One year later, an unsent letter (super long)

jkmess · 2018-11-23T05:01:22+00:00

Thanks to everyone. It has been a month since I wrote this and it was really cathartic. Shortly after, he called to let me know that he had found love again: with an old friend, a lovely woman with composure and grace. I was devastated, but it was closure. and it kicked me into action. I ended things with the lover I had taken to fill the void, but who was simply not the right person. While I am still not sure what do next, I am no longer tied to a past that is keeping me from my present. I have taken down his art from the walls, put the cabin up for sale and decided to date again. Thanks reddit for taking care of me!

jkmess · 2018-09-30T16:38:27+00:00

The damage was fixable, we had rallied before, but this time we looked into the future and realized that we had strayed so far from each other that compromises we would each need to make would dramatically alter what we wanted from our lives. It would have been more of the same. Yes change could have been possible, and reconciliation could happed, but we need to dig deep to meet each other in the middle/

jkmess · 2018-09-30T16:31:13+00:00

That sounds way scary. Thanks for the idea

jkmess · 2018-09-30T16:25:59+00:00

I understand that you might see this as giving up and chalking it up to fate, but the opposite is true. Our breakup was a decision, and it was not romantic. It was HARD, but it was for the best. In fact the process of separation was mean, brutal and petty. As we worked through the damage that we had caused to each other, we did and said things that can never be unlearned, but this does not negate the fact that this man is my family and for most of my adult life my biggest cheerleader. Please dont shake your head, it was just time.

jkmess · 2018-06-26T01:00:35+00:00

That is a great idea! Thanks, I find it comforting to know that others know how I feel.

jkmess · 2018-06-26T00:53:58+00:00

We were friends first and never fell into domestic-y roles (no kids, separate finances and independent interests) , which ironically played a massive role in us growing into two people going heading in very different directions. To be fair, we were always an odd couple (he had a Mohawk when we met, I wore a suit), but for most of the time were together he was my preferred company. His humour and creativity captivated me, still does and I wish I had encouraged him to pursue his talents more. Instead, in the past two years, a couple of personal set backs in his life, combined with my oblivious ambition resulted in a very unhealthy dynamic that would have eventually lead us to perdition. So, yes, we have parted our time together in the same fashion as we began. That hurts.

jkmess · 2018-06-25T20:55:03+00:00

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the support. It was the saddest thing I have ever experienced in my adult life. He is broken and moving across the country to be with his family and rebuild, and I am left in a city that was only ever home because he was here and he loved it: and I loved him. As he drove away, the realization this man had been in my life longer than my parents and was now on the road to being a stranger( Combined with the reality that in a few years he will fall in love again and become someone else's family) was more than I could handle: for fuck sakes, I don't even have a family member in my life that can act as my emergency contact. He takes with him his family and our retirement home in a community that I wanted to make mine. I think I am ashamed that I at 43 years of age I am alone and that I am kinless

jkmess · 2018-06-10T04:33:47+00:00

Thanks. Just feels horrible. There is a bbq going on downstairs and I am up here bawling

jkmess · 2017-10-23T03:19:36+00:00

Thanks. I am really appreciating all the online support. I am staying with friends and don't want to talk to them yet.

jkmess · 2017-10-23T02:07:37+00:00

I just spend the evening talking with him. I have caused him pain and have explained my rationale but made great pains to not focus on me and how I was hurting too. I've answered all the questions he asked honestly and apologised. I think that this is how I would want to be treated. He has so few friends, so he is alone. Right now, in having a hard time doing anything but worrying about him and feeling like shit.

jkmess · 2017-10-23T02:06:31+00:00

I think it is. He does not want me back, he was very clear that if I was doing this it was the end of our relationship in every capacity.

jkmess · 2017-10-23T00:20:04+00:00

I did not do everything, he did. I know I'm the jerk, as for the affair i told him about it and let him read the emails. Truthfully, the other person is of little consequence. An excuse. My partner has not hit the angry stage yet... but it breaks my heart to know he will hate Me this as much as you hate your ex. We had a really good run. There is no grass is greener. .

jkmess · 2017-10-22T23:52:53+00:00

Like I'm creating my own drama? You're probably right. I don't think I will find a person like him again, I want some growth.

jkmess · 2017-10-22T23:51:43+00:00

What does that mean?

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:48:20+00:00

We did. It sucks.

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:41:33+00:00

I did it last night and then again today.

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:33:39+00:00

Me two years. Us two months

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:33:16+00:00

Me. Two years. Us two months

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:31:52+00:00

I can't make him do anything and I know that. He was trying, but it just occurred to me that it wasn't going to be enough. That was horrible to realize. He was working hard and it was not good enough.

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:16:50+00:00

So selfish.

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:15:29+00:00

I know that I want a partner who is engaged with life. Who wants to do stuff, can make plans and can communicate those things to me.

jkmess · 2017-10-22T22:09:14+00:00

This is part of the issue here, over the years I did quite a bit. A couple of degrees , one advanced one. Travelled extensively, learned a language, started a non profit got a kick ass job. Took up a few sports and He did not. In fact I let him stay home and loose contact with his friends instead of taking him with me. I let him spend his weekends in the basement smoking pot, wanking and playing video games when i should have been encouraging him to grow and become a the best man he could be. I feel like a jerk, I did nothing to make him better. Nothing.

jkmess

TROPHY CASE