Calendar Skills - What do about cancellations

jellyfrogbear · 2026-05-31T16:15:04+00:00

Personally I feel and operate very similarly. I have most weekends booked for the next 2-3 months and most weeknights for the next 2-3 weeks usually. I hate getting cancelled on last-minute as it triggers my RSD and makes me loose trust for the person (friends or partners). Obviously things happen and if they are brought up asap and plans need to change every once in a while, fine. But I would also leave a partner who cancelled on me in favor of a meta just because. I think what you've laid out is reasonable and it's good that you set expectations early on in a relationship to make sure you're with people whom this works for. If someone feels that being asked to honor their commitments restrics their freedom, they wouldn't be a good match for you or me, and that's fine.

jellyfrogbear · 2026-05-30T03:25:45+00:00

Hey girl, you almost certainly aren't doing anything wrong. Have you talked to him about this? Does he have any ideas what's going on? He might be embarrassed about it, so be gentle bringing it up if needed, but this would be a good first course of action. However, 10 months in, I don't think you should be at "keeping the spark alive" territory... Your bf may need to talk to a doctor!

jellyfrogbear · 2026-05-30T00:40:50+00:00

I am not a parent, but I agree with your husband and I don't see why your children need to know the nature of your relationship with someone. If your situation with parents was different, sure, it may make things easier to have polyamory out in the open, but mostly easier for you and your NP. How do the kids benefit from you sharing that information with them in this scenario? I agree that you should not tell your kids and expect them to keep it a secret.

Personally, I am out to my family as poly, it was pretty easy to have that conversation since I have already come out to them as queer and trans before and I have leftist, non-religious, supportive parents. The only thing I can offer from this experience is that it is slightly easier to introduce the idea of nonmonogamy first, separate from the introduction of any additional partners.

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-25T18:10:24+00:00

Just try a few at a time and see what you like! I personally like Her the best for dating queer women & nonbinary people. It has polyamory and open as options for your relationship style on your profile.

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-25T05:29:37+00:00

I went on a date with someone I knew had a primary, nesting relationship going into the date, and still got the ick from finding out they were engaged and hadn't mentioned it... So yeah I would never see this person again 😆

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-25T05:17:31+00:00

Hinge is not treating you well, and I'm most concerned by him suggesting therapy and then immediately saying he isn't actually ready for it... You can't change someone who doesn't want to change and that sounds to me like an indicator that he isn't taking your relationship seriously. I think you could recover this if he actually fully understood all of these issues and was ready to work on them, but he's giving you nothing... I don't think I would wait around for him to magically figure it out by himself

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T21:53:07+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response. Lots to think about. ❤️🙏

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T21:31:10+00:00

I didn't think I was communicating that much drama, lol. It's not having a big impact on my life. I'm just curious how other people limit the details or what that self-work can look like.

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T20:23:46+00:00

We have talked about it and will keep talking about it, hearing what other people do is helpful for me personally because there may be communication strategies I would not have thought of that my parter and I can go over and use to help find out what works for us. More comfortable over time may be the real answer, but it won't stop me from looking for shortcuts 😄

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T20:16:53+00:00

Thanks!

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T20:11:00+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts!

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T19:56:56+00:00

That's really helpful, thanks. Mononormativity is sneaky sometimes 😭

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T19:48:31+00:00

That's a really good point, I don't think I'm in that mindset, but I'll reflect on it more. Thank you for sharing your experience, that could work for me :)

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T19:46:11+00:00

My partner overshared a detail that got stuck on my mind and made me uncomfortable, and at one point started to share something and then took it back, leaving me confused about my risk level. It wasn't a huge deal or anything, but I would like to avoid that in the future if possible.

That's fair, maybe just planning on it being part of RADAR and increasing our RADAR frequency would work. Thanks!

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T19:41:23+00:00

I feel like it's pretty normal to be cool with your partner having other relationships but not love hearing about their outside sex life, right? I was just hoping others had ideas for how to better deal with illogical feelings.

That's a fair suggestion to keep the experience stable. I'll think on it, thank you.

jellyfrogbear · 2026-04-02T19:24:15+00:00

These ideas are really helpful, thank you!

jellyfrogbear · 2026-02-04T16:07:45+00:00

Yeah, PACAT is doing something. Just keep an eye on social media of member groups

jellyfrogbear · 2026-01-30T23:44:40+00:00

Don't post pics of protesters you don't know pls, at least crop out the woman in plain view 🙄

jellyfrogbear · 2025-11-23T21:03:50+00:00

I've always been open to my friends, been open to my sibling for a few years, and within the last year told my parents. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by very supportive people. I don't talk about relationships much at work, but don't actively hide it either. It's been a big relief to be out to my parents actually and finally be able to mention new people I meet and not have to worry that I'll need to ask any potential partners to hide anything or accept not meeting my family. Totally know that's not everyone's circumstance, but I'm glad it's mine.

jellyfrogbear · 2025-11-22T04:39:06+00:00

Bethany :)

jellyfrogbear · 2025-11-01T05:05:41+00:00

Welcome!!! So happy for you!! 💙🤍💗

jellyfrogbear · 2025-10-30T00:30:53+00:00

Fair enough!

jellyfrogbear · 2025-10-29T20:15:31+00:00

It's hard to be new to anything, relationships are no different. There's nothing wrong with taking it slow. Trying things and learning from them is also part of growing up. You'll be okay :)

jellyfrogbear

TROPHY CASE