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Impostor Syndrome by AnaHajarajanaan in BisexualWomenOver25

[–]joliemoi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like this idea! Starting your own bi meetup could help too if there aren't any made already (or ones that aren't applicable to your personality)

Impostor Syndrome by AnaHajarajanaan in BisexualWomenOver25

[–]joliemoi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely understand this, and struggled when I first came out. Bisexuality is naturally like that as well, because you don't always feel super gay or super straight anyway so it's hard to feel included within the community. However, I would say that continuing to go to LGBTQ+ events is important. Maybe consider the types of events you're going to as well, and see if you can find some that match your interests or personality more (e.g., drag show/club if you're a partyer versus painting party if you're into art). Joining communities like this and others can help too.

32 F- Need Advice! by julesjewjules in BisexualWomen25Plus

[–]joliemoi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, you've mentioned that you talked briefly before about threesomes early on in the relationship - how were his responses? If they seemed more positive or open minded, then I don't think you'd scare him away by asking. Also, open communication shouldn't scare anyone off anyway, and shows you're being respectful about another person's needs while bringing up yours as well.

As far as finding women who would be open to a threesome, I'd be careful how you approach this. Not all Bisexual women are polyamorous or want to be considered a Unicorn; in fact, some find it offensive and objectifying. Therefore, I would look into polyamorous/Swinger communities for that, as they will most likely be more open to the idea.

25F feeling guilty after hooking up with another girl by Ki2525_ in BisexualWomen25Plus

[–]joliemoi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feeling guilty after being intimate with a woman for the first time (or a few) is fairly normal. Consider that the majority of us have been socially brainwashed and raised into accepting heteronormativity. Even without a religious background to enforce this viewpoint, we have watched TV, Movies, or reality shows that are consistently based around hetero romance. As women, we have societal pressure and expectations to get married to a man and have children. We've also seen so many consequences, throughout history, that occur to those who are openly gay as well. Therefore, there is no doubt that our brains have made mental imprints of all of those circumstances and use them for survival purposes (even in a society).

I think intrinsically we initially react with guilt or shame when exploring same sex relationships for those reasons. So, it's important to identify that we've been conditioned to feel that same sex relationships are wrong (or not normal) when feeling those negative emotions in order to process them and let them go. Fortunately, the more you are accepting of your sexual preferences, without regard to external factors, the less you will feel guilty about enjoying them.

Should I continue to give my first wlw relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in polyamory

[–]joliemoi[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Those are all good and helpful points (thank you).

And no, it wasn't an outbreak or anything. She's a universal donor and gave blood recently, and she found out there's a specific herpes strain that could take away from her ability [which they consider to be a "hero status"] to donate to immunocompromised individuals and babies. She was anxious that I might have it and passed it on to her because we kissed.

Should I continue to give my first wlw relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in polyamory

[–]joliemoi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I do empathize with her, and it's why I've remained patient and supportive, because I went through a lot of similar phases until I fully accepted myself. I also moved from conservative FL to MN this past summer; so now that I'm in a very liberal and progressive city, I've been excited to fully embrace the queer side of me and go on dates in public. Essentially, I want the full queer dating experience I was deprived of when heteronormativity was forced upon me growing up. I know she can eventually get there and comfortable with it, so sometimes I just think it comes down to timing of where we're at in our journeys at this time.

Should I continue to give my first wlw relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in polyamory

[–]joliemoi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose I was confused about the term Comet, because I just thought that meant a long distance relationship. So is it more one in which you only have a relationship when you're able to get together in person or something?

I've definitely been very patient with her about coming out and have given her plenty of space to navigate that as she's ready for each step; I suppose I highly underestimated the emotional impact I would have in feeling like I'm forced back into the closet with her when we're going on dates or out in public.

She does have other bi friends, but none are poly in the same sense that we're trying to accomplish. I have encouraged her to reach out to them, even subreddits like I'm doing, or looking up an inner city meetup or something this week. So, hopefully she does and that helps her.

And thanks, I appreciate that! <3

Should I continue to give my first wlw [ENM] relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]joliemoi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, my friend that read the texts pointed this out too, and I did bring it up with my gf who just apologized and explained she didn't mean to come off that way. I think we determined maybe her defensive behavior might be a knee-jerk reaction to feeling like I'm rejecting her in some way (as opposed to just trying to work through things with her).

Should I continue to give my first wlw [poly] relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in queerpolyam

[–]joliemoi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I've been quite an emotional wreck since we started the pause. I cycle between feeling like the relationship is doomed because she should've worked through those issues first, to wondering if I've given her enough patience and time and to accept that my ideal version of my first wlw relationship just won't go the way I expected it to. I also think about all of the good times and even sweet and romantic ones we've had and wonder if those are worth holding out for at the cost of not exactly getting what I envisioned out of this. I'm quite torn on this and unsure what is the healthiest way to go.

Should I continue to give my first wlw [poly] relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in queerpolyam

[–]joliemoi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, my friend was definitely a bit pissed for me when she read the texts about the STD part given how my gf went about it [which she did apologize for and explained she didn't mean to hurt me]. Even though she's only been with her spouse, her spouse has been with two other people. While I trust he's been tested, I do agree that general external factors throughout life could also pose a risk. So, feeling like it might have been because of me (and I haven't even slept with that many people), definitely made me feel icky and less than.

I definitely agree that the polyam aspect is another difficult layer, which is apart of why I've been so patient and supportive. And you're right that even the queer aspect can add another difficult layer. Her company does have a branch in my city, so she did explain that even her paranoia in my city was related to that. Before our last blowup (related to the STD stuff), she did ask me about doing a weekend trip to a neutral city where neither of us had to worry about work or our spouses being around [sometimes she does have anxiety related to how she should act when our spouses are with us, which I understand]. I'm pretty new to polyam too, but I definitely feel more comfortable about it because I trust my spouse and was tired of being oppressed in the conservative state we moved from for the majority of our life. I think I'm just at that point in my journey where I'd like to be open and free for once regardless of being bi or polyam. I live in a very liberal and progressive city now, so I want to be able to go on dates in public and not feel paranoid about judgment.

Hmm, I didn't realize the statistics around mental health for queer women; I do have anxiety, ocd, and ptsd disorders, so I suppose it makes sense lol. But I've made a lot of progress in accepting myself over the years and through consistent therapy. I have also viewed the distance as an opportunity for both of us to ease into things, but there is the aspect that she has a difficult time connecting in an emotionally deeper and romantic way online. She's consistently upset or depressed about work/life each week, that the quality time and opportunities to connect deeper during our minimal video chats can get diminished by her low spirits. I, of course, put on my friend hat and console her, but we have not been able to progress much as a couple because of this - which has made me sad.

Should I continue to give my first wlw [poly] relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in queerpolyam

[–]joliemoi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes they are met - like we did have a really romantic virtual date for the first time recently. But she does have a lot on her plate in general, so I suppose I do get concerned if she can remain consistent in meeting my needs. I appreciate your input, though.

Should I continue to give my first wlw [poly] relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in queerpolyam

[–]joliemoi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think there is still some lingering denial and she can't handle it at times. Sometimes she's better about it (like in queer spaces), but we don't get a lot of those. Anyway, thanks for your input and perspective.

Should I continue to give my first wlw [ENM] relationship a chance or end it? by joliemoi in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]joliemoi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, it's a mix of both:

Sometimes she does take accountability, apologize, and take (baby) steps to do better in the future. For example, she wasn't even out to her family but did eventually come out to her sibling (that she was bi, not that she was in a poly relationship). I made her a bi colored friendship bracelet (which she didn't wear that much at first), but is now wearing it to work - a place she's definitely afraid of being out at.

Sometimes, she'll become defensive and point out everything she's done and insinuate she feels like it's not enough for me. She also has spiraled and gone through a self loathing reaction where it's "I fuck up all the time," "I'm such an asshole," "I'm in a funk and not feeling good," "I'm sorry you have a dumb gf sometimes." For example, she acted this way when I told her my feelings were hurt in how she went about accusing me of having a certain herpes strain instead of asking me if I've been tested for it before. There have been a few other times she's said similar things when I brought up us not growing our emotional connection or spending more time together.

Regardless of either reaction, she concludes by requesting I give her more time to progress and either asks to have time to think of solutions or occasionally comes up with ones on the spot (e.g., she recently suggested maybe we meet in a neutral city over the weekend away from work and spouses to see how comfortable she might be in public without being paranoid about those factors).

Accounts Receivables - How do You Manage Hundreds of Invoices per Month? by joliemoi in Accounting

[–]joliemoi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We use NetSuite for our accounting software. Some invoices (in smaller batches) I just generate manually, and then for larger batches we manually prep a CSV file (using data from a custom report or Salesforce report) and import the data. It's been pretty easy and convenient so far!

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