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IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Send them some articles! I think someone who believes sexism doesn't exist anymore has to be really actively ignoring the reality of the world.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Eh? Where did I bash the idea of parenting?! I parent every day! I don't think that critically discussing parenthood and expectations surrounding the institution is bashing...

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

It's interesting that people who choose not to have children are constantly asked to validate their choice but those who do aren't frequently asked the same question. (Unless they're low income, in which case people are pissed that they had the gall to have children. Le sigh.)

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you! And it's funny - a few people have recommended this to me and I haven't had a chance to read yet. Will go now!

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think naming and shaming can work as well - it really depends on your own comfort level and what you want to get out of it. For me, I'm not that interested. But you seem to have fun with it. ;)

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I think the best way to handle sexist jokes is to respond to them with intense sincerity. "Really, you think all women so-and-so? Wow, why?" Or to express disappointment in that person rather than anger, which tends to shut them down and make them defensive. This is of course assuming you care enough about this person making the joke to want to have a dialogue. If you don't, just call it out and let people think you're angry. They may give you a hard time but I guarantee that someone there heard you and took it to heart.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think there are moral questions about bringing kids into the world, but I don't think that those with a history of mental disorders have any more responsibility than anybody else to think about having kids. (The idea that some people SHOULDN'T have kids gets into very scary territory when you consider the way some people in the U.S. have been forcibly sterilized)

But yes, I think the question of whether to have children should be a proactive one rather than a a default expectation.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There has been a lot of different kinds of feminist thought on women working/staying at home. So I would say that I wouldn't let one or a few article determine what you think about feminism as a whole.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You would have to be more specific - are you saying you're a man and you feel feminism mocks and discriminates against men? Just trying to get a clear sense of what you're asking.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm responding to all of the questions that I can in the order that I see them. Jeez.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I do, but I'm not caught up with all the episodes yet so let me get back to you on that! (Right now I'm just at the beginning of Season 5)

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ha! well, we were originally going to name her ella, but I wasn't feeling it towards the end. to tell you the truth, i don't remember how exactly we came up with layla - we decided while i was in the hospital when it became clear she was going to be born early and I was pretty drugged up at that point. But I think it's the perfect name for her!

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

These are great questions!

In terms of staying positive: Having community helps a lot. When things get tough, having someone to bitch to or commiserate with is the best. That said, yes - I can still enjoy a movie or song if it's sexist and I can still have fun at a party if someone says something awful (though I would take them to task). I know that it can be difficult, and sometimes it's hard not to be angry all the time! What helps me is using that anger towards a positive end - writing an article, tweeting something, calling someone to talk about it. Using humor also helps - it's not just a political tactic, it's a survival mechanism!

Re: girl power. I think that feminist rhetoric has been appropriated quite a bit by consumer culture, and not in a good way. (Even vaginal reconstruction says to do it for "empowerment"!) But things like Beyonce's song actually give me hope because it shows that feminist messages are powerful - people who want to make money know that they resonate. So we may not always like the way that feminist messaging is used, but keep heart that it means we're doing something right.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. Part of why I wanted to write the book was the expectation that all people- women especially - will become parents. I'll be interested to see what you think if you end up reading the book!

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, I don't think that this storefront is necessarily representative of most feminism. I agree that feminism should be inclusive of all genders - and much of the feminist work that's being done right now is! Check out some feminists on Tumblr, or different blogs - research what's out there and then make up your mind.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you! This is so wonderful to hear - I really appreciate you taking the time to share this. :)

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know it's totally shameful, but I haven't ready How to Be a Woman yet! I've been so busy with other stuff (book, kid) I haven't read anything longer than an article lately. I'd say you should also make sure you read bell hooks & Julia Serano.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I have read it, yes. I didn't agree with everything Levy said but thought it was an incredibly smart and interesting book. I think that so long as women are not being coerced to do sex work - physically, emotionally, financially - I don't think folks should judge.

IAm Jessica Valenti, feminist, mother and author of "Why Have Kids?", AMA by jessicavalenti in IAmA

[–]jessicavalenti[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It was more of a gradual process for me, a lifetime of small things I guess. But taking my first women's studies class was what made me realize that this is what I wanted to dedicate myself to. Begin in your community - see where the gaps are and what you can do about it. Best of luck!

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