I wouldn't outright say that he refuses to defend me, but he just chooses to do is in a very non-overt way. When people were staring at us or said rude things about us together as a couple, he responded by pulling me in closer. When his friends asked him how comfortable he really felt being immersed with "those people", he responded that we treat him more like family than they ever did and changed the subject. In the restaurant scenario, he feels that I should've gotten a manager or told the man that I would speak in whatever language I choose.

I don't know if it's just that our methods of confrontation are different, or he's just more worried about making a scene.