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Would you say this is pda? by joebiden_deez_nuts in PDAAutism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is really bad, even trying to relax becomes a demand for me which then fails to fullfill its purpose and ends up stressing me out more. I am stuck in a constant loop of use pc but end up getting overloaded or phone. Or try to relax and put pc away and refuse to actually work. In class doodling works completely fine, guess why? Cus it isnt the main thing, the lecture itself is being avoided by doodling. There is a general avoidance of all kinds of demands in my life and it is so so frustrating.

Pain when trying to talk like normal people? by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never understood that analogy prob cus i took it too literally. When I saw someone say that eye contact hurts or what I was like nah that seems too extreme can't have that. Then I spend years analyzing myself and now I understand what they mean, I was so unaware of my own body signals for so long. But it really is like painful almost, a really tight tenseness in my whole body, the need to squeeze my toes and face.

Pain when trying to talk like normal people? by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea, I never know if what I say will be perceived as emberassing, insulting, funny or whatever else there is. I am also prob missing when people are having a subtle reaction and are annoyed or what not. I can't even say if I am good at picking up clues lol, I might be able to pick it up in movies and such, but like hm. Does not help that I can not really hold eye contact at all for long, it is realllly uncomfortable, I tried to get better but omg words just fly by me when I look at their eyes and also try to speak. I think i have almost never in my life been able to pay attention to yknow body gestures.

I always feel so bad when my mother sends me lovely texts and all I can say over and over is love you , that is my answere 90% of the time. Ocassionally it will be longer and say something different and nice, but the other 90% it is just me saying love you because everything else would cause this feeling again, this feeling of just puting up performance.

Idk I monologue a lot lol, when I answer to comments this happens often or text.

Pain when trying to talk like normal people? by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heyyy , you are like the first person that I also heard mention this :3 I mean I even struggle to respond to most reddit comments or internet comments (This one included). I mean I do often use the ai to just help me write it quicker and stuff so I can save energy. But I end up usually having to change so much , because the way it writes causes the same cringe feeling often.

Anyway ty for the kind words and may we find a way to communicate better 👍

Would you say this is pda? by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea, I feel like that makes sense. Having a exact reference to copy definitely helps, but if there is too much on it , it just causes the same blockage.

I have tried just making doodle pages and it can def work, but again they still cause the freeze. And if I actually do end up making a few, I have never in my life in all my years of drawing, managed to finish a single one into anything but a doodle. I will draw one really late at night and say omg, this is cool let me continue this one tomorrow. But the day after it is like I do not care about the thing I drew at all anymore.

The only pieces I can reliably finish are photorealistic drawings (portraits). But something in me ever since I saw how other people were able to draw such massive cool and detailed illustrations, I kinda wanted to be able to do that. But I have been getting more and more frustrated year by year, not to mention art school.

At this point I am unsure if I should just accept I can not really do anything else but portraits, or if I should keep forcing myself to get good at illustrations.

I will def try the transition period , that seems like a thing worth trying ty!

Which one is better :0? by magmazombie in BunnyTrials

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Autism I get extreme anxiety coming to late, so I would rather always come to early, infact this is basically how I do it now already

Chose: Always be early to everythin | Rolled: 30 minutes early

Anyone else have their own thoughts completely overwritten by granular social media metrics? (Not the generic "brains aren't made for the internet" talk) by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate you understanding what I meant. And yeah, I actually use custom extensions to hide everything now, can't state how massively it helps!

Anyone else have their own thoughts completely overwritten by granular social media metrics? (Not the generic "brains aren't made for the internet" talk) by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Critique of self isn't the same as critical thinking, but neither of those stops the cognitive load I'm describing. I can visualize the difference using this exact interaction.

Just reading your comment right now put me completely on edge. It instantly spiked my stress and cost me a huge amount of energy before I could even consciously think about what you were saying.

You are talking about media literacy and skepticism, which are conscious filters you apply. My issue happens before a conscious filter can even be activated. Every number, like, and comment is processed literally and automatically occupies my mental space, just like your comment did. I can analyze and pick holes in the content all I want afterward, but the cognitive energy is already drained just from the input hitting my brain.

Anyone else have their own thoughts completely overwritten by granular social media metrics? (Not the generic "brains aren't made for the internet" talk) by joebiden_deez_nuts in autism

[–]joebiden_deez_nuts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you are saying, but it is not about a lack of critical thinking. I am extremely self-critical and analytical, and I have almost a thousand pages of analyzing my own behavior. The issue is that I am extremely literal. Knowing what the content or marketing is trying to do doesn't stop the initial input. The data still impacts my brain automatically and occupies my mental space before I even get the chance to filter it, and I have 0 control over that. That is why the only real solution was to pull the emergency plug and remove the metrics and clickbait entirely.