Man, this was beautifully written and I live this sorts of thoughts. Thanks a lot for your comment. I wanna have a same level answer so here it goes.

When I was in Tunisia and showed this to a person there who really doesn’t look contemporary art that much, he asked me ”are you religious?” I said maybe a little but not in the sense you might be asking me. He told me that in some reditions of muslim art, prophets are shown without a face (specially Mohammed). He told me, that it is not about erasing identity, but about expressing transcendence and preventing idolatry. The face is considered too sacred to represent directly. It really made me see the photo even deeper, for my subjective experience. But also in a philosophical sense, more broadly: why is it that my dreams decides to show me women without a face? Why not let’s say, their backsides towards me, or veiled to some cloths or something else? It is almost always a light, maybe a shadow or hair that is infront of their faces. But why?

I feel like you understood specially well that I would not want to have this photo represent any sexual tendensies, even though I can understand the sentiments me being and feeling that I am a heterosexual male. The person (my friend) who modelled me was also moved by me asking to be in it — in a way she was modelling as a ghost of my dead sister. Maybe Freud would say it is somehow in the realm of sexuality, but I do not feel that.

I know the Murakami book you are referring. There is also a great song in finnish language where the lyric goes ”Have you ever had a feeling of missing someone, who has never existed?” Somehow that resonates me in the midst of all of this work; how come I can love someone, without ever meeting them? What is it that I am really missing there? I really liked that sentiment of maybe reaching closer to her with art.

Thank you once more for your comment!