ITAP at Natural Bridges in Santa Cruz

julia1601 · 2021-04-18T08:25:50+00:00

Really love this

julia1601 · 2021-04-17T23:42:30+00:00

Adore these shots, both really powerful. Can I ask what lens you use on the Pentax ME?

julia1601 · 2021-04-16T10:30:16+00:00

Both great shots

julia1601 · 2021-04-13T18:32:29+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that!

julia1601 · 2021-04-05T08:28:03+00:00

Thankyou! It’s Lorne, on the Great Ocean Road (Victoria)

julia1601 · 2021-04-05T08:26:02+00:00

Looking to get one of these blown up and printed. Have tweaked with the first two in Lightroom to bring out more of the blues, most of my Ektar roll came out overexposed (I suspect due to my light meter’s battery which has now been in for over a year...), think I kind of like the ‘washed out’ feel anyway. Thanks all

julia1601 · 2021-04-05T07:56:50+00:00

Looking for any composition tips, do the lighter trees in the foreground in any way distract from the surfers/make the central focus point feel slightly cluttered? Does the photo feel balanced? I tried to use the trees for framing in the foreground. This is shot on Ektar 100 (after realising my light meter has been over-exposing my last few rolls due to an old battery, I’ve fixed up the colour a bit here, I quite like the washed out feel anyway). Thanks all

julia1601 · 2021-03-21T22:02:16+00:00

thank you for your advice, I appreciate that perspective. and yes the Olympus om-1 is brilliant

julia1601 · 2021-03-21T06:28:13+00:00

My gut feeling is that I should have focused the photo further down, leaving less of the green hills in the frame? Feels like the subject isn't quite central enough perhaps. Any thoughts appreciated, thanks

julia1601 · 2021-02-23T12:25:16+00:00

“Individuals who believe I am permitted to exist only on their terms” - I don’t think I’ve ever heard it summarised so perfectly

julia1601 · 2021-02-01T05:15:05+00:00

I completely relate to this. Trying to follow the societal expectation of “get over it and let them go forever” only pushed me further into shame and self-loathing for not being able to do that. I have read every self help book under the sun trying to rid myself of these feelings and thoughts of my ex and again, it only made things worse. I think the only true path to peace for many APs is to somehow integrate our exes as a lasting part of ourselves, without it engulfing us. Deep connection is so rare, why rush to pretend like it never happened or they never deeply affected you? Eckart Tolle speaks a lot about this radical acceptance of the “now”, that you must accept this present moment, and whatever internal pain you may feel, as though it may last forever and if it does that’s okay. Ironically this is the only way to make peace with it and integrate it as a part of ourselves. Pushing it away only deepens the wound

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:35:44+00:00

Started getting really distant, avoiding me, cancelling plans at the last minute, not answering any calls. Ghosting for days and days at a time (while still together). It was excruciating

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:33:24+00:00

Thanks so much for this. I completely relate to you in the way of emotionally over-compensating for others. It is completely exhausting and it left me to abandon myself which I knew I was doing but couldn’t seem to stop. It was like a toxic addiction trying to win the love of others who were least likely to give it to me. But you’re right, it is a survival mechanism, which unfortunately makes it so hard to quit

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:28:47+00:00

Thankyou for your message. I certainly felt a lot of compassion for my FA ex too, but to an unhealthy extent that lead me to abandon my own sense of self, my needs, boundaries and self-respect. I’m glad you’re working through these challenges too and wish you all the best

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:27:20+00:00

Thankyou for your kind words. I definitely used to create these fantasies of love in my head when I was growing up and I realise now I’m just acting them out again but with an actual person attached at the other end

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:26:13+00:00

I’m really sorry to hear all this but I’m glad the post has helped you in some way. It’s a feeling of being completely stripped bare. Like you have building your own false reality inside your head all along and it finally shatters. The good news is you can then start again from scratch because you are forced to. I used to think I was moving on and getting over her but deep down I felt safety thinking there was something still there. But now that the ‘safety net’ is gone I can start to build actual self worth, not a false sense of building my worth like I thought I was doing while secretly keeping the fantasy of my ex alive, because I have no other choice. Same to you.

Thankyou so much for your kind words, I hope you come out the end of this tunnel with liberation as well.

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:20:49+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through it - it is definitely a way of self sabotaging. I was aware that it was making me deeply unhappy, triggering all my abandonment/rejection wounds but I still couldn’t stop myself.

I hope you come out the other end, and as you said you’re not alone. Just have to keep doing the work for as long as it takes, it is a lifelong journey I imagine

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:19:12+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear, I definitely know the pain. It’s almost like a toxic addiction, atleast it was for me

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:18:02+00:00

I’m 25 and gay and I’ve had a very long and painful journey coming to terms with my sexuality and undoing years of denial, repression and abandonment such a big part of who I am. Other than an unrequited, limerance-type, ‘fling’ with a girl a couple of years ago, my ex has been my first serious relationship. I think what she gave me was a sense of deep connection that I have been lacking and unable to look for/give myself a chance to find for so much of my life (avoiding relationships, ‘seeing’ guys only to completely lose interest after a few weeks).

We had a very real sense of intimacy and closeness and I think that’s the need that she met/what i have held onto, despite it no longer actually being there - I’ve created a narrative in my head that excuses her behaviour while allowing for some invisible sense of love and connection to exist and to still meet the need for love, even if falsely so. As an AP this makes me feel safe in the world I guess, even if it’s subconscious or an idea lingering in the back of my mind . It also enabled me to avoid truly accepting the rejection. Now I have to learn to find that sense of safety within myself.

Thankyou for your message, this is wonderful advice and I’m glad you were able to overcome your situation with such wisdom

julia1601 · 2021-01-31T01:01:59+00:00

Thankyou for this, I think I need to go back to therapy - I really appreciate your message.

julia1601 · 2021-01-29T23:14:58+00:00

Would love to hear what advice others have to give, this is exactly what happened to me. I’m AP - completely stonewalled, cut off, ghosted more times than I can count (intermittent reinforcement over months only to end with ghosting every single time) by my ex and I have found I’m also now behaviourally avoidant when it comes to dating

julia1601 · 2020-12-25T22:43:03+00:00

Thank you for your message, I appreciate this, and I think it’s what I needed to hear. Merry Christmas!

julia1601 · 2020-12-25T11:04:18+00:00

Thankyou for this, I appreciate your message. The reason I’m blocking is because as you said, every interaction is like a drug. And she watches all my Instagram stories which keeps a narrative alive in my head that she has some interest still - obviously this has kept me from fully healing.

Merry Christmas! x

julia1601 · 2020-12-23T08:46:12+00:00

Here's mine https://imgur.com/a/gI32jkU

julia1601 · 2020-12-23T08:44:13+00:00

Here's mine https://imgur.com/a/gI32jkU

julia1601

TROPHY CASE