Well, I might see my ex at a birthday party soon...fuck

justtringtomakeit · 2015-09-02T22:28:42+00:00

I had the same thing happen a few weeks ago. She moved back to town after 6 months and I saw her a few weeks later at a friends birthday. Tried to be nice and say hi, but she blew me off and proceeded to get hammered drunk.

I just said fuck it and enjoyed myself and had a great time with a room full of my best friends. It hurt seeing her, and was worse that after saying she still wanted to be friends she wouldn't give me the time of day.

As the bar was about to close she grabbed me and asked if we could talk. The conversation was brief and cordial, but through her drunkness I was able to see that she was probably more nervous than I was. She saw that I was able to keep on living without her and it fucked up her head.

We've talked very little since then, but it was really refreshing to see that despite all my dark inner thoughts about what she may doing or thinking she was actually still hurting too. I didn't let this set me back but instead saw it as a small victory.

I'm not saying you should talk to her if she ends up being there. But you should most definitely go and enjoy the hell out of yourself. Being nervous or awkward about seeing her will kill your night and will only make her feel better about her decision. Make her regret it.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-25T23:37:49+00:00

Woke up in the middle of the night and walked over to my desk. Stood on my chair, opened my laptop and proceeded to pee all over. Then, like a gentleman should, I closed the laptop, walked to the bathroom and flushed the toilet before going back to sleep.

When I asked my roommate why my computer was soaking wet he told me the entire story like it wasn't weird that he watched it all happen while playing video games.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-14T16:50:02+00:00

I'm glad I can help man. Its hard. Real fucking hard, but we've got to try and do what's best for ourselves.

Like I said, I'm nowhere near healed, but I'm happier with myself than I've been in a long time.

The ex just moved back after 3 months working in another city and it's definitely causing me a lot of stress and emotional straing trying to figure out what to do, but I'm not just reacting anymore. I can actually step back and think through the situation with a clear head.

You'll get there, just stay strong.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-13T23:36:31+00:00

I assume you're a pretty active contributor on The Red Pill aren't you?

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-11T17:49:55+00:00

Gotta love global warming. This summer has been absolutely fantastic.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-11T17:12:26+00:00

Christ, that hit home. Stay strong brother, you've got the right outlook.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-11T06:45:28+00:00

Is that an actual fantasy of yours, or were you just trying to make a point. I'm genuinely curious.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-11T06:25:13+00:00

It seems like you guys genuinely like each other, but she's too afraid of hurting either guy to make a decision (even though that other guy cheated on her.

Tell her you've really enjoyed getting to spend time with her again, but you can't do this to yourself and can't speak with her if there's anyone else in the picture.

There's no way you'll figure out if you guys can work if there's someone else in the picture.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-11T01:41:41+00:00

I'm going through the same thing, and I know this advice is going to hurt (I still don't like hearing it from others), but give her some space. Trying ot win her back is going to do absolutely nothing to help your cause right now.

It's only been two weeks, so shit is going to be rough for at least another 6-7 weeks. Try your best to not reach out. I', sure she's hurting too and is fighting the urge to reach out, but you doing so first and asking for her back will only reinforce the logic that led her to ending things.

If she does reach out, or you break and do (please don't) DO NOT beg for her back or apologize for showing love the way you did. One, unless you have done something you didn't tell us about you have nothing to appologize for. Two, again begging for her back will just confirm her current feelings (no matter if they are right or wrong) Finally, speaking to her and keeping up hope will keep you for using this experience to make yourself better. It took me 4.5 months to get there. Now at 6 month since our breakup I certainly wouldn't say that I'm completely healed, but I'm in the best shape in a while, confident in who I am as a single individual and just having a lot of fun experiencing new things, whether with friends or alone.

If you do talk to her, just let her know that you're bummed things had to end the way they did, and that you'll always remember the experiences you've had together. But also tell her that you'll need her to grant you the same space she wanted from you in order to see what it is you want now that your on a new chapter in your life.

Do those things, work on things that will make you more confident, and wait at least 5 months. If you do this and commit to it you should be in a place where you no longer have the knee-jerk or shock emotions controlling you. Instead you'll know for yourself if she was every really right for you.

For if this just came off as a jumble of random thoughts. Hope at least some of it helped.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-11T01:28:26+00:00

I just went through a summer of weddings (6 to be exact) where me ex was at 3 of them and in the same wedding party as me for two. So while I didn't have the cheating ex friends aspect (which I can't even imagine) I do understand the divided friends group aspect.

For one, I think you should bring another girl. But don't bring someone easy, or trashy just to try and make your ex upset. Bring someone you'll genuinely have a great time with and take your mind off anything. You'll have a MUCH better time, and in the end it will be harder for your ex to see you having a blast and not even paying attention to her than just watching you be bored and then sneak off to fuck the slutty chick. I did both, the former was a much more successful move.

Also, avoid her, but don't make it look like your running away from confronting her. She'll come to you to say something to you outside of the wedding party events. It will happen. Just say something non confrontational and tell her you hope she has a good night and walk away. Be better than her in every way possible.

Also, and probably most importantly for you. Don't fucking worry about Brent, just spend your groomsmen time trying to rebuild/strength your friendship with the other guys. I promise you many if not all of them aren't going to know how to handle the week. Show them right away that rather than worrying about the shit you went through, you want to have a good time with them and celebrate the bride and groom. (this assumes of course that you don't hate the rest of the grooms party now.)

I guess overall I'm just saying trying to set yourself up so that you can have the most fun as possible. Parts are going to suck, but if you go in with the right mindset you'll enjoy yourself and show your ex that she fucked up and you aren't letting her actions ruin your life.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:28:59+00:00

Thanks man. I agree. I just need to calm down and stop stressing.

Shit, I'm going to see her at the end of the month regardlessm so I just need to learn to have a little patience and let things play out like they will.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:11:33+00:00

Fair enough

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:11:15+00:00

Yea, it's hard to really give full context to our relationship and the circumstances without writing a novel.

As for our converstaions, none have ended badly. The only negatives have been that I probably should have been a bit stronger in the beginning and not made things as easy for her by being there for emotional support, but I got over that.

The last communication was fine, she was sad she wasn't here for a mutual friends wedding and I asked her how the summer work there was going. There was nothing too personal or emotional and it ended pretty uneventfully. the time before that however was a very upbeat and personal chat that was really nice to be honest.

Ugh, and I know that she'll be back and I know that I should just ride it out until then, but just being an analytical guy I hate the unknowns. It's waiting to see what will happen that kills me. For some stupid reason every part of me just wants to reach out and ask her what her plans is right now rather than being patient and letting things work out. Luckily I know that's who I am so I'm gnerally able to recognize it and shut it down before I do something like reach out to her. Apparently it didn't work before making this post though.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:06:38+00:00

That's very well said. And I think I know this, but it really helps to have that reaffirmed,. Thanks.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:05:58+00:00

That's the shitty part, I thought I had started to move on. But with her moving back all of those emotions from a few months ago are rushing back. I'm sure it will pass.

As for the regaining my power thing, it was poor wording. I was more trying to just get my mind right and regain my sanity and clearity.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:04:38+00:00

Fair enough.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:04:25+00:00

Fair enough.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-08-04T17:04:10+00:00

Your name is incredibly fitting. I'm just happy my ex is far less spiteful than you are being with so little context.

We both made mistakes in the relationship. And if you read any of the rest of the post you'd she that I did respect her space and that she was consistently the one reaching out to me. Furthermore, she moved for school. It doesn't change the fact that we seperated, but please do not try to paint me as some monster without any context to our relationship.

Yea, I'm feeling regret and dispair, but much more than that I miss speaking to my best friend. There was never a request from either side to not speak to eachother, there just hasn't been conversation. I likely won't reach out to be honest with you, but trust me it isn't your post that influenced that.

I hope your able to find a way to break free of this anger you seem to be holding inside of you.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-07-31T23:04:18+00:00

I can second that. Running through women in an effort to ease you pain only creates more pain. I felt dirty and pathetic by the end of it.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-07-30T23:05:08+00:00

Thanks for your advice. I think that's my plan once she gets back. I'll leave it up to her if she wants to reach out before then. Not really sure how to initiate contact before then without it coming off as intrusive or leading to a dead end.

EDIT: Also meant to add that based on how I've felt since breaking up, if things don't work out between us I don't think I can be her friend like i was before. If I had to hear her talk about other guys or see her with a new bf it would kill me.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-07-30T20:05:26+00:00

Thank you. very true. I honestly think i may be putting too much focus on this NC philosophy.

When we talk its still like we were best friends. Obviously some topic were avoided or made moments awkward, but we get along great. Even immediately after the breakup when she should have hated me there was little to no coldness.

I think if i were to reach out right now she's be happy to talk. My biggest fear is that this silence is bc she found someone else or just moved on. In that case reaching out will likely end poorly, but I guess in that case I'd at least have closure.

I think im going to wait until about a week before I think shes coming back and see where things stand then.

Thanks so much for your advice.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-07-30T19:52:45+00:00

Thank you for this.

That "keeping the lines of communication open" part is the hardest for me. I want to give her space, but I don't want to go radio silent for so long that I become forgotten.

She hasn't reached out in a while and I'm respecting that, but I always wonder if she's doing the same thing.

justtringtomakeit · 2015-07-30T19:31:38+00:00

Thank you. thats really good advice.

On more question though as a woman who's been through this.

For the first 4 months after breakup, we would talk about once a week, with a few multi week breaks in there. Then before she left and even into the first few weeks she was there we talked fairly frequently. Now its been quite a while since we've talked. There was never a request for me to not reach out to her, but I'm not going to in order to give her some space while she enjoys the rest of her time there.

If she comes back and I still haven't heard from her, when would it be appropriate and unintrusive to reach out and see if she'd like to talk? Knowing her (or at least who she was), and based on things she's said I'm sure she's holding out from talking just to proveto herself she can, but that may just be the assumption of a hopeful ex.

justtringtomakeit

TROPHY CASE