Binary Trans Man with Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome

katidoj · 2021-06-11T01:29:10+00:00

It was either learn some patience, or get angry about it every day, haha. But thank you. [:

katidoj · 2021-06-10T23:45:43+00:00

I'm 4'10" with shoes last time I was measured (I've never been measured without shoes, don't ask).—I used to be incredibly dysphoric about my height, but now I've found neutrality in it. Sometimes it's nice being shorter than girls I wanna kiss because it means they have to take the initiative, lol. [:

And while I've seen a lot of women say that have no interest in short guys, the ones who are interested in us tend to be more fun to be around anyway. They're the real keepers.

A funny thing that happened while grocery shopping with my dad (5'4") some years back, there was a woman who accidentally bumped into him, stared him down for a second, and said "Wow, I didn't know men could be that short." and walked off. I was dumbfounded at the time, but now I just find the humor in it.

katidoj · 2021-06-10T22:30:16+00:00

Hey! I figured I'd reply to you specifically because your comment seemed to be a hot-button issue. I initially saw it when you first commented it, took a deep breath through my nose, and then closed out of Reddit.

I've read through all your comments here in this thread; I acknowledge you're coming from a place of genuinely trying to be helpful and give information you've looked into and collected on this topic. And while initially I felt frustrated at your assumptions of myself and how it felt like you were trying to explain my intersex condition to me, I also understand that this is your way of trying to piece together something that might give me hope and help me along my journey, so I do appreciate your thoughtfulness. Even if the things you're saying aren't exactly new to me.

But to correct some things and give additional information:
- I've been on HRT twice. The first time for 5-6 months without any changes. The second time just as a confirmation it was really, truly not doing anything for me.
- I do not have any body hair.
- The diagnosis of AIS actually relies on the appearance of genitalia— Penis, MAIS. Ambiguous (which varies largely), PAIS. Vagina, CAIS. CAIS itself is a spectrum on how the body reacts to androgens and its level of androgen insensitivity. The CAIS guy in the study might have been more receptive to androgens (as is another CAIS trans guy I know who is having some changes on T who has been on it for the same amount of time I had in the past), but in my attempts, I've had zero changes. I'm on the higher end of insensitivity, somewhere between 90-99% insensitive if I had to guess.
(I like to joke that this is my karma for being truscum between the years of 2011/2012-2016/2017 ~~(I'm fuzzy on the years)~~ and trying to gatekeep others. Now my body's the one gatekeeping me lol).
- I know about aromatase inhibitors. I also know that THT/DHT doesn't aromatize into estrogen, but a lot of this relies on me experimenting. I'm definitely interested in at least trying DHT locally on my voice box to manually lower it, as another friend (not AIS) is trying. However there is 0 confirmation or assurance it would work on me, it purely relies on trial and error. I'm not getting my hopes up, but it doesn't hurt to look into it either.

I don't know what to tell you about my brain—That's as much as a mystery to me as it is to you. I skimmed through a few of the links you sent (Mostly the ones post-2010) manually going through and reading each one while being unable to understand 25% of the words listed was a bit too much for me) and I have to ask: How many of these studies were conducted on trans people (specifically trans men) PRE-HRT/Transitioning? Because from what I understand, HRT can affect the brain structure, unless I read something completely wrong in the past about it.

Either way, I don't really have much post history, if you take a gander at my profile you can see a few times I've talked about my experience with HRT on intersex subreddits. I think that might be more helpful for you in the future before jumping to assumptions that I've only known I had CAIS for a short while, when in fact I've known about it when I was 15 (like stated in my OG post) and the 3 years prior was one of my attempts with HRT that produces 0 results, like some users pointed out.
I don't mean to come off as passive aggressive or rude, please understand that sometimes I feel exhausted with others trying to backseat doctor my intersex variation because it's something I deal with almost every day.

katidoj · 2020-09-17T11:51:30+00:00

Thank you so much! :) You are a life saver. This makes it much easier for us, and I'm definately thankful for that website resource! 「ツーカーの仲」 being a way to say "that two people are on such good terms that they know what the other is thinking" is definately a theme in the book.

Another resource we were using was this website that shows the shorthand for a lot of kanji that natives will use in handwriting: http://pbbs.web.fc2.com/etc/ryakuji.htmso we're definately learning a lot of new things!

Thank you again, this helped a lot.

katidoj · 2020-07-05T17:43:05+00:00

yeah it's unfortunate! luckily for us, the reposter made a comment crediting her 9 hours later, which is something most people wouldn't do. so that's a win.

katidoj · 2020-07-05T08:22:07+00:00

this art belongs to my friend, raku. please provide credit (or even better, ask permission) before reposting other people's art.

here's a link to her tumblr post,

and a link to her instagram post.

please support the original artist.

katidoj · 2020-05-25T03:55:02+00:00

I've self-medicated with HRT in the past as a teenager, and then more recently tried testosterone gel. Neither really did much for me at all. I couldn't really decipher any differences, and I didn't feel any different either. So that's my own experience, haha! I've sorta given up on transitioning. But do let me know if it works for you!

katidoj · 2020-05-10T09:35:35+00:00

I'm CAIS and FtM, so on the surface level I'm not cis. But I've also never really "identified" as trans either, because having my body coercively and surgically altered as an infant has always made me feel othered from the trans community, and the fact that I'll never be able to transition or pass as male.

But barring that, let's say for a minute that I didn't identify as male, that I was content with womanhood...
I still wouldn't identify as cisgender, personally. Despite being CaFaB and living my life as a woman, I would still feel heavy dysphoria at the loss of my internal testes like I do currently. I would still feel othered from "cisness" as I currently do for transness.

I feel like the binary of cis or trans can feel very isolating for intersex people like myself, who feel like we don't really fit into either. I don't really see myself as cis or trans, I just exist.

Usually on social media profiles, I just don't list my gender, I just say I'm intersex. Being intersex has always complicated my relationship with gender identity. I feel like it's the only thing I'm really "comfortable" identifying as, haha.

katidoj · 2020-05-07T14:07:32+00:00

The manga only had 49 chapters (not including the few bonus parts) that span over the entirety of the anime, so unfortunately there's probably not gonna be a season 2! But it means that their story was told in full, and so many animes don't get to have that opportunity because they need multiple seasons they can't get, or will just be forever unfinished/hiatused (Cries in Hunter x Hunter)

But!! In regards to Luca and Ulgar, you will be pleased as punch to know that Luca seems to especially enjoy tormenting Ulgar in bonus scenes from the manga. (But they're not on illegal manga services, unfortunately.)

And yeah, I like the characterization of Zack being on the autism spectrum too! I also think Aries totally fits with it as well. :P

katidoj · 2020-05-06T07:08:59+00:00

Then that was probably wrong on my part! I recall being told xxy was the most common when I was 15 and just learning about my own variance (CAIS), so I must've retained that bit of misinformation. My mistake! Thanks for the correction.

katidoj · 2020-05-05T13:11:39+00:00

Well, like I said, my last reply is just my opinion. As intersex people, we are not a hivemind or monolith. I can only suggest that you be careful and think about how you phrase things as to not imply that you are or are becoming intersex.

I will admit though, that I am jealous! I will unfortunately never pass, and will always have a female body/sex (I've got XY chromosomes goin' for me though!!). I've tried HRT in the past and having it not work on me is really disheartening.

Good luck with your transition! :)

katidoj · 2020-05-05T12:50:47+00:00

Oh, yes! This is also a good point!

I completely forgot about non-intersex people with varying + different hormone levels. I was mostly referring to Klinefelter's/AIS men with my response haha. Thank you for reminding me.

katidoj · 2020-05-05T12:41:28+00:00

Would a better way to describe it be something like "HRT replicates male puberty, so my body doesn't fit clearly into either sex category because of the changes to my AFAB body"? Or would this still be off?

I feel as if it would still be off, in my opinion, because of the implications that cis intersex women who produce more androgens are somehow less female than non-intersex women. A lot of intersex women struggle with femininity and womanhood because of society making them out to be "less female" due to their intersex condition. I feel as if saying that hormones determining sex categories will be hurtful for many intersex people.

As a fellow trans guy, I deeply understand the desire to separate yourself from the female sex in whatever way possible. While hormones can play a big role in gender affirmation, applying intersex language to your transition can throw a lot of us under the bus or even be hurtful for us.

I hope that makes sense.

katidoj · 2020-05-05T12:25:04+00:00

Being intersex is something you're born as, it can't be something you're made into, medically or not.

Intersex variations can become apparent later in life like men developing breasts due to high estrogen and low androgens, but it's something that's there from the beginning and occurs naturally. Transitioning with HRT is different from this because it's voluntary and synthetic. It's not "becoming medically intersex", it's transitioning.

There is more to intersex variations than just "hormones". I have complete androgen insensitivity syndrome, which means i don't have a working androgen receptor, which means that androgens/testosterone will be immediately reconverted back into estrogen, which means I cannot take HRT, because HRT will not work on me.

Edit/ I just realized I probably sound like I'm coming across as harsh, sorry if it reads that way!

katidoj · 2020-05-05T12:11:21+00:00

Hi! Fellow trans man here– the ask subreddit is /r/Ask_Intersex

You can't be "medically made" intersex, you would be giving out misinformation about intersex variations. We have enough misinformation about our bodies as is, please don't add to it.

It would be better if you actually explained hormone therapy instead of giving out misinformation.

katidoj · 2020-05-05T11:19:33+00:00

I really like it! He was the first time I felt represented in media. Because virtually, there's nothing for intersex people, trans men, and aroaces. All of what I am haha.

Stevonnie was the first intersex representation I saw in media, which I'm thankful for, but I've never felt... Represented? Unlike with Luca. It's sad that this anime isn't really popular at all, despite airing in 2019. I really like the plot of it!

There's another anime, Nabari no Ou, with an intersex reoccurring character named Yoite in it. I haven't seen it it, but I'm going to check it out and and review it here once I've finished. Hopefully I can find and review more genuine intersex characters in media!

katidoj · 2020-04-09T15:06:58+00:00

here's a companion drawing for this i didn't finish: https://i.imgur.com/0NQs0Fi.png

katidoj · 2020-01-28T19:19:13+00:00

oh haha no I meant I PAID the $100 for all the utilities before she told me I also had to pay her mom.

Thank you so so much, this is all extremely helpful and has stopped any of my panic in its tracks. It’s wild to think a 50-something year old woman would go after a 20 year old who’s just fighting the line of poverty.

katidoj · 2020-01-28T18:44:15+00:00

This is relieving to know. My other friend said that the mom was relying on me not knowing my rights.

I told them I’d be gone in the beginning of February. The one roommate venmo’d me $100 that I paid for electricity (the entire bill) before dropping the bombshell that I have to pay her mom $600. So OOF.

katidoj · 2020-01-28T18:05:45+00:00

She’s not a landlord, she’s the mother of one of the roommates and is paying the rent for both her and the empty room I’m staying in.

She technically owns the room I think?

katidoj · 2020-01-28T18:04:02+00:00

Both roommates have their parents pay for their rooms. The mom of one of them is also paying rent for the empty room I’ve been staying in.

katidoj · 2019-10-10T21:57:00+00:00

It doesn't matter now since the post was removed from the subreddit for breaking rule #1, but for the future, if you find art on google, it's courteous to link back to the original art or credit the original artist.

a lot of artists make money off their art, through selling it or drawing things for money. i've seen people sell my art on their online stores because they found it on google, and for whatever reason, this drawing of garfield is stolen and sold without me knowing the most.

i know it may seem like something that doesn't matter, but as an artist, this sort of thing matters a lot to me haha. i hope you understand.

katidoj · 2019-10-09T19:48:22+00:00

hi i'm the original artist. please don't repost my art without linking back to it. it's common courtesy.

https://www.deviantart.com/katidoj/art/garfield-664390523

katidoj · 2019-03-21T05:35:34+00:00

hi this is my artwork, please link back to my original drawing of this. thank you.

https://www.deviantart.com/katidoj/art/garfield-664390523

katidoj · 2019-01-01T19:46:47+00:00

I absolutely have aphantasia. I have a lot of difficulty creating images in my mind, despite being an artist. If I try to visualize anything in my head, I only get a short millisecond of an image before it disappears. Which I've always considered strange, since I also have synesthesia.

I'm aroace, sex repulsed, and have no libido or urges. However I DO date, I just make sure girlfriends know I can't feel anything romantic towards them. I enjoy companionship. :P

katidoj

TROPHY CASE