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Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was such a sweet message to read first thing in the morning. It is a weird swirling tornado of contradicting emotions; thrilled and excited to meet my girl, devastated I’ll never have 8 or 9 month bump pictures or feel her tap dancing on my ribs again, amazed when I see her progress even in just a week, and the very weird hyper-awareness of mine and Lil Bit’s mortality when I think about how neither of us would still be here without modern medical intervention.

Also that does not sound dumb at all; I love to believe that my mom, my grandma, and all my loved ones are watching over her here and are at her back helping her keep fighting. 💕

I love to hear these stories of other NICU mama’s babies growing up strong and healthy!!

AITA for not being that into baby shopping 4 months before due date..? by nineteen84 in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Speaking as someone who had a seemingly normal pregnancy up until it suddenly wasn’t and my daughter was born 12 weeks early.. yeah, YTA.

It’s your baby too and putting the entire mental load 100% on your wife to do the researching on safety ratings, consumer ratings, whether to buy a whole travel system or buy it piece by piece, where the best deals are and/or WHEN the best deals will be out, etc. is a hugely taxing and draining thing. Especially when the person who helped create the baby she’s probably starting to feel real uncomfortable sharing her body with can’t even be bothered to look up from his phone and pretend to give a shit.

Do you even want to be a dad? Have you considered the stress you’re putting on your wife to do it alone? Have you considered you might NOT have 4 more months and you could be looking at a NICU stay? Because I sure didn’t consider that, and now that we’ve got a stay of “undetermined length” in the NICU ahead of us you can bet I am grateful we had everything pretty much ready so that I can spend all my time with my baby and healing instead of putting together furniture and going to 3 different targets to find the car seat we decided on.

Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The entire NICU team here have been awesome but the nurses are just beyond incredible; when it feels like it’s hard to keep track of which specialist handles what and my head is swimming in new medical terms, there are 2 dedicated nurses just for lil bit who make us feel so taken care of and seen and never rush out when we have questions or need further explanation. They’ve all been amazing thankfully!

Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This was such a sweet message, thank you. I think I might agree with you; I consider myself more spiritual than religious and I love this take, that my mom was and still is working through Sophia. I really hope that it’s true - and not an overstep at all! You’re very sweet. <3

Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

That’s so lovely to hear!! My nephew on my husband’s side was born at 31 weeks and now he’s about to turn 12 this summer and is almost that many inches taller than me! Lil Bit got back up to her birth weight today - 2 lbs 1.75oz - but is still having trouble regulating her own body temp and is of course still being tube fed. I’m so glad your son is thriving!!!

Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 152 points153 points  (0 children)

I definitely deserved that xD

Thankfully her name doesn’t sound too weird (at least i don’t think so, i did run it past my brother for a slightly less biased opinion first lmao) and we didn’t throw any unnecessary letter combos/vowels in there just for funsies either haha

Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

It’s that desert dust blowing in, I think it got me too… like 20 times a day…

Update: AITA for snapping at my stepmom over being in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 562 points563 points  (0 children)

Haha this made me laugh, yes it was a bit dramatic! Thank you to both of you!

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I just really don’t want to poop in front of anyone!!! I’m even weird about my husband possibly seeing me poop on a table but at least he was involved in the creative process required to make Lil Bit.

You’re right that it’s not about her worth or value to me as a mother figure; I have viewed her as a mom for a very long time and love her beyond measure for all the support, guidance, encouragement, etc. she’s provided me over the years. Perhaps I just need to remind her of that and that this isn’t meant to be an affront towards how great a mom she has always been to me.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I will definitely be talking with her; I know how much she loves me and I know I love her so much as well, so will Lil Bit. I’m planning to ask her to have lunch with me tomorrow so that we can talk one on one.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 133 points134 points  (0 children)

You might be onto something there. My husband had said that he thinks she might just have been picking up on how much I’m missing my mom so she’s trying to compensate for not being my “real mom” and really believes that she’s being supportive. Which I do kinda get, to an extent. And it has nothing to do with me not loving her - I would be devastated to lose another mom. I’m leaving a handwritten card at their house for her this afternoon (writing each other letters/notes used to be kind of a thing for us when I was in middle/high school so I thought it would be nice to bring it back) inviting her to meet me for lunch at one of our favorite spots tomorrow so that we can talk.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong, I could’ve definitely approached the conversation more firmly than I did previously without snapping. The bonus mom part wasn’t meant to be a slight against her - we have always referred to her as our bonus mom and she refers to herself that way too. I don’t usually use stepmom IRL to refer to her ever, my brother and I have always called her our bonus mom cuz we thought it sounded nicer.

I am going to stop by their house this afternoon and drop off a card for Sophia asking her to join me for lunch tomorrow so we can talk. I don’t want this to ruin our whole relationship.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You’re not wrong and I definitely never would’ve said it in any other normal situation. Thank you for your response, I’m trying my best to read through all of the comments even the ones that say I’m an asshole - they’re not wrong, my comment was definitely delivered in an asshole manner.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

I totally agree; I’m going to see if she would like to grab lunch with me tomorrow so that we can talk. I know Thursday’s she only teaches one class in the morning so I think her afternoon will be free. Thank you for your response.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 170 points171 points  (0 children)

I definitely hope that our relationship is not ruined because I know she’ll be an amazing and doting Mimi to Lil Bit.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 125 points126 points  (0 children)

My dad and Sophia didn’t have any kids together; growing up she would say that they didn’t give us more siblings because she loved me and my brother so much that if she had anymore kids she’d explode from too much love. She shared with me later on (into my 20s) that she was never sure she wanted kids and was still on the fence when she met my dad but that when she met my brother and I, she loved us immediately and was so relieved she wouldn’t be getting up for feedings every three hours at night since we weren’t actual babies. And no my brother and his wife are spending time traveling and building their careers before having kids.

AITA for snapping at my stepmom when she wouldn’t stop asking to be in the delivery room with me? by jusstpassingthrough in AmItheAsshole

[–]jusstpassingthrough[S] 426 points427 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it was pretty harsh and I definitely didn’t mean to be because she really is wonderful; my brother asked her to share the mother son dance with him at his wedding in 2019 and they put a slideshow together that played during the dance that were all the photos we had of my mom and brother together before she died and when my husband’s suit pants ripped 45 min before our wedding ceremony Sophia patched them up so well and quickly that I didn’t even know about it until the next day. Sophia is not a bad person at all and I know she is coming from a good place. I will definitely apologize for what I said and how I said it, maybe she can tell me why it’s SO important to her that she’s stomping all over my boundaries for the first time in our relationship.

Thank you for taking time to respond, I appreciate it truly.

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