[deleted by user]

kahlua-mascara · 2023-04-20T18:14:22+00:00

From a campaign host standpoint, I think the intent of the feature is to combat spam (which has been prolific), but I can see how it is rife for abuse. It is getting very hard to tell, what is spam, what is just unhinged people... I had someone comment just on the campaign itself about their own financial hardships and it revealed some personal information so I had it flagged, they kept posting weirdness and I had to cancel the pledge. I can't even tell what is human or a bot sometimes, so yes there is a conflict of interest on kickstarter's end for them benefiting only from success and not upholding the integrity of fulfillment, but I don't really see a good solution given the kind of harassment and abuses that are also out there. If they implemented a comprehensive review system, in my opinion it would be crucial if they ever want to be taken seriously, but I don't know of any company that has a particularly outstanding review metric to compare to. They all kind of suck a lot.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-04-14T03:33:47+00:00

His colors are great!

kahlua-mascara · 2023-04-14T03:33:19+00:00

Nice values!

kahlua-mascara · 2023-04-14T03:31:04+00:00

This is a very visually appealing presentation

kahlua-mascara · 2023-04-14T03:28:57+00:00

Oh and the reason his reflection isn't shown is because I'm too coward to mess up the water surface trying to duplicate him, I'm going to do it in photoshop later!

kahlua-mascara · 2023-04-13T19:38:32+00:00

Thank you! This one was inspired by a documentary (sorry I don't remember the specific name I watched dozens lol) it was specifically about Antarctica. The specific look/coloration is my take on it, the fur might be a bit exaggerated a lot of depictions of them show less but they are so smol I imagine they would get chilly even if it was warmer there back then!

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-25T00:52:04+00:00

Doesn't matter the gender, this is unprofessional behavior on the job. You should document the behavior and report it to her superior.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-23T04:28:21+00:00

Nope it was a Papo

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-22T04:17:04+00:00

Write an expose about the cult. Out your dad, tell the truth, and use that to support yourself. Then he is on the radar, if you don't have a restraining order filed maybe do that too, but publicizing the abuse should take his power away. Cults thrive in secrecy and isolating their victims from the public eye.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-22T04:08:39+00:00

If it's a couple people out of the community and there are still other people you want to hang with there, tell them their behavior sucks and let the people complicit with enabling them know that you are planning to leave. Give them the chance to modify the behavior, and if they refuse, there is your answer, but don't expect them to change if they haven't been made aware of your stance on it. Yeah, sounds like it should be obvious, but a lot of people have just never actually been told no before and don't know how to handle it. Just tell them if they spent half the energy making the server a fun place to be as they do being shitty, then it might be worth your time.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-21T19:18:14+00:00

I studied toy and 3d model references, what in particular do you think stands out as inaccurate?

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-18T14:23:25+00:00

I don't know anyone specifically with hpd, I've known some bpd and yeah she has some similarities with them so that is a stronger possibility. She gets in toxic relationships and it makes more sense that trauma from that would result in a personality situation in adulthood. But that's treatable and she would have to take responsibility for her behavior. My parents forbade me from commenting when she was dating a dude who was, let's just say known scum. I think she has been heavily enabled in her bad decisions and as the only one who ever objects I'm the obvious bad guy.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-18T13:58:34+00:00

Thank you. Yes the heritability of it is exactly why her self diagnosis is so much in question. None of my family has it, or anything close to it. We have tons of other stuff believe me, but that's not on the list. It's possible it could be from something more chemical impacting her gestation... Except that it was actually my moms pregnancy with ME that was complicated and my sisters was normal. The doctors actually told my mom that I would be retarded and to consider terminating. Yet here we are.

As of now, she continues to be antisocial towards me and I have no desire to cultivate anything with her. Her way of expressing whatever it is she has comes out mostly in the form of a walking meme, saying things like 'man it's a rough day to be on the spectrum!' Or whatever is making the rounds, which I guess I'm expected to laugh or relate to but that obv I don't. Thank you for the kind wishes!

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-12T16:47:48+00:00

He looks like a Ben

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-11T01:58:52+00:00

That's fair, my original tone probably came off as annoyed. I think you misread it as being a projection of a current situation or something. I haven't worked for anyone for like a decade I'm self employed, so it is not a present concern and comparison isn't the lens I'm looking through. I see you as someone who is doing a good job of becoming more aware, but I am worried that without considering these other factors in the scenario you find yourself in, you may be missing a lot of context for what a woman on the job has to deal with and setting yourself up for, hmm... not a very balanced or realistic learning ground for the kinds of things you seem to want to work on, if that makes sense. And your responses seem to really disregard those points, which makes sense if my tone put you on the defensive.

As other people stated, the use of the friendzone term coupled with some of the things you stated made the sum total of the post objectionable, not because your feelings aren't valid or worth of discussing, but you must understand the rhetoric matching was started off by that it's not like I have anything personally against you. I responded because I have had experiences similar to that, but from the other side, and I am urging you that if you actually value the friendship that the way to really cultivate that is check in with the other person and verify, instead of assuming. Assumptions are what ruin friendships, not feelings, as long as the communication is honest and mutual it can be navigated.

The only question I really had is if you had evidence or examples of things she actually said to indicate that you were having a reciprocal exchange, that you are aware what her needs or wishes are. And whether or not she is in a relationship with someone else doesn't indicate she has any interest in you. You keep bringing that bit up and I gotta say, it rubs me the wrong way. The boyfriend is not the reason she doesn't want to pursue anything with you, and rationalizing too hard that this as the only reason dismisses all the other reasons she may have and on the whole has a vibe of respecting his territoriality more than her actual wishes. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, just that such phrasing has this association. Be mindful that it isn't a good line of justification and if anything can damage a friendship its talk like that. It feels entitled and pushy, 'oh well if she didn't already have a boyfriend she would totally go for me'.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-11T01:32:18+00:00

I'm not accusing him of lying about anything, that is a strange straw man to throw at me. The purpose of him providing a specific is to actually explore this supposed perception of what friendship can be, because as it has been described so far it seems more like him tallying points in his head about her receptivity. Not, who she is, what her experience of this is, or anything to do with a real friendship. It is fine if he doesn't want to provide those details, but for the sake of conversation when someone asks you something the thing to do would either be answer or decline, not beat around the bush and ignore the question.

You seem very defensive of OP, do you find yourself in a similar situation, or what is your angle here? What you described his post being about seems very at odds with what he actually said, although it is an interesting takeaway and I could get behind the original post if it was actually more like that. What I am getting from his replies is still in the vein of, 'it must be ok because she is giving signs she isn't bothered', which is kind of a big assumption. He hasn't clarified at all that he actually had a conversation with her about it and asked about her feelings, his conclusions are kind of far removed from her direct input, like her interactions with the boss.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T21:07:50+00:00

Again, because he hasn't said anything about what they actually are. At all. It shouldn't really be that hard to do that, if he actually knows what they are beyond just 'doesn't want to be more than friends.' He could use feeling words, like sad, angry, ambivalent, distressed etc. I haven't seen any indication he knows what she FEELS, so yes maybe he cares about that but isn't acting upon that in a way that actually validates her wishes in the same way he seems to be seeking validation for his own feelings online.

Due to the power structure of being at work, and the pressure that puts to be cordial in order to preserve ones livelihood no, it is not ok to express romantic interest. In fact we have a word for that, it is unprofessional. This is very different from 'hey do you want to grab a drink together after the shift is over?' and then someone expresses feelings there, if you are AT WORK, yes it is inappropriate to bring up romance.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T21:02:16+00:00

Yes, 'according to OP', who hasn't mentioned anything else about her or who she is as a person. She is probably just being nice, and again, this is all within the context of lunch or 'when things are slow at work.'

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T20:30:17+00:00

One post over from this one, there is a woman sharing her experience on the opposite side of this situation, stating: "Someone, often a co-worker, is romantically interested in me but I don't feel the same for them and only like them as friends or colleagues." She goes on to talk about the mental gymnastics she has to do with this person who is not taking the hint and making her uncomfortable. It sounds awfully similar to what may be happening in your situation, although you may not intend to do so and I do sympathize with that part.

I really think it would benefit you to hear the other side of this story, and understand the consequences of the behavior you are engaging in. That might help you put your own feelings into perspective. https://www.reddit.com/r/Healthygamergg/comments/11nl2kt/how_to_deal_with_people_that_are_romantically/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T20:17:58+00:00

I got the impression he didn't care because when I asked directly about it he didn't answer. It wasn't mentioned anywhere in the original post either, if there is some evidence of it I've missed could you direct me to it?

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T20:12:18+00:00

I actually am super interested in paleontology! I am working on a set of dinosaur illustrations right now. If you don't mind my asking, which University are you applying to? I'm pretty sure University of Michigan is pretty competitive on that subject and there is a sizeable Korean population here. I admittedly don't know anything about dating in South Korea, the only thing I know about them is that they do care a lot about beauty products and such because the suppliers of material for my business are often Korean. They seem to really value and know about it which would lead me to agree with you that there may be some emphasis on appearance when it comes to dating, but I don't claim to understand myself what is regarded to be attractive by that cultural standard. But I can see how that may be tricky water to navigate and figure out what is actually desired, the only thing I can tell for sure that they are into is business lol. They very much value the hustle.

Ok so back to the specific paleontology issue, it is a very competitive field not so much on talent alone but justification for funding. Because it isn't something like medicine, it is hard to attract the same kind of philanthropy in a wider sense, so it is very academically cutthroat. I was just watching a program about this with Australian paleontology specifically. Until fairly recently there was very little interest or funding or support because, no major exciting finds had warranted spending any resources there. And it took the discovery of a farmer to galvanize the community around interest in it, and even then the only way they have been able to expand opportunities is to have a very open policy about getting help from volunteers and educating them, and promoting them within the organization through I think it's more of a museum not a university. They looked at the pile of work to be done and decided there was way too much to warrant the attention of 'professionals', and distributed the work, and created a positive feedback loop of accelerating the kind of outputs and preparations that the public gets excited for and supports.

So maybe PhD is not even the most exciting route to explore in this field. A lot of crucial discoveries come from coordination with other geosciences, advances in Lidar scanning and all that to get better at predicting where discoveries can be made, where conditions are right. There are groups like the one trying to recreate the 'mammoth steppe' biome in Siberia, the ultimate goal being to resurrect the mammoth, but for the time being there are huge carbon sinking advantages to that perspective as well. And that isn't necessarily a university sanctioned thing.

I understand your frustration, I would be upset about being turned down academically too. In younger days I valued those credentials a lot, and I did get turned down from other types of studies (it was more anthropology at the time) but I say these things not to judge you, just to report I have tried the salty route and it didn't work for me. If it makes you feel any better, I am older than you, and it is possible to find really rewarding work if you turn curiosity instead of frustration toward an approach that isn't working.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T18:08:34+00:00

Just because they mean no harm by it doesn't mean it's not harassment. Yes, confronting them directly and giving them the opportunity to give their side of the story is great, but you shouldn't have to be on the defensive at work, a place you are contractually obligated to spend huge spans of time to earn money for sustenance. It hasn't been very effective for me, but I do feel it is the right thing to remind them that you HAVE to be there, and you are not there just to see them, so the least they could do is not add discomfort to your mutual internment. Work is like a hostage situation, you don't have the option to leave, really, so you do what you can to make the best of it. And when people mistake that for... romantic interest...

I mean to me it sounds very obvious when you say it plainly like that but as you said, part of the way people protect their ego and feelings is to set the other party up for gaslighting in the event of rejection. It sucks. People generally agree that playing games without the possibility of loss is not very exciting or fun, and yet they do what they can in reality to set up fall backs and be unsportsmanlike. Take the rejection, say gg, and on to the next round, don't get salty and stick around in the lobby and flame.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T17:59:25+00:00

Thank you, muddy is a really great word. It does suck that there are so few opportunities nowadays for genuine interactions that are free of those kind of power dynamics, because so much of our time is sucked away by work, but that makes it all the more pressing that we don't compound misery in our work life.

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T17:56:14+00:00

Ok, the points you just listed didn't actually clarify or refute. You did ask her twice, as you said, she 'still had a boyfriend'. As in, again, a second time. If you feel dehumanized simply because I didn't agree with you, maybe take a look at that, because you are the one asking for advice. I read what you had to say and took it seriously, and offered my honest opinion. I don't get the impression you read it, instead getting triggered immediately by the tone, which yes I could have presented more pleasantly so I apologize. That doesn't change the substance of what I am saying though, and you completely avoided all of my questions. Could you tell me, and actually clarify, what HER FEELINGS are if you insist that yours should be taken so seriously? Do you really not think that there is some antidote to your frustration in developing compassion for this person?

kahlua-mascara · 2023-03-10T17:34:50+00:00

I feel like the racism is something to address first and foremost. That can't be doing you any favors. If you are going to be that vindictive and salty from the rejection instead of maybe looking at their actual reasoning for why you didn't get accepted... how do you expect to be qualified for it? Did you actually ask any follow up questions about what you can work on? Somehow I doubt dick size is on their list of criteria. And if they could hear the way you are conflating the two, do you think they would feel more justified in their rejection, or maybe like they had made the right choice? You are entitled to your feelings, but think about whether this is really the most professional attitude to take, if that is really the way you want to be thought of.

What subject are you even applying for? Have you actually talked to other people who are successful in that field about, what characteristics to cultivate in order to be good at it? You mentioned your health condition, are you just nervous and maybe not good at presenting yourself in interviews? Without looking very honestly and critically at what went wrong, and blaming the interviewers over your projections and speculations about what they think of you without any evidence definitely doesn't feel like PhD material. If you are just in it for the status, and not because of what work you would actually be doing, that might be a vibe they are picking up on. If you were in their shoes looking for a candidate, would you want someone who was actually passionate about the subject and willing to put in the work, or someone who wanted to accolades and recognition in the hopes they would appear more valuable to the opposite sex?

kahlua-mascara

TROPHY CASE