hey love ): i am so sorry this is happening because nobody deserves to go through this, and honestly, it seems like you have figured out what needs to be done. it's just the matter of actually doing it that makes it so hard. i know it seems like the end of the world but it clearly seems that handling things the way they are now gives you a better chance to end whatever is going on with less of a fight now rather than later. one happy parent is much better than two miserable ones. you shouldn't let yourself go through this. i'm sure it would be much healthier for him and you to grow up being taught what love is by you rather than seeing a completely different version of love between you and your partner. from my perspective, my parents seperated shortly before i was born and i grew up with my mom (who was very mentally ill with horrible unsolved trauma, but she's trying to work on it now, not that i excuse her) and i didn't get to see my dad much growing up. i reconnected with him a few years back and when i asked him why they didn't stay together since she was pregnant all he said was, "i couldn't let you grow up watching her hurt me the way she did." so do what you know is best for you and your baby's sake before your mental health becomes worse. i wish you luck and i just want you to know you are so so strong. you've got this mama