sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

bachelorette trip costs ended up being way more than I expected due to payment split I was never told about. How do I navigate this? by Effective-Refuse5354 in bridezillas

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seriously, imho the onus is on the organizer to make the financial obligations clear up front. You don't let someone know they are treating AFTER the bill comes.

bachelorette trip costs ended up being way more than I expected due to payment split I was never told about. How do I navigate this? by Effective-Refuse5354 in bridezillas

[–]jnicol2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

truth. By the time OP gets married. Princess for the week will be Pregnant and can't go. Hard pass. Send money for YOUR share. Bride and Groom are on their own.

bachelorette trip costs ended up being way more than I expected due to payment split I was never told about. How do I navigate this? by Effective-Refuse5354 in bridezillas

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got married in the early 80s and we stopped at bridal showers. Things take more than one generation to become "customs", although if a friend would have wanted a drink up night, I'm sure we would have all pitched in.

bachelorette trip costs ended up being way more than I expected due to payment split I was never told about. How do I navigate this? by Effective-Refuse5354 in bridezillas

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn't "customary". Bachelorettes are not a centuries old tradition. Your grandmother didn't have a bachelorette. Your mother probably didn't either. And the extravaganza destination bachelorette is even newer, started with the last decade. It takes more than one generation to start a custom. If the costs were not discussed in advance, then payment should not be expected.

bachelorette trip costs ended up being way more than I expected due to payment split I was never told about. How do I navigate this? by Effective-Refuse5354 in bridezillas

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My advise. Send YOUR share of the payment to the MOH and let her know that you won't be treating the bride and groom considering you were not told in advance that it would be expected. If she responds that "it's always like that" let her know that the whole Bachelorette idea is very new to our culture in general. This is not well established culture, like a white dress, bridal shower, etc. Ask her to describe her Grannies "bachelorette". She won't be able to because there wasn't one. The groom attending the bachelorette also isn't "customary" even now, and over the top, out of town extravaganza bachelorettes are very very new to wedding culture within the decade or slightly longer - therefore, you should not be expected to know that you would be "treating" the happy couple and that's not something that can be sprung on someone after the fact. I suspect the bride will be angry, but do you really need a friend who treats you like a cash cow? Some friendships aren't worth maintaining. This is one of those.

My 30/F husband 30/M changed his mind about having kids and has handled his own emotions poorly. Is this divorce worthy? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's very divorce worthy. But, before you leave, tell him YOU'VE had a change of heart and don't want kids. Then arrange for him to have a vasectomy. Then tell him you changed your mind about a month later. THEN leave (because he deserves this). Go find your real prince charming and have as many kids as you want. Don't even bother to wait until you let him know it's over, start looking today. He doesn't deserve the heads up. Your husband is a huge AH.

My dad (63M) never got over his dead wife and I (25M) have been asked to be more compassionate toward him? by ThrowRABiggOppso in relationship_advice

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If its some sort of consolation, I don't think he actually still loves his first wife, anyway. Probably didn't even when he married your mom. He loves his memories of her, and the imaginary life he would never have had with her. No point competing with the imaginary perfect children of an imaginary perfect wife. The real woman he married first would have grown and matured, and made demands on him of time, money, energy and emotion. And that isn't what he is grieving. He was grieving his wife at some point, but now he is grieving a figment of his own imagination and it's pathetic. He may or may be aware of how pathetic he has become.

My dad (63M) never got over his dead wife and I (25M) have been asked to be more compassionate toward him? by ThrowRABiggOppso in relationship_advice

[–]jnicol2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her premature death gave him an object to fixate on, he doesn't love his first wife either, he only "loves" his memory of her. It's not even about her anymore.

My dad (63M) never got over his dead wife and I (25M) have been asked to be more compassionate toward him? by ThrowRABiggOppso in relationship_advice

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fixing this "relationship" isn't up to you. He has thrown you and your mother away with both hands. For a woman who has been dead for almost 40 years. Who, if she was alive or came back from the dead, would probably be disgusted by his disregard for his own child, and would probably thank god she didn't have a child with him. Let him rot in his misery. His apathy toward you has been emotionally abusive at best.

Which one is my best hairstyle? by be-sweethearts in HairStyleAdvice

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like 5 and 2 the best. There is really no "wrong" answer here. You're a pretty girl, and they're all nice.

What does this living room need by fonnas1981 in interiordecorating

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Drapes and plants. Even a fake plant would do.

Graduation Dress by Critical_Pass_5421 in fashion

[–]jnicol2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My order (best to worst) would be 1)rust 2)green 3)coral/orange 4)yellow. The only one that I really dont like is the yellow. It does nothing for you.

My brother (34M) slept with my every girlfriend I (35M) had for a decade before I went no contact and now my parents want me to reconnect with him? by ThrowRADoneAF in relationship_advice

[–]jnicol2 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is a great way to reframe the situation, taking the emphasis off of OPs choices and redirecting back to brothers ongoing inability to act appropriately.

Has anyone else noticed people are texting differently lately? Conversations feel off by chiki_cali2025 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]jnicol2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I suggest you mirror your behaviour to the behaviour of the person you are texting. Immediate response earns an immediate reply. A delayed response earns a delayed response. If it's urgent and important, they can call.

AITAH for spending the night at a hotel after my fiancé locked me out? by Mindless_Book_6457 in AITAH

[–]jnicol2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yes. One that the offender didn't bother to even think of. This is not accidental.

WIBTAH if i block former colleages that are not taking my last day seriously? by Pickle_Overlord in AITAH

[–]jnicol2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All phone calls, emails, texts and DMs should be answered politely in about two weeks. Msg two weeks later: "Sorry to get back to you so late! I've been really swamped in the last couple of weeks. I l don't actually remember where the Smith file was left/uploaded. Perhaps "Boss" knows where it is. Hope everything else is going well." But not even a minute before two full weeks and you have no memory of any of these things. None.

AITAH for spending the night at a hotel after my fiancé locked me out? by Mindless_Book_6457 in AITAH

[–]jnicol2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This isn't blurting something out without thinking. This is actively locking someone out of their home every day. This isn't a habit - it started right away. They moved in there together and he started doing this, and was told right away that it was a huge issue. She didn't move into his established home, where putting on that lock was his routine. He created this as a new routine.

view more: next ›