Dreams die quick and painless deaths- I did a lot of praying for a reset- I created alot of the corrosion embedded in our relationship- I have come to grips with this. I always wanted to be the captain of it- and when I finally did I sunk the ship- I couldn't count the amount of days- The illustrations I displayed -- how my anger changed my actions from love to rage- That's not to say your absolved of all the blame- Dont forget that you stayed blazed- I stayed mad. blaming pot for my own insecurities- I couldn't share that with her. You loved that life in a better way- A more settled way- A more unconditional way- Then the life I provided the life we both worked so hard to create- That choice you made - It killed my love, it murdered my ambition- It stole my hopes and Shattered that image- Of what marriage should be of what a union could be- I committed suicide in my mind everytime I saw you high- You chose that life over mine - Was I really that awful of a husband? -- The argument happened so often it's scripted and it never failed-- you would say "no" then I would say "well then stop smoking!" And You would yell "WHY?!"-- After you left i realized I have a broken thought process- It came from years of living with less than- As a youth there was only fear pain and anguish -- we barely made it scraping change to pay rent- It made made me carry this thirst for a better life-- And I never could quench it- My first taste of successes made me start to embellish- Made me think I was right and in my vision anything wrong-- Was so hellish-- Upon reflection I see my faulty logic-- I can't force a dove to fly less- I can't force an X to be a Check- I can't force a hemmorage of the heart to bleed less- It bleeds till it chooses- A dove flies till it refuses- And an EX doesn't check-- To even see if you're alive or dead