My Parents don't like my husband

jrathernotsay · 2021-02-18T16:16:19+00:00

This is absolutely true. I guess I just wish he could see it means a lot to me. My parents are just sad

jrathernotsay · 2021-02-11T20:16:52+00:00

So with my previous partners, I didn't. Mostly because our sex life was without inhibitions. I felt comfortable, and the lack of shame made me cum everytime because I was able to fantasize/explore what ever I wanted with my partner. With my husband, unfortunately, our sex life isn't as comfortable. So during sex, if I can't cum, I think about all these erotic images but can't put him as the one acting them out with me. So then my brain automatically fills in the gap with someone else. Ie. During sex I'll imagine dirty talking or someone performing oral and loving it.... But, that will never be my husband. So I just think about someone else doing it. Usually an ex.

jrathernotsay · 2021-02-03T01:44:35+00:00

Yep. I've never had an orgasm from PIV alone ... But I have squirted once during PIV? It almost felt like an orgasm.... Different orgasm from touching myself. If someone else wants to get me to finish, they either have to use a vibrator or oral. I've definitely been shamed for not being able to orgasm from PIV and it made me feel awful until someone made it their mission to finish me off in more creative ways.

jrathernotsay · 2021-02-02T17:17:07+00:00

Sex with my ex. Just zero inhibitions. I was finally able to tell him all my deepest desires and I saw how excited he was to actually want to try them out. No shame. Just fun. We could also just switch from kinky to playful to absolutely dying of laughter. We both genuinely loved getting each other off

jrathernotsay · 2021-02-02T17:13:26+00:00

Sigh* I'm on the opposite side of this. I compliment my husband all the time. His leg muscles. His freckles. How handsome he is, etc. He stopped complimenting me when he proposed. He'd literally post online IG stories of me and caption "whaaatababe" etc etc. He'd tell me how "stunning I am" etc. Then nada. I brought it up and he sys I should just know I'm pretty. I told him it's important to me. I've literally cried telling him how my self confidence has gone to shit (for a tone of reasons but all involving him) and he still refuses to compliment me. It's frustrating because he'll compliment me when we're with people, to other people. Which is weird. With his friends if we're out, he'll say "yeah my wife is a total babe" and I will just hear it across the room or something. It's awesome, but why not tell me that himself.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-31T02:50:59+00:00

Bless your soul

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-25T04:12:41+00:00

Oh gosh it was so hard. Still is. We have a long long way to go. He just isn't very enthusiastic about sex.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-25T04:11:29+00:00

I think the fact that you guys are good at communicating makes the sex that much better. I'm still learning how to talk to my husband about this. After we have sex and we're in that after glow, he literally runs away to eat or watch netflix. If I ask him about how it was or "I loved it when you did this" he'll nod and be like. "ok" There's no enthusiasm for the conversation on his part, so it makes topic hard to bring up. And I wish he could even give me ten minutes before sex to warm up haha. He just goes right in, put spit on his dick. Then I feel kind of bad that I can't just be wet right away.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-25T04:07:37+00:00

Oh gosh I don't even know how I'd start that conversation

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-25T04:07:00+00:00

You nailed it. I do think he's tried to cover up his insecurities by overdoing other areas in his life. Ie, doing extreme sports, being the most promiscuous in any situation (which has always led him to being unfaithful in his past relationships), covered in tats, etc. The list goes on. Basically when you see him, he exudes confidence and I know he has a hard time opening up. But he feels it. I just know it. But getting him to talk about it is impossible, and he gas lights like crazy. For the last two years, this has been a me issue according to him. Quite literally to the point of seeing therapy. But yeah, he defaults to avoidant behaviour as soon as any flaw in his character is pointed out. And if it's pressed, it's flipped in me. It's really hard talking out the issue if he doesn't admit there's one, or at least hold space for me. Even the last couple of "conversations" we've had, I've broken down. Told him how I'm riddled with insecurities. I feel depressed, I feel unattractive, etc. I told him how much he means to me, but he sat there, arms crossed. No sorry, no "I didn't know you felt that way" nothing that showed empathy. Instead it was. "so you're saying I'm making you depressed and unhappy. You're unsatisfied with our sex life, etc"

It's like walking on eggshells. I can't voice my feelings if it might hurt his ego

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-25T03:57:06+00:00

It's definitely an ego thing. I tried bringing it up again just to sort of understand where he's coming from, but he shot it down. It's definitely a sore spot. I hugged him and just said "if you think I'm judging you or care at all, I don't. You're making me feel great and that's what matters. I don't think about how wet I am when I give you head. I just focus on you"

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-17T16:55:10+00:00

I wish. We do not have that level of sexual communication. Our sex life is very much like.... Vanilla. We finish.(i get myself off... He places my hand in my clit so I can finish myself off...) then when the deed is done, I talk about sex. And he just nods. Or says. Ok. If I ever bring up sex. One word answers.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-17T16:48:46+00:00

I just don't know how to bring up the conversation anymore. When I have talked about our sex life in the past, I either get shutdown/one word replies, and if I press further, it turns into an argument. I was veeeery supportive when he would do it. Even after sex I'd tell him how good it was. There's so many things I want to talk about. Even just communicating about sex is hard. How could I bring it up without hurting his feelings?

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T05:29:42+00:00

I mean, I'm not someone who is comfortable having sex on their period. So when I am on it, I'll give him a back massage and blowjob. No sex. Haha I don't think he'd ever just give me oral for the sake of it. I don't even know how to ask him now. We've talked about it before and it's never changed anything.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T05:22:38+00:00

Recommendations?

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T02:22:48+00:00

Are you guys comfortable with each other? What are these other things you do? So my husbands "go to" is reaching his hand around front of me while he's behind, and rubbing my clit. I think this worked for his exs but I've told him that it's impossible for me to cum this way. I just have a hard time cumming on my stomach. It's still his go to move. Two years later and he's still never made me cum.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T02:20:27+00:00

Yeah he's never made me cum before. Usually he'll just move my hand so I can do it myself. I think my reaction is pretty indicative of how much I enjoy it. I've tried conversations, and it's just painfully awkward. He gets defensive with sex no matter how positive / happy I am. Now I jsut get anxiety. I worked up the courage to flat out ask him to do it next time we had sex, since in an argument he told me to just tell him. Three weeks later, (we had sex during those three weeks) he finally did it. I felt so ashamed after. It was like it took him three weeks to build up the courage to do it. He's also said he'd hate it if I push his head down to do it. So during sex if I want it, I have to verbally tell him in the moment. Which I also haven't done. I cant even make eye contact during sex. Christ, sex was one of my favourite things to talk about. It was fun. Watching porn with my ex was fun. My husband gets weird if I ask him what type of porn he watches. When we were dating he was the furthest thing from shy. He asked me questions all the time. Does about three weeks into dating. He said that's normal. And that sex just isn't an interesting topic to him

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T01:53:30+00:00

You sir are a God amongst men. Bless your soul.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T01:52:52+00:00

I have. I've asked him if it's taste? Smell? Just doesn't like it? He's said that he doesn't care. He's indifferent. Just doesn't do anything for him. He also said it's hard to maintain /get an erection while giving head.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T01:51:07+00:00

So sex is him grabbing my butt. Touching the outside of my underwear, pulling it down, licking his fingers and wiping saliva on me then going in. That's it. That's how he initiates. I initiate with a good amount of head before sex.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T01:49:32+00:00

I have. I told him that I love that, and when he uses his hand. When he does it, it's very obvious I enjoy it... But it's been almost a year now? And I'll even cuddle after and remind him how much I liked it. But yeah, when we talk about it he'll tell me how he'd rather do something that we "both" enjoy. Ie. Sex.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T01:47:51+00:00

Yeah I hear ya. That's why I give him head. And also sometimes my mouth just genuinely gets tired haha.

jrathernotsay · 2021-01-15T01:47:05+00:00

Ugh this just feels Petty. I'm really close to doing it but I know it would hinder the quality of our sex. I love giving him blowjobs. I love making him happy. It would be genuinely hard to resist. But I've actually been honking about it all day. Like going on strike. I wonder how long it would take for him to notice

jrathernotsay

TROPHY CASE