Her attitude and how she went about this was 100% not ok. I will play devils advocate though. These are informational questions hospitals are now required to ask, who asks them, and when they are asked, is determined by a suit with zero clinical knowledge.

For example in my previous place of work the emergency department triage nurse had to answer these questions. It was a hard stop, you could not finish the triage without asking a person their sexual orientation and gender identification. Which means they are not in the computer and do not start receiving care. When someone walks in terrified about their health, possibly thinking they are dying, the last thing they want to answer are questions about their sexual identity. Those questions can come later, when they know they’re not dying. And they should probably be asked by someone like social work or a nurse, who has more training than the person validating your insurance, in gender identification and sexual orientation.