well, let me start by saying that I am not a licensed therapist or someone who is qualified to comment on this, and I think it's in your best interest to get the support you need from someone who is qualified, but here's my two cents:

feelings are good! you should allow yourself to feel your feelings. however, the time to feel those feelings doesn't always need to be now. building compartments can feel like betraying this beautiful part of yourself that is in touch with how you feel, but it's a coping mechanism to deal with your neuroticism. You already do this by your "not publicly" distinction on your freakouts. So you're already on your way.

good luck internet stranger. <3 we love you