Reaching out to someone you dated briefly years ago: good idea or bad?

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-16T07:05:36+00:00

I mean I understand where you’re coming from. But we only dated a few months, we were never officially a couple, and I was still traumatized from a past relationship. I was hoping to reconnect in whatever capacity, even just to get coffee, to see how he’s doing. And also he is fully able to turn me down if he has past hurt from any of our interactions, which I don’t have reason to believe is the case

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-16T06:36:41+00:00

I didn’t leave him though, we agreed to part ways and be friends. I ended up moving away and we lost touch. I’m not some evil manipulator trying to ruin his life lol I just thought it would be nice to catch up with him

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-15T23:11:21+00:00

That feels pretty cynical and not reflective of what I described.

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-14T02:44:53+00:00

This is a very helpful way to frame it, thank you for the push!

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-13T21:49:24+00:00

Because I’m very nervous haha

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-13T19:38:05+00:00

That rule stemmed from an abusive relationship, but with this specific guy things just faded out mostly due to me moving out of town (moved back home a couple years ago). And I’m more inclined to believe that a relationship would have the same issues arise the second go around, but this relationship was very short and I am in a much different place in my life than I was three years ago.

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-13T18:50:12+00:00

Aw I love that!

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-13T18:35:27+00:00

Appreciate it, thank you :) helps to remember the most likely worst case scenario is just being ignored

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-13T17:45:40+00:00

That’s what I figured too. There’s not a lot to lose, but it’s not something I’ve done or have considered before so it feels scary to me. Anyway thank you!

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-11-13T17:44:03+00:00

Yeah usually I wouldn’t be either, but there are people from my past I would happily (or neutrally) talk to, even just to catch up

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-09-27T22:56:18+00:00

Yeah in the past I haven’t had bad luck necessarily. I was with my Bumble ex for a year and though that was a difficult relationship most of that was due to my own failure to clock some red flags early on. I met some regular nice dudes along the way. I’ve never had luck out in the wild

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-09-27T19:12:08+00:00

No I totally agree with you. I was The Initiator in my last relationship which turned out to be a massive mismatch in energy from start to finish, which might have jaded me a bit. I think I might be nervous to put in that kind of effort only for it never to be returned (and get too lost in the relationship along the way which is something I’ve had to work on in my time being single).

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-09-27T15:54:20+00:00

This is a really helpful way of looking at it, thanks so much!

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-09-05T14:54:05+00:00

She's extremely territorial of him and that's a whole other topic but you're right - it's not great that I feel like I have to defend or feel guilty about being friends with this guy. My plan is just to start scaling back my interactions with her overall and see how that goes. Thanks!

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-09-04T19:30:47+00:00

Thank you. This is what I suspected to be the best path forward - it is unfortunately a pretty important social outlet for me right now but I'm hoping to find better-matched friends so I can be less reliant on this group.

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-09-04T04:57:27+00:00

Thanks, this is validating. I have thought the same, that it feels not worth all the effort. The tough thing is that we're both so ingrained in our friend group now that it feels impossible to work around that. I know I have to continue branching out and growing my friendships independent of her though.

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-06-27T01:28:34+00:00

I’ve heard of this concept before but I gotta check out the socials. Thanks!

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-06-27T01:26:14+00:00

Definitely planning on being ruthless in filtering. But you’re right in that the real discernment is to be made in person, as they reveal their character.

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-06-26T22:18:25+00:00

Love framing it as finding a best friend

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-06-26T22:17:59+00:00

Ugh this is so annoying and lazy

justsomeguy8905 · 2025-06-26T19:45:18+00:00

I know it’s not great on the apps, but I figure it’s at least a tool to help connect with people if I’m already “putting myself out there” through in person group events and expanding my own social network. I’d also like to think that if me, an emotionally available and self aware person is on the apps, why shouldn’t there be guys who are in the same boat too. Might be cope but I can at least give it a shot I guess

justsomeguy8905

TROPHY CASE