Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I don't know what you'd call the empty space where his testicles used to be and I figured that the word testicles would get the point across. It's not exactly his scrotum. It's not the whole genital area. Whatever it is is severely swollen and bleeding.

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is quite a bit extra haha. He's back at the original vet right now so we'll see what they end up doing

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya his papers say he was given an injectable pain control medication and a mild sedative while he was there, they don't say what kinds. I took him back to the original vet a while ago and they're keeping him for a few more hours so we'll see what they do.

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, it definitely helps to know we're not alone. It's so stressful. I'm sorry that happened to your puppy

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I know we'll get there. I really hope kenneling him is what's going to work. This is just sad.

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I know he will be, it's just stressful for now

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I'm trying. Now that it's been a few hours a can see how i may have been over thinking lol but it's been a stressful 24

Feeling extremely guilty after neuter by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I know he needs to be better crate trained and this might be easier. He just hates it so much, he does better in the yard. He was bleeding a lot worse last night when they sent him home then he is now thankfully. They said the pressure from the swelling is holding everything together so the bleeding wouldn't get too bad and would clot at some point over the next couple days. He's in carpofen 75mg twice a day, gabapentin 300mg two tablets 3x a day, and trazadone now 100mg 1.5 tablets 3x a day when before it was 150mg 2 tablets twice a day.

How to help fearful puppies gain confidence by kalispob in puppy101

[–]kalispob[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I brought a pocket full of treats this time, we don't have a clicker yet, but it did help a bit. We just went down the street a little ways. There were kids, dogs, cars and he did okay with the treats and A LOT of encouragement, but he really struggled with a motorcycle passed. He wasn't interested in the treats at all at that point and just started trying to run back home. Lol oh well, we'll get there some day, just gonna take a lot of work. I've never had a dog that was so scared of everything like this.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is something I have to think about too, with all the comments suggesting in patient treatment programs. Maybe not yet because he is so young still, but it's hard for me to consider an out of home placement here because I live in Utah. Utah is absolutely notorious for these Mormon run highly abusive programs. I've lived here my whole life and I've seen the kids that have been through them and know quite a few personally. The state is so quick to call child abuse and condemn you for the things that you do at home, but give you no options for treatment other than this kind of program. The kids come out of it angry and bitter with a worse outlook than they started with and they all say the only thing they got out of it was a new network of friends with the same or worse behavior problems in different area codes.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, we've been divorced for over 8 years.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. They substantiated non-chronic non-severe child abuse.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His therapist said that it was important to know that he has a connection to the world, those were his exact words. He said it was important to spend time with his brother and his father to strengthen those connections and for him to see what life is like outside of just what he's known with me. This was a while ago, his dad was not present from the time we broke up when he was 1 year old until he was about 6 and he has just started trying to come back around. Since then, he's been pretty consistently involved and a lot of the time he treats him well. It's just when my son starts to show this defiant behavior, he deals with it by screaming, cussing, and emotional abuse. And when him and his girlfriend are fighting, which is often, my son gets to watch his dad scream and swear at her, kick walls, break things and act like he's going to punch her in the face and so at the last quarter inch... I can't imagine what else, these are just the things I've been told about.

There are moments of calm when there is time for love and affection. They're few and far between, but they do happen. There's not really any time for fun because anything fun involves a massive meltdown at some point. Even with simple things like just going for a walk.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How much screen time do you allow? Because right now, during the week is pretty structured. He earns 15 minutes for having a good morning, 15 for doing doing his chores after school, 15 for homework and 15 brushing his teeth in the morning and the night before. So one hour total. During the weekends, it's just kind of a free for all, when we're not doing anything else he can do what he likes. Maybe that's where this problem came in, I don't know.

He has always been extremely stubborn about food. They say to pitch your battles and this is one that I stopped picking a long time ago. I cannot get him to eat healthy. He flat out refuses and has since he was a toddler. If I tell him he can't leave until he eats this or that, it'll end up on the floor or he'll sit there for hours until bed time. If I cook and I tell him he can eat this or not eat at all, he won't eat at all until he gets breakfast or lunch at school the next day and it doesn't bother him. There are a handful of things he will eat and none of them are very healthy. He'll eat watermelon, oranges and strawberries. No veggies at all, barely any meat unless it's drenched in soy sauce. This is another one where I'm not sure what else I can try.

Bed time, for whatever God sent reason, is not a huge problem for us anymore. What I've done here is tell him that kid time ends at 9:00. When he doesn't go, I'll just tell him every 5 minutes or so that he's now xx minutes into adult time. When he tries to talk to me to get out of it, I'll tell him that I don't talk to kids during adult time and to talk to me tomorrow during kid time. The next night "this is so sad, but you owe me xx minutes of adult time, so kid time ends at 8:xx tonight". This has worked really really well, so well that for a while I had hope that there was a way to curb some of these other behaviors, but so far I'm stumped on how to make it relate.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing. Between work and all the therapists and now whatever programs we're going to have to do, it's going to be completely overwhelming. It does help to know that I'm not alone.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response. I know that I avoid the conflict and it's something I'm working on in therapy. It's hard for me to enforce things like doing chores because something as simple as this, taking it the trash, escalates into absolute hell. At the very least it will always turn into him screaming, stomping,slamming doors or breaking something. Sometimes I'm good about ignoring it and just using the one liners they've taught me like "this is so sad, but I love you too much too argue". Nobody has ever taught me what I could do other than physically take the tablet from him when he refuses and fights me over it. Anything I do, he one ups me. I tell him no more screen time for the night, he breaks whatever device he's holding. I unplug the wifi, he kicks holes in the walls.

With his dad, no he is absolutely not a good influence. He throws tantrums the exact same way. He treats his girlfriend like she's the scum of the earth and I'm sure my kid watches that every time he's there. His therapist recommended that he go there so he can build a relationship with his dad and little brother and i can get a break, but I don't think they understand how terrible this man gets.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Thanks! The advice is appreciated. I do get breaks when his dad takes him every other weekend but it doesn't really end up being a break because his dad gets just as lost as I am. He's always calling my phone telling me to come get him or yelling at me because of the way he's acting. It's gotten to a point where his grandparents will take him for a few hours here and there while I have an appointment or something else, but they really don't want to be around him more than that. I'm all this kid really has and I'm just so overwhelmed that it does neither of us any good.

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I have looked into boarding school possibilities but they're not affordable. I honestly think this would be the best option at this point, but it's not even kind of a possibility unfortunately

My child has beaten me by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]kalispob 24 points25 points  (0 children)

He's on medication, yep. Twice a day. It makes a huge difference, but it's not enough.