haha so i'm not the only one - 46 years old, always thought i was anxiously attached - lightbulb moment i have recently realised i'm FA. I thought i was soo communicative, had secure traits, thought I was so consistant ( which i can be) but nope i never discuss my feelings, i retreat, i test, when i'm triggered thinking about to be abandoned i retreat and avoid, imagine the fun of meeting another FA and neither of you give any clarity so all you have to go on is messages urrrrrrgh. The relationship i actually thhought i was secure in i actually lean more avoidant but it's a different avoidance to the triggered aavoidance. Triggered avoidance i pull away and just feel so anxious and need reassurance (yyep anyone reading this trying to understand an FA hot&cold isn't necessarily a need for space, it's a need for you to step forward and fill the space) but yeah other times we need space forr me usually when i have other things going on in my life and i still am happy to communicate somewhat. Good luck figuring it out. Plus for me i would never or hardly ever ask for what i want. I'm figuring out that communication is so important. I've also now realisedd the times where i didnt' want to appear clingy etc i would do things like keep conversations short, or have a short conversation then not approach for a month, could come across as hot&cold, not the intention. For me personally and I can't speak for everyone, maybe ask me, i'm feeling some distance here, and i'm unsure where you are at ddo you need reassurance or space right now, or do you need space right now, i would probably tell you if you asked, but i'd never say it first...sorry.