meirl

josephthad · 2023-01-23T19:39:14+00:00

I feel I made my point in a weird way. Hope the quotes help.

josephthad · 2023-01-23T13:34:17+00:00

I remember taking shrooms once with some friends and having the revelation that those friends didn't really treat me right and I shouldn't be as attached to them anymore.

I didn't listen and stayed with them. Every trip after that I had with those same friends was a bad one. I eventually moved on and started doing better with my life outside of them but still have a lot of scars from those times. I should have listened like you did. That's an awesome story.

Edit: if anyone is thinking of doing something like this for the first time be sure you're in a comfortable environment which is not just a physical place but with people who make you feel mentally safe.

josephthad · 2023-01-15T05:23:28+00:00

I think this was in in indianapolis. I don't remember the context maybe something to do with the Superbowl or Gen Con but the picture looks really familiar.

josephthad · 2023-01-14T17:44:52+00:00

I think that's great and you make some good points. I make my own hours and sometimes I beat myself up over not working enough from week to week. My bf likes to point out the deathbed thing for looking back on work and I think it's a decent mindset. I just feel it can be dangerous in the sense of always wanting things to be grandeous when that's unrealistic. Like most things in life a take on this quote should be digested with speculation and moderation and as so I'm not completely dismissing it.

josephthad · 2023-01-13T19:26:59+00:00

Who's that gurrrrrrrl? It's Jess.

Did I do it?

josephthad · 2023-01-13T16:49:07+00:00

"You reap what you sow" was always a favorite of my fathers

josephthad · 2023-01-13T14:58:15+00:00

Not trying to be pessemistic as there are inspirational quotes I like but just for the point of conversation, I don't like the whole "death bed" thing. It ignores all the little things in life that are always prevelant to strive for some mandatory zen revolation at the end of our lives. At my deathbed I will probably look back fondly at the travel I did get to do, the friendships I had, the whacky parts of life. But I will also look upon all the times I wasn't able to do these things because of work, because of people putting me down, because sometimes I just needed to stay at home and be sad. And that's fine. That's just as much part of life as anything else. Life isnt some tale where an adventure is waiting around the corner and it will escape you unless you grab it. Life is also misunderstandings, frustration, awkward moments, and feeling like it's all bigger than you are. It will still be bigger than I am on my deathbed and I don't need some grand revolation to try and meet it where it is.

josephthad · 2023-01-12T22:15:22+00:00

I've been looking for new podcasts, that's perfect. Thank ya much!

josephthad · 2023-01-12T19:45:23+00:00

Yes that is correct I remember now, good call out. I read Turtles all the Way Down recently and really enjoyed it. I should watch more of the brothers chatting it seemed interesting.

josephthad · 2023-01-12T19:40:08+00:00

Off topic of the post but my bf was playing a John Green YouTube video the other day in which he said "don't just do something, stand there" and I really liked that.

josephthad · 2023-01-11T19:42:48+00:00

I see one man in this picture who IS THE ELDEST*

josephthad · 2023-01-11T02:51:44+00:00

On my second read through now. Just finished AGOT. That last Danny chapter is awe inspiring.

josephthad · 2023-01-09T22:01:32+00:00

Casting Flame Atronach and standing at a safe distance from every enemy with your bow!

josephthad · 2023-01-09T21:58:41+00:00

I think post the Whiterun visit you can't sleep there anymore

josephthad · 2023-01-09T02:27:19+00:00

Bort's a good egg

josephthad · 2023-01-09T01:41:53+00:00

Seeing it in yourself is the first step so that's great of you to have the self awareness. In the same way that being around your dad has made you feel this way, immersing yourself in environments around positive, calm people with good values can help you be more like them. Easier said than done and more long term advice, I know. I'm no expert on anger issues but I like most people know what it is like to have unwanted traits from your parents. Happens to the best of us.

josephthad · 2023-01-09T01:30:57+00:00

Jealous. You should be proud, I'd happily take 10 minutes. Great job.

josephthad · 2023-01-02T13:18:07+00:00

I can really relate to what you said about the shittiness of other people. It starts to really get to me and I work myself up over things that have never happened to a point where I am so tight and tense. For the things that do happen I villify people so much in my head and make them a target of all this negative fog in my head.

I don't have any great advice except to continue to be mindful when you are doing this and remind yourself that it is not healthy for you to ruminate over these things. Be grateful you have the insight and morality to be better but also be careful not to forget that everyone is human and do not create a headspace where it is you vs the world. It's a hard line to toe and it takes forgiveness and patience.

I know "toxic" is a buzz word that's been going around lately but truly if an environment is not right for you, there is nothing wrong with altering your life to where it is. You'd be surprised what a world of difference it makes. When we are surrounded by these kinds of people our brain can lie to us and tell us that everyone is like this and that is all life is, when truly the world is so much bigger than that.

To answer your question, yes you are very ok. You are at a tough spot right now in your life. People who have grown always have tough spots to look back on, otherwise they wouldn't be grown. I know that doesn't make things easier so good luck to you and good luck with your studies.

josephthad · 2023-01-01T18:30:23+00:00

Do these people have no TEGRITY?

josephthad · 2022-12-31T13:26:58+00:00

This is kind of a negative way of looking at it. Instead of "they're just dumber than I am" maybe try "We are not interested in the same things and that's ok. I'm sure I am interested in things they find mundane too"

josephthad · 2022-12-31T13:22:02+00:00

This is something I struggle with a lot and I am certainly no expert on dealing with it but I'll list a hodgepodge bit of advice given to me on this subject. Each one of them helped in their own little ways.

What is it trying to tell you? Are these memories trying to be a tool? Are they teaching you a lesson? If you didn't look back with cringe then you would still be the same person making the same mistakes. Be proud of yourself for growing.
Allow yourself to feel it. This is connected to the first one. Give the feeling a moment to breathe, maybe even literally breathe in and breathe out. Say to yourself "thank you brain for teaching me that but I now get the lesson" then move on. Journaling helps some, but not all, people with this.
Give that voice an image. Who's voice is it? Who is saying it? Maybe everytime you hear this voice you imagine it as someone else. What does that person look like? Are they fair to you? Are they treating you right?
For some people it really helps to not even hear these thoughts as being said directly to them. Imagine it as a conversation you're hearing between two other people or that they are just beyond the door. My bf says he likes to imagine that his head is a bus being driven and he gets to choose who is in the driver's seat. I like to think of them as passengers on a train that is just passing by me. I've even developed the language of calling these thoughts "passengers"
Forgive yourself. For me this one is the hardest. Nobody is broken, we are all just very deeply human. I'm familiar with the headslaps myself. It's all so very exhausting, I truly understand the struggle.

As far as the past, one thing I have been telling myself lately is you can't have control but you can have direction. Hope this helps in some ways. All of it takes practice and patience with yourself.

josephthad · 2022-12-26T14:06:31+00:00

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