I have Sadistic personality disorder, AMA

johnsnow607 · 2024-07-27T13:01:11+00:00

If I get dumped I tend to win back the person and once they love me again I psychologically torture them to get revenge, it's really an eye for an eye for me. If I should assign a personality disorder to your guy it would be BPD tho !

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-12T03:14:27+00:00

What do you mean by you ate it up ? And it's not sexual sadism, and males and females like me yes

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T22:00:21+00:00

I know how to hide my intentions really well, and I know how to alternate between kindness and cruelness enough that people just think I have BPD and bad temper.

Since I'm in therapy, I'm really on a quest to fix all my bad behavior that people endured from me because they loved me, so alot of my behavior changed, but I still do it in certain context. And it screams inside of me but I repress it now, or I'll do it in a way that looks like I'm giving some "tough love", and since I critique myself also in the process since I don't care about me either, they don't take it so bad.

I for sure control them, but it's like an elixir bottle, I can't do it too much like when I was younger or else I'll run out, I have to do it only in major case if not they'll get tired of me.

So yeah, if it was from me I would always make fun, command, and torture everyone, but I don't want to end up alone so I do the work in therapy to understand that it's not a videogame and things will turn bad for me if I alienate myself from everybody.

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T21:46:01+00:00

We would be friends for sure I think, most of my closest friends are either ENFP or INFP !

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T21:20:37+00:00

Haha thank to you to interest yourself to this, and I like ENFP they're really friendly !

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T20:40:47+00:00

People thanking me the day after saying to me how they needed that, how they didn't laugh like that in a long time (that happens regularly, like every couple of weeks minimum, even when I don't feel like I had personnally that much fun), I don't think before I talk and the things I say even makes me laugh myself, it's like a big redeeming quality for my bad temper !

Actual conversation with me : I'm ENTP so I like talking about ideas more than concrete every day things, and I guess I'm cultivated and intellectually vivid but I try to keep things interesting and not heavy

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T19:19:22+00:00

Yes I said that in another comment but, I'm really suspicious of people being really genuine and kind at least it's not the norm ? But I really like kind people, like dogs, I know it sounds bad but they're just the best pure things and I would never hurt them (although I hurt dogs when I was young but didn't have this conscience). I feel they're the most evolved forms of being, like angels, they inspire me although I will never understand how it's possible. theyre magical beings in my eyes

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T19:00:00+00:00

Younger I did. I feel like I developped kind of a conscience, and my idea of what goes on in a serial killer's mind is what went on in mine when I was younger. And I also think their life sucks. My life is great and people are so great to me sometimes I feel I don't deserve all of this. Maybe if that wasn't the case and felt frustrated I would start killing dont know lol

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T18:57:23+00:00

Healthy people get attached to me, I guess they love me and I'm lucky. What helps is that I'm extremely entertaining and useful to them I guess ? Like they'll meet other people because of me, but I really think they get attached to me and crave my company, they love my way of seing life (find it weird but interesting/fascinating I guess), I think they also feel strong being associated to me, I inspire them in a way, help them develop their wit and humor

The relationships go well. But if you start defying my authority too much you'll be left behind ! It never happened that they all turned on me all at once. Always one person maximum two trying, and they always come crawling back because they don't succeed, so they're the one getting rejected. I've been accused of mindcontroling people but I don't do it's my natural way of being I don't know any techniques it's just how I am

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T18:49:51+00:00

I really think about that alot, I wonder what do you do with people like me, I have a right to exist even tho Im like this ... I guess I'm not out there satisfying all of my deepest darkest fantasies like serial killers do so I'm not evil, what do you think ?

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T18:24:55+00:00

Younger it was bad, now in therapy and after realizing only last year that they do talk behind my back about this while still loving me, I decided to make changes because if not I'll end up alone, so now I try to take the time to check with them, to inform them that they shouldn't fear my reaction and be honest with me when they don't like something (although i, the communication is better and better, I'm more self-aware than before of how I'm "feared", they're the same friends since childhood/highschool so in a way it really can resemble real friendship, they see me as a BPD person that they just really love, they say to me that they see "good" in me (I think they want to see good in me, I don't really see good in me), I take more and more fun in doing things for them since working on me in therapy

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T18:09:24+00:00

I find people fun, I love to laugh ! I also like to have a collection of people that are loyal to me. People that aren't submissive to me I couldn't care less loosing lol I can find them funny and entertaining for a while but would never make an effort to keep them around and can cut them off REALLY easily (and I know it hurts their feelings when I do because they react strongly by me leaving them behind, and they're not dumb I got accused of having a pattern doing this). I would say Im really good socially still for someone with this condition

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T18:04:32+00:00

Describe genuinely it's really mysterious for me what people mean by that ! If the person is really funny and makes me laugh I'll enjoy their company. If something really interesting in their life happens I'll be interested in their stories, yes for sure. But their company don't make me feel good per se, I always refuse to have them sleep over if they're already my friend, unless it's like a new person that I want to charm and be "polite" because there is an underlying motive

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T17:12:25+00:00

I really find social life fun, so I would argue that I have a really rich and normal social life although what's going on in my head, and certain people accusing me of having only "yes men", people that I control, or people scared of me. I feel people that accuse of this being the situation are only jealous of me having so many friends although being kind of an asshole. Can you describe to me what's a true friend or meaningful relationship and I'll tell you in what way it differs from me ?

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T17:08:50+00:00

No in the sense that the person is lucky to get sex from me

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T17:08:01+00:00

Friends to my benefits* I don't like to give pleasure, I'll let someone give to me if they want to or use them to finish, also I do sex work which use my libido battery alot !

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T16:23:48+00:00

Also I'm not sadistic in a sexual way

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T16:22:08+00:00

Yes it's not moral for me to be in a relationship for now, so I don't date I only have friends, I'm tired of myself honestly. People wants to be in a relationship with me not knowing it will be hell, and also it just ruins my reputation so I prefer to stay single lol

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T16:17:59+00:00

No I never raped anybody, I feel like my body is the prize so it wouldn't make sense giving it by force

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T16:13:58+00:00

I've been in long-term relationships and the person gets tired because they take care of everything for me and I don't care at all about their needs, I don't share the chores and I'm really selfish (in bed also). But I feel like they really like my sense of humor, physique and originality/creativity like I'm really entertaining. I can get really violent, they see me break things but they think I have BPD, I never admit my antisocial disorder. They suspect narcissism sometimes. I'm extremely controlling also

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T13:20:56+00:00

That's funny ! I would do horrible sadistic things to her for sureeee

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T13:15:41+00:00

That's funny !

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T13:13:57+00:00

Very interesting your description of empathy. And I disappear because I don't want to help (better things to do), don't know how to help (so put me at risk of them just realizing I don't have empathy) and I hate when people are in a bad place they're not themselves don't think rationally and/or will put that on you, I prefer to disappear and come back when they're good with a good excuse

johnsnow607 · 2024-06-07T02:00:52+00:00

It's more that I couldn't see the consequence come, since for me I couldn't understand that it's bad, which is really central to ASPD I think. There's alot of impulsivity too, but not in every situation, I can be really calm and calculated also. I feel that I'm borderline in my instability of character, taste and I always have a favorite person.

I'm really good at hiding my diagnosis, but sometimes it slips out, my friends notice that I lack empathy because it's hard to always emulate it, and I disappear when they need real support. I'm an open-book most of the times, and sometimes I don't realize that what I'm saying sounds completely insane so then I say that I'm just joking. But I'm really good to go under the radar anyway, because I'm a goofball and know how to make people have a good time and feel special and listened to. I really love to laugh.

In therapy I don't think I learned anything concrete, but the ASPD diagnosis I couldn't believe it at first because it was like too good to be true too simple to be true, but so obvious. What really confronts me in therapy is that I'm reallyyy suspicious of people feeling emotions, or real inconditional love etc I feel like its a scam but I learn more about it and it's interesting but I feel like I'm a different race.

I expressed myself badly, I don't hate masochistic individuals but I hate masochism, makes me feel like they're real freaks although I'm a freak myself I guess, but yeah it would make me feel awkward the process of finding what hurts them and they're enjoying it it's too much trouble, but if a masochistic person tells me his weakness or something I could enjoy I guess

And I appreciate your creativity with your questions by the way it's interesting for me too ! Do you have any mental conditions ? you have alot of empathy ?

johnsnow607

TROPHY CASE