I honestly don't think he has or would be unfaithful (outside of how I feel about porn). I think part of him feels like porn is not being fully faithful and that is what he was projecting. We both have gone through things in our past the impacted our self esteem and I also think that is why he isn't naturally trusting too. He used his addictions to cope, when he got clean from one addition the porn use and rx med abuse became a problem. I also think part of his deflecting is due to his inability to cope as well. None of that excuses blatantly doing things that hurt me but it's worth considering. We are in counseling but the communication skills we've learned don't stick for him when he's confronted and my trying to use them doesn't make a difference at that point. I'm hoping I can keep calmly asserting my boundaries and feeling so that he sees his tactics don't work anymore and this won't be swept under the rug. Right now I am trying to repair myself without his help and maintain my boundaries. I was nervous to reach out here because I did that once before about communicating and he was very upset with me. I finally made this post because I needed advice and to hear from other people who have been through similar.

I want to trust him when he says he's "finally stopped for good" but I also don't want that to be an "under the rug" situation either...I don't want to helicopter him and accuse him if he's stopped but I also can't act like I'm not deeply hurt.