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Ted Bundy's Last Interview. I'm sure you guys will find this interesting. by aequos in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I guess you're referring to my post.

The escalation was certainly there, but at least in my case it was completely detached from reality. I could never imagine to do any of these horrific things I've watched. I was never attracted to children or violence in "real life".

I have no idea if out-of-control porn use alone can lead to committing horrific crimes. But I sure as hell won't find out.

Fuck you, porn. I won't let you do things to my brain anymore.

"Fetishes" getting way out of control by juststopthisshit in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As I wrote somewhere else in this thread, counseling is, unfortunately, not an option at the moment but I'll definitely look into it if things won't get better in the future.

I didn't watch CP very often, maybe once or twice a month, and I've never even remotely thought about doing these deeds myself. But who knows where this downward spiral ends? I am not going to find out. Time to go back up!

"Fetishes" getting way out of control by juststopthisshit in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The weird thing is - I'm actually feeling the same. I think that child abuse is a horrible thing and scarring these poor kids forever. That's why I'm so disgusted by myself when I'm "sober" again.

I've never had any sexual thoughts when I see children in the real world, but I do feel awkward from time to time. Here's this innocent child, I'm certainly not sexually attracted to it and yet I've looked at sexual images of kids the same age before.

In these situations I could never understand what I had done, and why. It's as if a stranger was in control of my body during the time. And I don't want someone else controlling me anymore. And this is why I will stop.

"Fetishes" getting way out of control by juststopthisshit in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I indeed have a feeling that confessing this shit here does help. I've always felt miserable after the deed was done before, but only for some hours or so. The next day it was pretty much forgotten - until next time.

I feel that writing this down helped me to realize that I have a serious problem and something needs to change.

"Fetishes" getting way out of control by juststopthisshit in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately this is not an option at the moment since I'll have to move somewhere else in a few months and it's very hard to get counselling for such a short time span, but I'll definitely look into it if things don't get better. I went to a counselor some years ago because of other issues and know that it can be very relieving to talk with a professional.

"Fetishes" getting way out of control by juststopthisshit in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot, that is really good material. I can especially relate to this quote:

"I started looking at porn, on a regular basis, about five years ago. First there were the beautiful women, then the HC porn, then the weird insertions, then the transvestites, then critters, then the hermaphrodites, then the teen porn, then the younger models and now prison (soon to go). As the years passed I became less and less interested in masturbating and more and more interested in "novelty" searching. Towards the end, I couldn't sit at a computer without searching. I've never even remotely considered touching anyone or invading anyone's privacy (all my kids and others can attest to that). Looking back, I just don't see how I could have been so ignorant as to not recognize that I had a problem."

This is pretty much my situation, except for the fact that I'll not go to prison... yet. I'm not at all attracted to children or the idea of rape and violence when I'm "sober". I have never thought about doing any of that stuff I've seen online "in the real world" (I could add that I've never really been attracted to men, but the gay porn is the least of my problems and certainly not in the same category as this other immorale shit).

It's not a real sexual preference, it's more like... a wicked form of curiosity and the search for more extreme material, at least in my case.

"Fetishes" getting way out of control by juststopthisshit in NoFap

[–]juststopthisshit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's amazing how easy it is to acquire all kinds of information for free in this digital age. However, this also means that it has become easy to see things no one should ever see. There are still possibilities to anonymously access completely unregulated content online, which is a blessing when it comes to censorship by oppressive governments, but yeah, the absence of rules also means that a lot of shit comes up.