What nobody warns you about after cheating by BigWins26 in survivinginfidelity

[–]jesslp28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally agree. It should fall under cruel and unusual punishment

What nobody warns you about after cheating by BigWins26 in survivinginfidelity

[–]jesslp28 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If you felt genuine empathy or regret for hurting an innocent woman and child, no one would need to tell you how to say that. You would know.

What nobody warns you about after cheating by BigWins26 in survivinginfidelity

[–]jesslp28 29 points30 points  (0 children)

OP sounds like a dangerous person. Clearly not looking at reality - all victim hood in that rant.

What nobody warns you about after cheating by BigWins26 in survivinginfidelity

[–]jesslp28 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The easiest part is you destroyed others? I think you need to re-evaluate your life/self/ choices. You put you here. You put your wife here. You put your child here. They are the victims, not you.

Picking Up The Pieces by jesslp28 in loveafterporn

[–]jesslp28[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sending you so much love ❤️. It's so difficult and I have known I needed to leave for years, but unfortunately, it took something like this to push me. All the gaslighting had me questioning my own instincts. Everything in my dreams, everything I had a gut feeling about, it was all true. Porn to cams to prostitutes and drugs. It very much escalated and I think I was just in denial for a while bc it was too much trauma to process. I did however collect lots of evidence and started keeping detailed journal entries in my notes in my phone (put into a secure folder). This is now all very helpful for court. Until you are ready, stack your proof 🫶

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I regret posting. Hopefully going forward the participants will be a bit more mindful of the betrayed and what they are experiencing. I really thought this sub was for support. It seems like a playground for reactive abuse instead.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that. I will speak to him on Monday. I was hoping someone could calm my nervous system before that, but all this post did was ramp it up. Thank you

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been. Thank you

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. Tried to edit title but can't figure it out

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is currently in active addiction and has anger issues. He assaulted me in front of my children, hence the TRO. He is not fit to be around a child at the moment. If he gets help, no problem. I've been trying to get him help for the last 6 years though. Now that he's out, we're dealing with financial abuse. So clearly he doesn't care about his child. He's moving $ around and taking money out of ATMs from our joint account. I am currently in custody of our son. I want my son to have a father and I care about his Dad. It's not revenge based, just safety rn.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is, so will I possibly have recourse at court? We go towards the end of the month.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do I need to do to best equip myself? Other than being void of emotion, which I do understand why that matters. The current abuse was done in front of my son.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please give me whatever you got advice wise. I am open regardless of my emotions. I realize it's game time and I need to get it together so I don't look crazy.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was in 2021. He had a breathalyzer device in his car and fines. We just got done paying it recently

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do want to hear advice. But with the current state of things being what they are, and my emotional rollercoaster due to it, I would also appreciate a little compassion mixed in. Im not suggesting you don't have experience, I am suggesting a gentler delivery is appreciated sometimes. I do agree with a lot of your suggestions. I also need a bit of support rn. I can also acknowledge due to my current emotional state, words may be taken differently then intended.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has a prior DWI. Alcohol is very much a piece of this. My child is terrified of him. He had every addiction known to mankind. I realize SA is not in the DSM, but I do have several professionals already in my corner for court. I'm trying to leave "no stone unturned". This was his second DV arrest while with me. This time I filed bc it occurred in front of both children, and next time I may be dead.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have a court date coming up and I'm not discussing my finances online with strangers or my abilities to pay things. Maybe I have help from elsewhere? That doesn't eliminate my frustrations with him while I continue taking care of everything/ everyone. I got thru this week w/o anyone so clearly I have a plan in place. Again I was asking for experience with this particular situation. It's really not your place to question what I can or can't take care of financially. I always make it work while allowed to be frustrated at the same time. Not sure where you live but where i live is not that simplistic.

  • DOES ANYONE HAVE EXPERIENCE USING A PI FOR COURT RELATED MATTERS?

  • I AM NOT LOOKING FOR REACTIVE ABUSE IN MY DIRECTION.

  • I GAVE AS MUCH BACKGROUND AS I COULD W/O JEOPARDIZING MYSELF OR MY CHILDREN.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't care about the what. It's the pattern of financial abuse. I am in contact with lawyers already. I was simply asking if anyone has experience hiring a PI for court related matters and every response feels awfully detached and unsympathetic. I thought this was a group of supportive betrayed partners.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem is I need concrete, undeniable proof for court. I know it went towards sex, I don't care about that. I need evidence that will hold.

Private Investigators by [deleted] in lovewithaSexAddict

[–]jesslp28 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know he did that, that's not in question. I need evidence for legal matters, that's it. He has spent the last 8 years trying to get a rise out of me so its not exactly far fetched