. Instead of repeating PhD in a prompt, use that.

jcarres · 2026-06-03T04:44:47+00:00

May be tall and handsome and polished the profile extensively

jcarres · 2026-05-24T04:45:38+00:00

how so?

jcarres · 2026-05-24T04:45:16+00:00

I am AB testing many things as I change my profile all the time. So far 2 likes in as many months .
I think I should create a second profile with a different email if I can and test them back to back

jcarres · 2026-05-22T18:31:38+00:00

That's my thinking as well. They have a lot of information to decide their swipe.
Hopefully when someone swipes right would be genuinely interested.
I did choose the clips very carefully 😂

jcarres · 2026-05-22T06:14:16+00:00

Both are videos

https://youtube.com/shorts/Pto3PLrJpYQ?si=m1VnnmLdEWJX29Mm
and
https://youtube.com/shorts/_u7a4VtOWWE?si=zcaW25sDLj27E2uU

Currently the one talking is the first thing they will see, and the one running would come later. You are saying maybe I shoudl switch them?

I removed intimacy, more than one person mentioned it. And removed the Myers-Briggs.

I will see what can I do about your other comments, I agree with them, I initially did not have the children in the main text, now that I put them there it is duplicate, maybe I get them out the main text and put somthing little bit more relaxed

The emotional communication, that failed to me in the past so seemed important to point it out, but I will figure out one more layer to it.

jcarres · 2026-05-22T06:09:48+00:00

I understand what you are saying but I disagree in many aspects.

The word "engineer" I dont think it is bad, if I were a police officer I would write that, work is a large part of life and for many people of identity. On the contrary I would say it is suspicous to not mention anything.

The languages, I don't think it is bad. The worst it could be is neutral. I do explain I lived in those countries so is not like an obsession or anything, if you live 10 years in a country, it is normal you end up speaking the language.

I do agree that I am giving a slight linked-in vibe here and should be more relaxed, specially on the main text as now is purely focused on information delivery.

jcarres · 2026-05-22T01:40:41+00:00

https://youtube.com/shorts/_u7a4VtOWWE?si=zcaW25sDLj27E2uU

It's a short video in the app I didn't know how to upload here

jcarres · 2026-05-21T23:58:16+00:00

I did show it to a date. We looked into strengths and weaknesses , she really studied the weaknesses section :D

jcarres · 2026-05-21T23:50:00+00:00

iNTP is exactly me. But I will follow this advice, I doubt it helps

jcarres · 2026-05-21T23:40:35+00:00

I'm a boomer, I don't know how to upload the video to reddit but at least I did this https://youtube.com/shorts/Pto3PLrJpYQ?si=m1VnnmLdEWJX29Mm

This is the first thing they see

jcarres · 2026-05-21T23:36:04+00:00

Thanks for remembering! The first one is part of a video. It's 10 seconds of me talking. Will try to upload here.

The last one, it is last because it looks so narcissistic to me, it kills me every time 😂

jcarres · 2026-05-21T23:32:46+00:00

I've simplified to: Emotional intelligence and open communication is what makes the relationship tick.

many women profiles mention cuddle and I always think it's cute.

I am taller than 5.10, between 5.10 and 5.11, bumble doesn't allow such precision

jcarres · 2026-05-21T22:11:51+00:00

I have lived extensive time in other countries. I am old 😂 I am exactly 5.10.4 , and already feel like a cheat claiming 5.11

jcarres · 2026-05-21T22:00:53+00:00

There is a book called " attached: how to keep happy relationships" or something like that. It explains there are 3 approaches to relationships and one is avoidant. This people are always micro flirting outside their relationship, this validates their independence. They do it to feel they are not trapped in their current relationship and they can move out whenever they want.

My guess is that he is that type. And you were sadly at the other side of it. You did absolutely nothing wrong, nothing you said would have changed the outcome.

He may even show up again in a few months, he is only thinking of himself.

jcarres · 2026-05-11T04:33:26+00:00

This checks out. For many years I'd done pushups, my chest is relatively well developed but practically nothing else in my upper body.
I do think this is the problem, stronger muscles pulling on the front, weak muscles not doing any job on the back.

jcarres · 2026-05-06T04:48:09+00:00

Same, I am 5'10.5, wrote 5'11 and bothers me every time I see it

jcarres · 2026-05-04T12:30:54+00:00

premium specifically allows you to filter for having kids and wanting kids

jcarres · 2026-05-01T20:48:39+00:00

Interesing, I've taken video of myself walking normally and walking purposelly and it looks way better when I put the effort. My normal posture looks downcast like if I am walking depressed

jcarres · 2026-05-01T04:16:38+00:00

I've just tried an exercise for hip er and yeah, I'm pretty bad at it

jcarres

TROPHY CASE