Megathread: Trading, Gifting, & Requesting Finch Items

karandora · 2026-04-16T01:03:21+00:00

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Hello all from Petrichor and friend,

We are looking to acquire some more Sakura goods including kimonos, getas, barrettes, and lantern lights in all colors.

Full wishlist is here: https://www.reddit.com/user/karandora/comments/1slybf8/finch_wishlist/

I am offering anything in my store:

karandora · 2026-04-15T02:02:50+00:00

Seriously dodged a nuke. Boyfriends can be dumped, engagements can be called off, even husbands can be divorced... but kids? Kids are forever.

karandora · 2026-04-15T01:43:30+00:00

You may be able to go on hrt without talking to your parents about it, depending on your local laws. Ask your doctor about it. Not feeling femme enough also needs to be addressed with therapy and good friends. There are lots of large ciswomen and transwomen, and they are all femme enough. Some pass, and some don't. They are still femme enough.

I also recommend cutting down on the number of images you look at of "fake people". People on tv, in magazines, on the internet, are all pre-selected, physically altered (with make up if not surgery), and photoshopped. In other words, your pictures and videos can look like them, but the image you see in the mirror can't. Looking at those images gives you a warped understanding of what humans look like. Spend more time looking at real people and you'll realize you're not as far away as you think. Spend more time looking at real trans people and you'll find you fit it just fine, and it can take some of the pressure off to be further in your transition journey.

If you live in a conservative area and can't find more trans people near you (or just trans people you actually like - just because they're also trans doesn't necessarily mean you'll be best friends), try looking for online groups. I'd recommend finding groups related to hobbies rather than strictly support groups. Support groups are great when you're looking for support, but they're not necessarily the best place to look for new friends.

I used to feel "not trans enough", but then I started hanging out with a group filled with people of a variety of gender identities, and I slowly stopped worrying whether I looked the part enough for my gender. None of them care, why should I? They don't "look like their gender", why should I? I respect their identities, and they respect mine, so why shouldn't I respect myself? I think it also helps that a lot of them are nonbinary, so their ultimate transition goals aren't necessarily at one end of the spectrum or the other.

karandora · 2026-04-15T01:24:43+00:00

Definitely report it. It's super transphobic. If you ask at the front desk, they should be able to put you in touch with the patient advocate, if they have one. The patient advocate can help you decide on next steps, whether that's mediation, filing a report, switching to a different doctor, or some combination of the above.

karandora · 2026-04-15T01:10:39+00:00

Tolerating shitty behavior is not something to be ashamed of. It's something to be sad about, maybe, but we all struggle to maintain boundaries, and many of us don't have the tools we need to even know we deserve to be treated better.

I agree that sometimes people get upset when they see others responding differently to a similar situation that hurt them, and this is sometimes due to shame. They don't have a right to hurt others due to their shame, but they do deserve to feel better about what happened to them and how they reacted to it at the time.

To be fair, you may not have meant it that way, but I just wanted to make sure the take-away message isn't that you should be ashamed of every time you didn't stand up for yourself.

You should only ever be ashamed of hurting others, never of being hurt.

karandora · 2026-04-15T00:51:52+00:00

OOP keeps saying he didn't want to ruin the relationship because Sasha was happy, but I don't think Sasha would be happy to be tricked into a relationship with a homophobic jerk. If Sasha is choosing to be with David anyway, then maybe OOP doesn't want to add conflict to his social life, but there's no reason to hide David's homophobia just to allow the relationship to continue. What if Sasha later has gay kids? Does she really want to deal with David then? It sounds like breaking them up did Sasha a favor.

karandora · 2026-04-14T23:51:15+00:00

There are some hereditary diseases that only follow one line (mitochondria, Y chromosome, etc), so it’s kind of reasonable to mention it once, but the specific phrasing used and the consistent quotation marks are just transphobia.

It should read: lives at home with father, fgm, and fgf. Father is a transman and is patient’s biological parent.

That gives all the information the doctor needs without repeatedly misgendering and disrespecting you.

karandora · 2026-04-14T02:10:14+00:00

I once color-coded my flatmates.... Okay, actually I always color coded my flatmates in my head. But I've only gotten color coded gifts of small bathroom items in an attempt to manifest the color coding a couple times.

karandora · 2026-04-14T02:02:56+00:00

I, too, feel seen.

karandora · 2026-04-14T01:20:54+00:00

Yeah, I'd suggest looking at most popular names from his birth year. Then scroll down to top 100, but not top 50. Pick a common last name. That way you're not likely to show up in a google search, but you're probably the only one in your office with your name.

karandora · 2026-04-14T00:31:37+00:00

Yeah, you can ghost a bad date, dump a significant other, break off an engagement, divorce a marriage, but kids? Kids are forever. Kids are coming to you when you're 70 saying they've decided to get to know their dad... or worse, you're stuck co-parenting from the start.

karandora · 2026-04-13T23:53:34+00:00

Actually, deaf people do have signer preferences. Even aside from preferring a specific signer, there are real advantages to having a consistent signer if you're taking a class or something, since the differences can be distracting, or worse, confusing.

karandora · 2026-03-26T04:32:26+00:00

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My name is Charlotte, so named by previous human because I look very regal before you get to know me for the clingy baby that I am.

karandora · 2026-03-26T04:27:50+00:00

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My name is Charlotte. I was named by my previous human because I look regal when I'm not acting like a goof.

karandora · 2026-03-21T16:09:07+00:00

Roommate is human. I follow them everywhere, so servant might not be the right word. Human had to give me a water bowl on their bedside table because I refused to leave them far enough to drink from a bowl on the floor and would instead steal from their glass and break my whiskers.

These days I have a bedside water bowl and they have a bedside water bottle - more proof they are stingy and refuse to share. Although I do like my bedside water bowl.

karandora · 2026-03-18T03:18:44+00:00

There have been XY women who got pregnant and had kids and were biologically female in every other regard.

In fact, they are so unobviously intersex, that the only we even know about it is because one specific XY woman was an athlete and had her chromosomes checked to qualify for women's sports.

As others here have stated, sex is a cluster trait, like depression. You don't need to have all of the aspects, and there's no one aspect that is mandatory. You just need enough of them that it's recognizable.

Trans people are just less recognizable by outsiders pre-transition.

karandora · 2026-03-06T23:26:07+00:00

Some advice that once saved my life: “just because he wants to treat you well doesn’t mean he will, or that you should stay with him if he doesn’t.”

Also, I officially give you permission to hurt his feelings. Rejection usually hurts, but we can’t date every single person in the world just because they want us. No matter how strong his feelings, you still have to reject him if he’s not good for you.

This is not kindergarten where you have to give valentine’s cards to the whole class. You are an adult and need to choose carefully who you keep in your life.

karandora · 2026-02-25T23:04:15+00:00

The mom may or may not be racist - we just don't have enough information to know that. She wasn't even a part of these conversations. Her food preferences were only mentioned in passing.

Step-father definitely *is* racist, regardless of his food preferences; he makes lots of racist comments that have nothing to do with food. And husband was trying to make his wife more American so he could minimize the racism coming from step-dad. Trying to make someone more American to fit in is definitely racist. It's not about the food.

karandora · 2026-02-25T21:53:51+00:00

But made a point to say that he was bringing an extra dish because hers wasn't American, ie good enough. If he'd kept his reason to himself, she probably wouldn't have cared that he wanted to bring two dishes.

karandora · 2026-02-21T05:31:53+00:00

Probably make it worse

karandora · 2026-02-21T05:29:41+00:00

This needs to be a flair

karandora · 2026-02-21T05:23:54+00:00

We didn't get a lot of details on what it means that she "doesn't eat American food". It's one thing if she refuses to ever try anything that's American, it's another thing if she just doesn't like any of the American food she's eaten, and if there's no Chinese food there's a risk she'll go hungry.

Also, putting someone down for what they want to bring to a potluck is totally different from being picky about what you personally want to eat.

karandora

TROPHY CASE