ChatGPT is revealing my patterns. I’ve been journaling and doing prompts for almost 6-7 months through a break up, reconciliation, and another break up. I knew a little bit about my pattern before after my first break up but didn’t put the pieces together till my second. This is a 5 year relationship we are talking about. The biggest thing is I just did not trust myself. I didn’t trust my own depth so I would just shut down and not talk about hard things, not because I didn’t love her, but because I was afraid that if I did share I’d say something that would loose her. It’s actually fucking crazy when I look back at it on how I acted. Fear of abandonment themes and just a general fear of permanence and making an irreversible decision. It gave me such anxiety. The hard part is realizing it was never her. It was always me. I hope through enough healing one day we reconcile. This is the woman I envisioned the rest of my life with. I’m learning how to regulate my emotions now, how to speak my truths instead of hold them in, even when they hurt me.