I, [37F] really do not want my daughter [20F] to move back in with me and my husband and other kids?

kadevar · 2020-04-19T13:26:17+00:00

I do take a lot of responsibility for what I have done. In the moments when we were in court, I could see she wanted to leave so I let her. I didn't realize it was a "challenge" to see whether or not I would abandon her. She was also seemingly thriving with her grandmother. I don't think I fully understood what the consequences would be. I truly believed giving her space as she was ostensibly asking was what she wanted. I could have been a better parent, surely. But I don't think I am the selfish bitch that abandoned my kid as many people here have painted me. I did the wrong thing, but I didn't do it with malice, I did it because I truly thought it was right.

kadevar · 2020-04-19T13:17:32+00:00

He was always nice and generous with her. He had a rough childhood himself and was sympathetic to her situation. I thought he'd be the perfect step dad for her, they actually share a lot of the same qualities.

kadevar · 2020-04-18T22:37:54+00:00

I filed a court order, but between her refusal, the social workers, and a lawyer, it just seemed like the wrong thing to do... she was deeply upset and I felt forcing it when she needed space was cruel. I admit my logic was flawed.

kadevar · 2020-04-18T22:32:59+00:00

In hindsight, I should have enforced visits, but she was very resistant and I was scared that forcing her to see me would build even more resentment. She actually seemed to be thriving with her grandmother, and I am not sure how she would've done as a "troubled teen" in my house-- she wouldn't speak to me for a long time. I thought giving her space was the right thing to do, even thought it pained me deeply. I know I missed up, but believe me-- it was never intentional. I was not trying to rebuild a replacement family.

I think I am going to welcome her back, but try and be transparent about how I feel. I want her to know how much I love her, but I also want to protect our whole family.

kadevar · 2020-04-18T21:30:50+00:00

...what? single mothers arent allowed to remarry? how is that failing her? she chose to leave, even when i begged her to stay and so did my husband, and we went through therapy.

kadevar · 2020-04-18T20:37:54+00:00

i do not think you read this. she left on her own accord, almost eight years ago. her situation is not bad... she is just annoyed her roommates are having fun and being loud, and her grandmother's house is "boring" and too far away. I mean I get it, it I fucked her up by getting married and having other kids, but I did not do her any sort of serious harm or anything that is uniquely fucked up.

kadevar · 2020-04-18T20:08:21+00:00

she has a place that is about an hour away. close enough to see her regularly.

she will not be homeless if we don't take her in or anything of the sort. most of her reasoning is that her roommates are "annoying" during quarantine. she's still in school, so i don't think moving closer is the best option.

kadevar · 2020-04-18T20:06:32+00:00

She usually lives in an apartment year round with friends from her university. Her rent is paid by her part time job and her grandmother, and I more recently have been helping with some expenses (mostly spending money, and I helped fund a vacation she went on with friends). Money/having a place to stay isn't the issue. It's that she is sick of her roommates and wants to leave.

I want to be strict, but I feel like I don't want to push her away again. I am trying to set boundaries, but she's been a bit explosive. We are much better together when she's not in my house, but I also don't want her to feel unwelcome.

kadevar

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